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Is my girlfriend cheating on me, or am I paranoid??
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28 Comments

We've been dating for 4 months. She works at a pretty seedy bar as a bartender. Most of the customers are older guys. She talks with them and enjoys being the object of their attention in my opinion. She gives her regular customers her phone number so she can let them know when she is working. They text her, she texts back. She has dated older guys in the past (she was 18 he was 32). Now I am 21 she is 24. She doesn't want me coming to the bar because it will affect her tips, and she knows I am uncomfortable with what she does. She keeps her phone password locked. She forgot to lock it one time, I looked and found suspicious messages from another guy. She claimed he was a good friend who she'd know for awhile and that was how they joke around. I later found that he is her bank teller right down the street, whom she hasn't known for very long at all. If she had been good friends with her bank teller, I'm sure she would have told me before. One of my good friends also saw her at another bar with this guy. She claims that she was just there with her friends and saw him there. She didn't call and tell me she was at that club until she left after my friend saw her there. I thought she was somewhere else. She agreed from now on not to text guys excessively, give customers her number, or hang out without letting me know who she's with. She didn't agree to giving me access to her phone (which I told her I would gladly give her as well). In the end I just feel as if I have no solid way of knowing whats going on. She never admitted to anything, but I feel something must have gone on, or be going on, with at least somebody. She goes out a couple times a week at different times of day, but anytime she's seeing other people or hanging out with friends or going to a bar I am never invited. Instead there are girls night out type things and all sorts of other reasons why she doesn't want me to come.
Is it normal for me to be cautious of her actions?
Or am I just driving myself crazy overthinking everything?
Please Help
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Comments (28)
dude, just show up at her bar anyway and start pounding drinks. go the the restroom and piss all over the walls. go back out and get really belligerent and cause a scene. insult her customers (probably the same guys shes banging) and start babbling about what a crappy bar it is. don't forget to call her a biatch. stumble out of there and try to break something on the way out. cheers!
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Dump her immediately.

Stop being a wimp, stop being a sucker. Grow some b***s and get rid of her.

"Oh but I love her..."

Cold turkey dumper her, tell her to never call you again, and never talk to her again.

This girl is trash, stop thinking "emotionally" and start thinking with your brain.

DUMP THE USELESS GIRL
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:P alright i really hope you read this because this is something EVERY female bartender does, because all these guys are forsure ridiculously drunk while she cant get to a stupidly drunk level while working, they will be repulsive to her, and she will give them a fake number usually if a real 1 its for the tips, trust me if a pretty bartender was "flirting" with u, ud tip her well, thats basically how it works, its basically what female bartenders are assigned to do, get the drunks to drink more and tip big,the older they are the better they tip too, try to show off theyre money in a pathetic attempt to score :) and of course having her boyfriend go in with her and witness how she has to work would get you jealous and youd probably get drunk and start a fight honestly relax and kno that she loves u or shed leave u for one of these guys by now. cheating is not easy to keep secret
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It seems like she is just using you for whatever you have been giving her. She is treating you like you do not even exist as her partner. Think about it, she only wants to have you around her in private or at certain times only. Other than that she only wants her friends around and customers... (and other guys). If any guy she should be hanging with more often, it should be you, her boyfriend, not some random guy she just met. All those excuses she makes, aren't backed up by any good alibi. As much time she spends with her friends and the guy, she should be spending with you too. There is a 90%% chance she is cheating on you, if not cheating, than she doesn't respect you. You have every right to feel worried about her actions. I advise you to just let her go, because you're only getting hurt and worried by this until you go mad crazy. Find someone else who is open to have you with them.
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@: ZiShu
I agree, sounds like she is using you man. I'd get out of that relationship, sounds like its going to cause you nothing but problems!!
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4 Months ..she is NOT your GF she is just a girl you are dating. Hey here is a news flash...SHE IS SCREWING OTHER MEN.

Advice: keep dipping your rod in her oil pan and look for a new model to drive
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If you are suspicious then you are not with the right girl. You need to be able to trust your partner. Man up and confront the issue. Let her go or just show up at the bar and find out for yourself. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Cliche' but true. Also if you don't like her line of work accept that fact and move on to a girl that's not a bartendar. I for one could never date a guy who is a bartender because i know myself and its not my bag. Figure yourself out and then accept yourself
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Im not sure if someone has said this yet or not, but dump her. Then bring a hot chick to her bar while your now 'ex' feeds you guys drinks. Which she will have to since it's her job. Karma is a bitch.
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I partly agree with ZiShu, i think beacuse she is so 'wanted' or 'popular' in the outside world, she just needs someone to want her when she would usualy be alone.
She might not be cheating on you but i feel she is definatly using you, and that is just as bad.
I know this isn't very nice to do, but find a few of your close friends, male and female, and let them know what is going on with you two. Then ask them if they will tale part to make her feel jelous, get your female friends to text you sexual messages, and get the men to organise 'lads nights'.
If she truely loves you then she should feel jelous and ask you what is going on, or ask you to stop.
Although some people find this quite a harsh way to go about this, i feel when your relation ship is at the brink of destruction, you should do anything to try and save it
Best of luck to you.
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Firstly a relationship with trust issues is a big boo boo. If you dont trust her then youre going to have to tell her that and the reasons why you dont trust her and ask her to understand how you feel. If from that point onwards she lashes out at you and accuses you of not trusting her etc etc and wants to break up with you, i would say you should leave her instantly that moment! Cause she should be apologizing to you for her actions!But if she truly seems sorry then it could be she was just being inconsiderate,rather than cheating, and you could give her another chance depending on how you still feel about her that at time.But you should also figure out if she could be using you for naythign you could give and the other guys cant.Dont fall for her apology if you really think shes using you...
Just tell her all your trust issues concernign her...
Good luck!
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Yeah, it doesn't sound like what you want matches up with what she wants. That's reason enough to go your separate ways. Either that or just adjust your expectations accordingly and roll with the punches. Don't stress about it. Just do what needs to be done. Power to you.
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only keep it physical dude.
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I feel like this....if you are already getting disturbed by her behavior and it's only been 4 months it's time to go on and get happy with somebody else. is it seriously that worth it? there's a lot of other people out there that will not give eratic behavior and inconsistant stories. go live
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oh also chances of her cheating on u with 1 of these lowlife drunks who flirt with the bartender cuz theyre too old to get with the young girls that are enjoying theyre youth and fresh adulthood are very slim my friend, and i hope u realise every guy gets paranoid about cheating and they all have no idea whats really happening, sex sells my friend and most of the things your gf does that seem simple but make nice cash will have to involve harmless fake flirting so grow up, accept life and work it to your benefits :)
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She's just playing with you man.
BUT! I might be wrong, 'cause I don't even know her and I don't know what's going on in her head. But based on what you've provided, I'd assume that she's playing with ya.
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Most likely she is CHEATING

Don't let your infatuation blind you to the truth. Dump her before you get HIV, if its not too late.
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you are 21, there is more to life than this, get out of it and find someone who treats you with respect!!
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Get rid
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Cheating get out.
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Kaiser88
Sorry bro, that sounds like a cheater to me.
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She also gets very defensive when I ask her questions about what she is doing. She seems to have a well thought out excuse for everything that seems suspicious.
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Dump her!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO GOOD! Clearly she is not committed enough to your relationship to respect you! Get rid of her before she gets pregnant or something. You're young. Go find someone who treats you right! They're out there, trust me.
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She is selling you a total bag of bs about you affecting her tips. I don't want to question your manhood buddy, but sounds like she has the upper hand my friend.Is she cheating most likely I would say so ,nobody that works in a bar give out there number out like that . Now could I be wrong yeah, but for some reason logic always come out on top everytime . Either you're going to catch her in the act, or you can set her up and catch her in the act period. It does sounds to me like she is cheating ,but I don't know for sure and I'm not one these negative or judgemental dudes.
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Oh, and by the way, she is 99%% likely to be cheating on you.

You have instincts, and they are giving you warnings, the fact that you are asking questions already means you need to dump her.

4 months = NOTHING

If you are that latched onto her you need to go to therapy.
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I bet she is cheating on you because you elaborate too extensively when you tell stories.
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she makes alotta money? she takes care of you? can't you learn denial?
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Ollieo
Play by her rules & enjoy the ride or get off the bus. She's a bartender in a seedy bar - and is real familiar with the men that give the bar its reputation.

There is nothing wrong with her walk of life - but to not recognize it for what it is - and to expect it to be something else - is ridiculous.
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