I find that im happiest when i indulge in gluttonous activities such as going to starbucks and buying a big coffee, going to a fancy restruant, having sex, smoking a nice cigar, etc. but soon as Im done with that activity, Im no longer happy, as if I didnt do anything at all. Honestly I am baffled when people who dont have anything to do are happy. They say money doesn't buy happiness, but for me money does buy happiness, but only until whatever Im doing with it is over. Unlike someone with depression however I can have a good time while doing things I like, which usually involve consuming something. I hear people talk about how they are able to look forward to things too. I feel unable to look forward to doing things that Im not doing currently. Its like I have no patients to wait for what I want to do. This causes me some problems with making plans because if I have to work for something then I will feel its not worth it while Im working. It feels like Im only who I am right now and past and future me are different people and why should I have to sacrifice now so that future me can get all the benifits. I dont know if this makes sense to anyone else. Living this way has some benifits as well though because I notice other people dwell on their pasts a lot. I do not understand why. I am quite baffled by how people behave. I susspose Im bothered by how I live in the moment because it can be depressing while I am not doing things I like and I have to do things that make me depressed to be able to afford those things why everytime I have to do those things, it once again feels not worth it. It makes me envious of my future self.