Are You Normal?
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Is there something wrong with us?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We've lived together for more than half of that time. We were 18 and 20 when we lost our virginities to one another. Needless to say, we didn't have much of a sexual history before one another.
In the beginning, sex was great. We probably had sex atleast every other day. We had about a three week dry spell once before, but we fixed the problem by spicing up our sex life with different positions, sex toys, etc, and everything was fine again.
Here in the past 6 months, our sex life has really been on the rocks all together. I'm still ready to go every night, but he isn't so willing. We might have sex once a month. At first, I thought maybe he was just really lacking a sex drive, but I can't help but notice that he mastubates constantly! He watches porn movies, he has magazines, he has books, he looks at porn on the internet, and he has even engaged in cyber-sex (which I asked him to stop, but we'll see).
The one time I confronted him about our not so sex-life, he got really upset. He said that it takes less effort for him to masturbate. Then he said that some guys were born to have sex, and others to masturbate and he was just one of those guys born to masturbate. He seemed very ashamed of this.
I don't nag him about it because I don't want to make him feel like a freak about it. If this is really how he feels, who am I to judge him for prefering masturbation? But on the other hand, I really don't know what to do. I love sex. Masturbation is good too, and I love my boyfriend no matter what, but it hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like he's not attracted to me. It makes me nervous that he's bored with me. It also makes me cranky.
What should I do???? Also, is this normal???
In the beginning, sex was great. We probably had sex atleast every other day. We had about a three week dry spell once before, but we fixed the problem by spicing up our sex life with different positions, sex toys, etc, and everything was fine again.
Here in the past 6 months, our sex life has really been on the rocks all together. I'm still ready to go every night, but he isn't so willing. We might have sex once a month. At first, I thought maybe he was just really lacking a sex drive, but I can't help but notice that he mastubates constantly! He watches porn movies, he has magazines, he has books, he looks at porn on the internet, and he has even engaged in cyber-sex (which I asked him to stop, but we'll see).
The one time I confronted him about our not so sex-life, he got really upset. He said that it takes less effort for him to masturbate. Then he said that some guys were born to have sex, and others to masturbate and he was just one of those guys born to masturbate. He seemed very ashamed of this.
I don't nag him about it because I don't want to make him feel like a freak about it. If this is really how he feels, who am I to judge him for prefering masturbation? But on the other hand, I really don't know what to do. I love sex. Masturbation is good too, and I love my boyfriend no matter what, but it hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like he's not attracted to me. It makes me nervous that he's bored with me. It also makes me cranky.
What should I do???? Also, is this normal???
Do you think it's normal?
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Just an idea .. Ask him to let you do the "hand-work", ask him what he likes, he just might teach you something . . .
1. 9 times out of 10, who do you reckon does most of the work during sex? Man or woman?
2. Yes, after a while of very high abundance/demand, sex can feel like a chore.
3. One of the reasons the "spark" dies down (and this is, for the most part, no one's fault) is because when certain things happen very frequently, exciting things, over time, they become "normal". Normal is boring. Seeing someone naked for the first time you'd never have imagined you'd view that way.. is extremely exciting and exotic. Once you've seen them naked a few HUNDRED times... it becomes less so. There's no easy answer to this age-old dillema. Ever. But in this third point, also realize that faced with "normalcy", the porn he's looking up on the internet may be a bit extreme, and will gradually become more so. Unless you accept his fantisies with an open mind and give him a loving outlet to mutually practice them with (you), also sharing yours. What's the point in holding back? We're all monsters anyway.