I have been with my current girlfriend for around 2.5 years now, and we've lived together for the past year. We in love and care for eachother quite a lot, and are generally happy together, except for this problem.
She's always been very messy and untidy, to the point of just being a bit dirty and lazy. I'm no clean freak by any means, but I always have to tell her to clean up the mess she's made, and either it takes literally days or weeks of this before she does it, or I get so annoyed I do it myself.
In the past, I've done things like offer to help her clean out her car, and then give her small goals like simply keeping it clean inside, but it doesn't seem to work. It's at the point where I won't get in her car because it's full of garbage.
Our room is constantly piled up with clothes, shoes, and other random crap on the floor, which sits there for weeks at a time, etc. It's even caused a mice problem now.
When she does the washing, it sits in the machine for days, then in the basket for days, before being put on the clothes line to dry, then it sits in the basket for weeks before being folded and put away, etc.
I clean up a mess when I make it, and try to keep things fairly tidy, which means I don't have to put off doing a huge cleanup all the time.
In my opinion, I've given her the opportunity and gentle encouragement to change this behavior, but it doesn't seem to be working.
I don't think time is an issue, I work 40 hours per week, she only works 15-20, and doesn't study, so I don't think I'm being unfair.
We're in our early-mid 20s, and I don't think I could spend the rest of my life living like this.
I feel like simply telling her that if she doesn't change, I'm going to break up with her and ask her to move out, what do you guys think?
She's always been very messy and untidy, to the point of just being a bit dirty and lazy. I'm no clean freak by any means, but I always have to tell her to clean up the mess she's made, and either it takes literally days or weeks of this before she does it, or I get so annoyed I do it myself.
In the past, I've done things like offer to help her clean out her car, and then give her small goals like simply keeping it clean inside, but it doesn't seem to work. It's at the point where I won't get in her car because it's full of garbage.
Our room is constantly piled up with clothes, shoes, and other random crap on the floor, which sits there for weeks at a time, etc. It's even caused a mice problem now.
When she does the washing, it sits in the machine for days, then in the basket for days, before being put on the clothes line to dry, then it sits in the basket for weeks before being folded and put away, etc.
I clean up a mess when I make it, and try to keep things fairly tidy, which means I don't have to put off doing a huge cleanup all the time.
In my opinion, I've given her the opportunity and gentle encouragement to change this behavior, but it doesn't seem to be working.
I don't think time is an issue, I work 40 hours per week, she only works 15-20, and doesn't study, so I don't think I'm being unfair.
We're in our early-mid 20s, and I don't think I could spend the rest of my life living like this.
I feel like simply telling her that if she doesn't change, I'm going to break up with her and ask her to move out, what do you guys think?
And I make sure that I do thank her when she does clean up, to make her feel good about doing it, but it doesn't seem to help.
I'm not denying I have flaws, everybody does. But mine obviously aren't bad enough to cause us to live in filth.
Otherwise bring in a cleaner for an hour or two twice a week. She might be ashamed at her filthy ways - or like my lazy sister, she may not care.
Don't put up with it though, people always drag us down - you will never drag her up.
I'm not saying that she is not responsible for her actions or lack thereof, however, I encourage you to take some time to find out more before you make your decision. Whatever the case, if she refuses or is incapable of change, you may be better off breaking up with her. Sometimes people with these preconditioned behaviors and/or mental/emotional disorders only learn by experiencing the consequences of their decisions.
She's actually the oldest of her siblings.
The reason I suggested pregnancy among other things is because I've always been really good about keeping everything clean ( I'm 23) but as soon as I got pregnant I started feeling really bad and I fell behind on housework just from being sick and pure exhaustion. I only have 12 weeks left and I'm hoping to get back to normal after I have my baby girl.
You know what you can and can't live with so if you've exhausted all other solutions then you can't avoid the inevitable. Best of luck to you both.
You should break up with her, she doesn't deserve to be treated like that by you. Giving her an ultimatum because she's severely depressed and you cant take the time to notice she needs you. She deserves better. Talk to her.