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Is it normal to want an abusive boyfriend?
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Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted hot strong aggressive guy to just hit me, push me against the wall, and grab me so hard. I've always fantasized about this and it totally just turns me on. Is it normal to fantasize about having an abusive boyfriend?
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Comments (30)
Ollieo
Fantasy is one thing. The reality of abuse is quite different.
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@: Ollieo
well i don't want to get like beaten up
its more of a sexual fantasy..
i just didn't make myself clear enough
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@: Ollieo
Ollieo hit the bulls eye. Reality is very rarely as good as a fantasy. Leave this one in the fantasy world.
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violent10dency
You know for some reason I always picture myself being treated like crap by a guy, and then I picture the making up part and how nice it is. Yea it's weird I know. I guess that's why I stay single.
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Yes. It is normal, even healthy to have fantasies about things that could be harmful in real life. These fantasies might stem from previous situations that were frightening or scary that you now have a desire to work through, either consciously or subconsciously. They might stem from the repression of your own violent impulses. Or, you may be fantasizing about this because it is something that seems taboo or dangerous, and therefore thrilling. It is very common for people to have rape fantasies, etc. Remember, though, that in the fantasy, you are still in control of whatever behavior occurs. In real life, putting yourself in this type of situation can entail real physical harm, permanent physical or emotional damage, or death. If you want to explore this fantasy in the physical realm, I'd suggest learning about communication skills and boundaries, and talking to a sex-positive therapist. Then, finding a trustworthy partner who is comfortable discussing your/their needs & emotional well-being before engaging in any type of "play". Sadomasochism exists for a reason; just remember your health and safety are as important as your sexual exploration!!
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@: dr_jane
That's just a bunch of bull shit right there, I look forward to the yelling all the time. I even crave it almost 24/7 doc. What is my diagnoses now?? hmmm?? I even had an ex husband that would yell at me, but still I crave it so bad that sometimes I can't even live with out it.
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I think it's normal to be turned on by strong, dominant, aggressive guys when it's about sex, in fantasy or real life. Like 90%% of the time, I like sex rough. Maybe 99%% of the time... whatever.

If you fantasize about the entire relationship being abusive without any sexual thoughts, I don't think it's normal. For me, the only area of the relationship where I like the guy to be (a lot) more dominant/aggressive, is in the bedroom. I like equality in all other areas. I like to think that's normal..
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Ms_October
I can identify with this a little, and I agree with the first person who replied.

If that is your thing, find a guy who treats you like a princess in public, but a chew toy in the bedroom.

I have/had issues in that because of certain problems I have, many people tend to treat me like a touch-me-not andgive me my way.

I sometimes wish I had a guy who'd just slap me down and treat me like dirt, to put me in my place so to speak (and let me know on a mental level I am no different than anyone else)

Tell me poster, are you in a situation where you have power over others (like at work) or do you have a way about you that kind of makes people give in to you a lot? If so it might be that since you are "in control" a lot, in one form or another, you just want someone to take that control away from you by force.

It might be psycho-sexual. The Mind is the most powerful organ in the body.

October - Kitten in need of a whip at times.
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To say you want an abusive boyfriend sounds weird yeah, especially when that isnt what you mean at all, you want to be dominated in the bedroom, bit different to been head butted in the face. So for the love of god if you meet a guy, dont tell him you want him to abuse you, just let him know you like been man handled a little.
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You dont want an abusive boyfriend. you just like it rough...

rough is the way to be!
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find a guy who treats you good, but is into dominating during sex.
tell him you like it rough.

dont let a guy beat up on you for real tho. thats bad and you could get hurt. and thats no fun at all.
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Im the same way. I like being abused in bed, and am completly submissive. You might wanna look deeper into the world of bdsm.
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Yess. Lots of people actually have rape fantasies, and it's the thought. Plus it's more of are you into the violence in bed, or the violence in real life, where he hits and beats you to make your nose bleed because you came home late?

I mean if you want your man to be really rough in bed, i think most girls like that. But being in an abusive relationship is never fun, and can end in death.
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yeaimharsh
Wow no its not normal.
Fantasize about it but in reality.
You wont dignify him as a hot strong agressive man.
Rather a fucking Retarded controlling son of a bitch.
Dont get an abusive boyfriend.
But just get a guy who treats you well but wants rough sex.
Cuz once ure in with a abusive boyfriend theres no fuckin way out, and it wont be cool either.
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there is a differnce between rough sex and wanting an abusive bf. my ex husband was abusive and a downright waste of space. no woman should want something like that.
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Rlly? word my gf told me she wants to b made cry during sex ive no idea why but eh i guess all femmes are jsut nuts j/k idk, it's good to know my girls not the only one tho she likes basically the same things as you hmmm...
Is it you????lol
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Ms_October
@: cucui
You Wrote:

"Rlly? word my gf told me she wants to b made cry during sex ive no idea why but eh i guess all femmes are jsut nuts j/k idk, it's good to know my girls not the only one tho she likes basically the same things as you hmmm...
Is it you????lol"

No, all fems are NOT just nuts!

It is a control issue thing, I think. Everybody has their own little taboos to deal with!

Tobra - Still Strong!
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Anonymousness
Yeah, but if it's beyond fantasy, then no. It's not.
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Keep it fantasy!
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I'm gay and i totally dig this question.

I think it's about adrenaline, surrender, power...like a dark secret between the two of you when you let these demons out. They seem to come from some primitive repressed impulses in human nature so it can be very cathartic to express it.

But this is ONLY sexy when it's consensual. If you have it thrust upon you with no choice, you will just hate that person and probably hate yourself as well. It's about exercising your own free will in the process. You have to decide to let go or it's not going to be enjoyable. If someone else decides for you, that's abuse. If you both decide, it's for erotic kicks.

I'd suggest you create a profile on a BDSM dating site, since most "vanilla" guys will be extremely reluctant to hit a woman. Then make sure you get to know someone well b4 doing anything, take it slowly, and the first sign it is going further than you wish you should make that clear. There are also safe ways and stupid ways to "abuse" your partner! You can get all the feelings and impressions of fantasy with very few actual effects. You should both be aiming for ways to achieve this.
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To tell you the truth it's fun having rough sex, but I am with someone who will just hot you when he thinks you deserve it. So to me having the fantasy is cool, but find someone that will respect you. At he same time when it comes to sex be rough and know the limits.
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All i'll say is.. fantasy and reality are 2 different things - if someone did this to you it will hurt and you might find you didn't like it - and if hes abusive mightn't let you get out of the relationship - dangerous ground...
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rough sex is awesome, but my ex husband beat me so bad he broke my foot, hit me with his car and fucked me up. he even kicked me in the mouth once. It's a thin line and easy to cross. I think if their violent in the bedroom they have tendencies for violence elsewhere.
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Maybe you're into S&M. They have clubs for that. Maybe you could meet a guy there.

Alot of the S&M people I know are (a little dark, but) sweet. That way you live out your fantacies, and still take him home to meet your parents. (Just remember the safty word.) XD
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I am the same way but only when it comes to sex.During sex I want him to be agressive with me,hit me,pounch me,I want to feel like a slave.In real life I hate when guy is agressive
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I so want an abusive boyfriend! I think it will be fun to have, I wouldn't mind the yelling I'd look forward to them all the time. And even if he hit's me I'll just say that 'oh I fell' or something like that.
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dont want what you have never experience. the emotional pain and physical pain are excruciating..in my experience, the emotional pain was what killed me.
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I think it's less that you want an abusive boyfriend, but perhaps a dom/sub relationship? there is a distinct difference (such as a safe-word and respect for boundaries)
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Something tells me you were abused as a child.
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im a guy, if you give me $50 bucks ill beat you up
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