Why users make stories of other users?
It's bullying. It also keeps users who need help and advice from asking questions. It hurts me that even in this site people can't respect one another.
It's bullying. It also keeps users who need help and advice from asking questions. It hurts me that even in this site people can't respect one another.
If you honestly have that much of a problem with a person, tell them in a private message. Don't try to publically defame someone, that's just fucked, and probably a reflection of your own sad existance.
I've been on this site for a while, and I've only really seen maybe one or two posts about Allistalla, but that's really the only posts I've seen about other users. Maybe they just don't get through moderation?
If none of them get through it also proves that moderation isn't a completely random process like a few people suspected it was :)
It's a shame we can't have anonymity but have some peer review at the same time. Maybe we need to nominate a small group of people who do get to see this information and "name and shame" where relevant. Bullies have immunity here.
Can't we all just get along? hehe
As long as everyone here knows that they're appreciated and that they are always welcome, that's all that matters. Hopefully the small group of bullies, which are thankfully a minority group here, aren't hurting the victim's feelings. Although, I can't imagine that I'd be anything less than upset if one was made about me:/
Also, awww at picture:P!
Honestly, I think these stories are posted by users who have become way too emotionally vested in this site and need to find other ways of making themselves feel good because obviously their quest for online acceptance isn't really leading them anywhere =\
I think the IIN staff should ban users that are reported for bullying. Of course there would have to be an investigation that takes place before the users are banned. I've seen a lot of bickering back and fourth - that's not bullying but the sore loser would try to report the other as such. I'm sure they would make a new account, but I don't think they would keep up with their old ways.
Believe me, this is minor compare to the issues we had on IIN before.
That's why some of the users know what's going on and others don't, because they never make it past moderation. Horrible stories have been posted naming names or just insinuating which users they may be referring to.
Sometimes they are rejected and sometimes the OP deletes them even before that and posts another. I assume it's the work of one person - I honestly believe it is.
There can't possibly be more than one user this obsessed with popularity or lack of thereof, with so much hate, jealousy and spite in their heart and time on their hands.
Especially because there is a time of the day when the activity stops, for they obviously have to sleep.
Still, this is all just in the theoretical realm. I have no idea of what actually is going on.
Really though, don't let it bother you so much, it's kids play.
Everything that is negative about this website is eerily similar to the crap that goes down in high school, so I assume that it is the teenage users bringing their bent methods of socializing to IIN. Think about it. All those users talking about who "belongs" to whom, the rape stories, the clubs, the I hate so-and-so stories... It makes me feel as though I'm re-living my high school days.
I was relieved once I entered the working world and bullying wasn't all that common. If it does go on, it's socially subversive or usually just plain old gossipy. Actually, it can be quite easy to ignore, unless they are trying to sabotage your job. However, I think the fear of losing one's job, because companies have policies to protect people from bullying and will fire you if you do it, encourages people to behave like grown ups even if they don't particularly want to sometimes. Plus, it's a job. You're there to earn a wage so that you can pay your bills, not to make everyone your loyal BFF or find a date for the weekend. So, that takes the pressure off having to be social at all when you're at work.
I agree with you that anyone out there could be taking advantage of the anonymity to be a dick. I do still believe most of it is probably teenagers. I saw a poll a few days back that asked the age of IIN users. There sure are a lot of kids here. Since I believe that most adults have been conditioned to act more rationally because of their years in the workforce, I think the large majority of nasty stories are made by IIN members who are teenagers. Anyway, that's my theory.
I couldn't count the number of attempted 'attacks' I've had here from hatemail to some very nasty, bitter or manipulative people, but I will tell you that the three that stick in my mind all originated from people over 20. Worse, I think they all thought they were doing the "right" thing. From protecting their relationships (which were under no threat anyway) to destroying someone who has too much influence for the wellbeing of IIN. In each case there was a personal motive they chose to ignore. I am much too nice to ever publicly reveal their identity, to say what they did, or to make sure they don't do it to someone else, but hey, maybe one day I'll get drunk enough and a few things will slip out. Watch this space, folks.
Not that I actually need to say, to be honest. There are people vastly more intuitive than me on IIN. If I see what's really going on (and I am fairly dense sometimes), they must do too. In short, yes, some teenagers pull stuff but I think a bigger problem with this site is people older than teenagers bullying people because they're an easy mark. It's something I feel extremely strongly about.
I totally agree with you OP personal attacks are not needed on IIN.
Also, I'm too "known" here to be a good mod. My opinions are all over the place. People know how to influence me or get under my defences. Like I said, mods shouldn't be site users. But I would happily mod another site in return for them modding us.
The sad part, I guess, is that many users choose to and often make it a point to abuse that wiggle room. I doubt that we're all innocent of it.
And yeah, my own behaviour hasn't always been exemplary. I once came down on someone so hard that I think they left the site.
A Mod's role is not to take sides in a public debate, nor to give opinion weighted on their powers above others.
They are here ONLY to keep posts/topics/polls within the rules. Any further than that is NOT a Mod.
Therefore a Mod can post just as any other user and be comfortable in knowing that nothing will change from what it already is.
Further, the IP address or any other non privacy issues is already against the site. This site's number 1 principle is that all users can remain anonymous, even if we don't like some of their posts.
Cyber bullying will not be accepted by any social site online. This behaviour if seen as 'bullying' and not just a difference of opinion, would be met with a ban or suspension of account (or other limitations imposed).
As it presently is, I don't see this ongoing bullying that you may reference. I do see very descriptive wording and light hearted attacks that are not breaking any rules. Although the 'bully' posts may have just been removed before I even see them.
I agree 'dappled' would be a good Mod, and if a vote existed (which probably shouldn't happen) he'd get my vote.
I have some of the skills to do that but there are plenty of reasons I wouldn't want the role.
Most 'debating' tends to sort itself out if just left alone to either run its course or just stop.
Mind you, if the 'debate' or conversation leads too far from topic, then the entire topic could be closed (without warning) or those irrelevant posts removed.
ie At no time does a mediator come in and calm the situation.
I think we are still personally 'on topic' at the moment, but its probably border line.
Again, all just my opinion.
Please suggest this on the home page under "Send us Quick Feedback". I think its worthy option, that other members (especially newer members) could feel some comfort in knowing they are speaking to someone that may not be just providing nonsense posts.
Its good idea, dappled. The suggestion should come from you. (as it did)
I come from a country with a well-defined class system and I quite liked the classlessness of IIN.
Oh, and YOUR suggestion, your idea that I wouldn't have thought of for another 6 months or more.
The idea came from you. The mechanics (like under the username) is irrelevant. It could just as easily be a footer in every post.
If you don't make the suggestion, I'm not doing it either. ie You are making the suggestion (I suggest you do it! :D )
There have been a lot of stories posted that are personal attacks on IIN members. Some are thinly disguised, some mention members by name.
For anyone reading, the ones about raping me were a joke, by the way. I know the person who posted them and I do know it was just a joke.
The 'underlying problem' is for the site not the member!
Posts removed, site back ok.
Anyway, this is an advice site, so we should all just be nice.