Is it normal to WANT to live in your past when it was so horrible?

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Sounds like you need to talk to a therapist and work it out so you can get over it and start focusing on now and the future .

Living in the past is crippling. I'd recommend some counselling to you as a way to move forward from it, if you can afford it. Those people are trained in helping people move forward from traumatic experiences. They don't really give advice, but steer you and your thoughts in the direction that will help you heal.

I'm sorry you're having such troubles, most people do struggle with that, in one way or another, at some point in their lives. Everyone has woes, everybody hurts.

In the mean time, while you're waiting for that counselling appointment, or maybe there is a reason why you can't go, start doing some internet research about how you feel. Search things like "how do I overcome _______" (fill in the blank with words like: hate, bitterness, pettiness, trauma, anger, etc.). And read, read, read.

Also... Do you have a good imagination? If so, when you're thinking about the past, imagine the person you are now coming to the rescue of the person you were in the past. Now I know that might sounds a little hokey, but sometimes it helps.

Here's a couple of websites that might help you foster positivity in your heart. The more you focus on the positive, the less room in your heart there will be for all the hate and anger.

<a href="http://zenhabits.net/start/" rel="nofollow">http://zenhabits.net/start/</a>
<a href="http://happiness-project.com/" rel="nofollow">http://happiness-project.com/</a>

what happened to you

I do not see how this is you wanting to live in the past. You sound like you have PTSD so see a doctor.