Hello. extreme_momma here. right now as i write this my heart is in my throat. my 2 children, both boys 7 and 10, just walked in from getting off the school bus. as soon as they come in, i ask them to pick up there room. it's my off day today and i'm cleaning the house as usual, so i feel they should help out and pick up their own mess, being their room. and as soon as the question comes out, i get whinning and crying and just protest for both sides. okay, whatever. so they go into their room and for the past 20 minutes, my house has been nothing but a screaming and yelling match. my neighbors probably think we're crazy. i'm screaming at them to clean, they're screaming and fighting with each other and i'm screaming and yelling at them to get them to stop fighting. in the past 45 mintues, i have gone from cool and collective, to some think of demon monster,yelling, begging, pledging to get my kids to act right. today is just not a good day for me i guess. so the back story is that there father and i are not together. he has remarried and i am with someone else right now. but the father does not send child support and only calls every now and then. total dead beat. but i'm getting to where i can't tolearate my kids anymore. i love them with all my heart and soul but part of me, the tiny voice in the deep dark parts of the back of my mind, wants to pack up there shit and send them to live with their father. their father has never had any responsiblity with them and i'm starting to feel like its time for him to share the responsiblity of his children.i am sick and tired of everyday having to fight them to clean their room, stop fighting, stop acting like a bunch of fools everytime we go to the store or leave the house. god, i hate myself for feeling like this. i hate myself for writing about it online. i just wanna be free of all this stress and bullshit. and if the children can not get with the program and respect the rules of the house, then i can not be around them anymore. i cant understand any of this. i have raised them to be better than this but its an everyday battle to get them to behave and do as they are told. is any of this normal???????
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I think it's perfectly normal to feel how you are feeling. Even though they are old enough to be a little more independent, they still need a thumb on them for them to do a chore.
As for the fighting, what if you were to crank the Chopin for an hour? It calms people down, even animals; it might work for the boys and you too.
Its perfectly normal, regardless of whatever female attributes are given to you "tolerant, patient, soothing...etc" you are still a HUMAN being, and you have a variety of emotions, including rage and resentment, which is absolutely normal, ALOT of resentment i sense is coming from the father's absense
if you dont address the issue with the father, I hate to say this, but you are likely to take out your anger on the kids...but how can you if the man is married.?:/ gosh what a difficult circumstance you are in..!
lets face it kids are annoying, very annoying. um a question you say they dont respect the rules of the house.? How effective are your discipline methods.? the person you are with, does he help in disciplining or provide support?
The only advice i can give you as of now is, well, 1) realistic. the real father has not had any responsibility before, does not, and probably wont anytime in the near future. He cannot all of a sudden change and make his prescense, especially if he has another family to tend to. so there goes that option. its one thing to wish the ideal its another to face reality.
2)Change or alter your ways of disciplining the kids, if alot of your stress comes from their chaotic behavior There are some very many different ways of child pshychology
Good luck, and im honestly sorry for the situation you are in. The internet is a good way to reach out to people though:)
Katy<3 from arizona