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Is it wrong for a father to be naked in front of daughter
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This is making me insane. I have been with my fiance for 2 years. He has been married before and has 9 year old daughter who stays with him one weekend each month and I normally didn't see him that weekend so they could spend quality time together. I have met her quite a few times though. Whilst we were saving for our wedding we decided that it would be best for me to move in, which I did four months ago.

My boyfriend walks around naked in front of his daughter and she is also prone to walk around naked. She has also got into our bed a few times and I'm disgusted to see them there together both naked cuddling. There never seems to be anything sexual but it just looks and feels wrong.

I have approached him several times on this and we always end up arguing and he accuses me of being sick for thinking it is wrong and completely innocent. One night when she was staying we argued whilst we were in bed and he stormed out and slept in his daughters bed. I felt sick as I knew they would both be naked.

Am I being completely paranoid, or am I jealous of his relationship with his daughter.I don't have children so really confused and worried that this will end up splitting us up. I mean how old will she have to be before he stops sleeping naked with her?
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Comments (24)
Nudity is not sex. Being naked in front of others (kids, friends, etc.) is OK if no one makes a big deal about it.
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I agree. It's only a problem if some nosey person makes it a problem.
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It's normal for a father to be naked in front of his long as they dont have sex
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It's difficult. I come from a family where my parents were never naked around me and me being naked around my parents stopped around the age of five.

I guess most people are the same. However, a friend of mine permits his two step-daughters (aged 10 and 12) gto get in bed with him while all three are naked. I find this a little worrying as he's not their biological father.

Also, an ex of mine would wander around the house completely naked when she was 19, in full view of her step-father. In their case, she was just very comfortable with nudity, which isn't something I wanted to take away from her.

I doubt very much that your partner and his daughter are another other than just very comfortable with each other, and I'm not sure it's your place to interfere in their relationship. And, yes, she probably is reaching an age where she's becoming interested in men's bodies. But that's kind of natural.

I do understand your concerns, though, and I think puberty is about the latest age that either she or her father are naked around each other. I'd have no issue with them being close or cuddling. Just why does it have to be done in the nude? The point of it is the affection, not the nudity. Have you asked him why he actively wants to be nude around his daughter, and why it would be so much of a problem just to wear nightwear?
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So does anyone think it is ok. I'd really like to know if this is a natural thing to do. I've never had kids so don't know from experience. But I do know that when I was 9 I was aware of bodies and differences etc and I NEVER saw any of my parent naked and they never saw me, let alone sleep with them naked. I think a big concern is when I see them cuddling naked asleep I worry that he will become erect in his sleep and if she woke up to see this surely it would scare her? Or maybe encourage her to be curious. The whole thing is eating me up.

So two questions.

1) Is it ok for them to sleep naked together in the same bed?

2) How do I approach this situation to make him be decent when his daughter is here?
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@: KKchick
He is being decent as long as there is no insertion i don't see a problem with him being erect in her presence.
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Thank you I thought I was going insane. My boyfriend thinks I have the bad mind for questioning him. Its hard not having kids because I'm not sure of rules and what is ok. But you sense when its wrong right?

However, I do feel that my boyfriend doesn't see this as anything sexual, but a child at that age is surely questioning and experiences lots of confusing feelings.

So any advice on how I should approach this again without him arguing with me, as that ends up worse and I don't want him to go to his daughters bed alone again. Is there a legal age or something that I could use to make him think. Maybe if he thought he would be in trouble with authorities he might stop being naked in front of her and make her put clothes on.

I've also thought of approaching her mother, but we don't really get on and don't want to cause trouble over visiting rights
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You are right. That's just wierd. If it doesn't stop by the time she goes through puberty something is seriously wrong.
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Thanks - yes we had planned to start a family as soon as we are married. I feel that I would be in a better position with my own children to say what is right and wrong. I think the difficulty now is that I have no say with his daughter.

As for starting pubity I think she is already at that early stage as her nipples are raised and she has a little pubic hair.

She stayed again this weekend and although she slept in the spare room the whole time, she did wonder through to our bedroom in the mornings and got in bed with us, she was wearing a nightshirt. I always wear pjs when she is staying, but again my boyfriend was naked and he walked back and forth to the loo whilst she was there - I can see her looking so I know she is curious.
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Ok,you will probably ignore this,since it's not what you wanna hear,but here goes...There are alot of families out there who do this. Those who do,have the best relationships with their kids. And yes,those who have the purist minds will comfortably do this,not with their kids,but for their kids. Yes,it is suspicous that you have messed up feeling about the most pure thing in nature. His relationship with his daughter means the world to him. He gets upset cuz you are trying to drive a wedge between him & his daughter. He should NOT consider your feelings at all. You are the one hellbent on destroying something very special. If you don't get how important this is,just stay out of it. You don't need to (approach him) about it something you know nothing about. They had something great...til the intruder came along. Do you really want her to see you this way? She will,if you get your way....jus sayin'.
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@: jonb1
He should only consider your feels as okay I am aware that this seems strange to you but unless my daughter feels uncomfortable about being us being nude together it will continue
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Why some parents kiss kids on lips either...
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Join them & watch
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well even I an admited pedophile sees nothing wrong with this i mean there is no sexual coonotation i mean unless cuddling with her gets him hard or makes him horny and if it does as long as he's fucking you not her than there is no problem.
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It would make me feel very uncomfortable, and if it makes someone then it should be talked about. As a father he has a responsibility to think about how his behaviour appears to other people, and in this case it appears inappropriate. Something does not have to be 'going on' for behaviour to be inappropriate.

Just because he says its innocent and it may well be, doesn't stop it being uncomfortable. And in my opinion he should have put parental boundaries in a while ago.
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While not "normal' it also isn't illegal or "immoral," except maybe in the eyes of a few small-mined people. Every family dictates their own set of morals and levels of intimacy.

My wife and have always slept nude. A few times when our two were young, they'd crawl into bed with us on cold nights or when they had nightmares. They were never nude, but they never saw our being nude as odd.

That only happens when people who don't agree with it start telling them it's wrong. My mother in law found out about our daughters and our nudity and started tearing into us about it. My wife just told her to mind her own damn business. From that point on, my MIL never said a thing about it. We know she still hated it, but we didn't care.

You also have no right to ask them to suddenly change something they have always done. What if your boyfriend did that to you about something you have always done and see no reason to change?

I suggest you either undress and join them as part of your new family, or at least keep quiet about it. Anyway, the daughter while probably grow out of it once she hits puberty.
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I don't think it is a good thing and you are right. Gt a new boyfriend, one without kids.
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This is nasty! She is nine. Not two.
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My question is,,, WHY isnt that father respecting that little girls privacy and modesty. If I walked into that scene, I'd go off--- and scratch that BS about comfortable with bodies, and relax and all... im comfy as hell with adults.. leave the children and thier innocence alone. Burns me right up,, self centered, perverted bastard
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I am a father of an 11yo daughter. My wife and I have never been shy about nudity and before my daughter was born I often went naked in the house. Nothing sexual, I am simply more comfortable naked.

Once my daughter got old enough to start becoming curious about why I looked different naked than mamma, I stopped going naked around her. Not because I thought it was wrong but because I didn't want her telling some kid at school that "daddy shows me his pee pee" and I wind up on the sex offender registry.

Now that she is old enough to understand sex and we have had the "talk" she knows nudity is not sex. She knows that nudity should be private. I still don't sit around nude with her, and I have never slept with her nude or otherwise. But I don't hide my nudity and she doesn't hide hers. If she gets out of the shower and I see her naked she doesn't freak out. Same with me. We live in a small house, so we sometimes see each other naked.

Recently I needed to show her something and I knocked on her door. She said to come in and when I did she was naked laying on her bed. I just showed her what I'd come to show her and left. It was no big deal. A few days later, she come in my room while I was undressed and sits on the bed. She was clearly looking at my penis. I asked if she had any questions about it and she laughed and said "no dad, I know how a penis works" and she left.

Since that time she has seen me naked a few times and has started to comment on my penis. As sad as it is that I can't enjoy casualty nudity in my own home, I feel my daughters hormones have started raging and she is starting to think about boys in a sexual manner. We are very close and she is more comfortable talking to me than her mother.

While I am sure there is nothing going on with your fiance and his daughter, as she gets older she may become curious about sex and he will be the only male she has access too. That's a slippery slope.
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that's disgusting... I can't speak for everyone else, but I think it's wrong and very suspicious.
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Yea NOT good
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Perhaps they are just close? But cuddling naked is a bit weird, that is what he should be doing with you. I think if there was something going on with them then they wouldnt be showing so much affection for each other and they would try to hide it. But on the other hand, him going and sleeping in his daughters bed after having an argument with you is odd. If you dont feel comfortable with it, he really should respect your feelings. Do you plan on having children with this guy? If so, you really need to lay down ground rules about how you want him to treat your child. If he loves you then he would want to compromise with you.
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I hence forth command you to cease your trolling.
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