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Is This Normal Behavior Between Adult Male & Female Siblings
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My wife and I have been arguing for some time over behavior she engaged in with her brother. I would like to hear the opinion of others as to whether this normal.

My wife and her youngest brother are only one year difference in age, have always been close, affectionate and at family gatherings have preferred to spend time together.

While dating, my wife made it clear that she was a modest person and at one time broke up with me because when asked I said I was dating other people. Though I wasn't she could only know what I told her.

Shortly after we were married her brother came to visit. Our apartment had 2 bedrooms that shared one bath in the hallway. After showering one evening my wife exited the bath wearing only a towel wrapped around her waist. She and her brother had a conversation of several minutes before she came into our bedroom where I was at the time. I was shocked at this behavior. An argument with me claiming this was inappropriate, immodest and different from what she had represented herself to be. She claimed I was over reacting, yet agreed not to do this again. About one year later we were visiting her family. Her brother's girl friend was scheduled for a lumpectomy soon and was anxious about the cosmetic effect of the surgery. My wife had had a lumpectomy and offered to show the girl her breast scar. She then went into a bedroom to show her breast to the girl. While doing so, her brother walked in. My wife did not ask him to leave and showed them both her breast and the scar. As this time, I was in the same house but only learned of the event months later. Another argument ensued. My wife again said I was over reacting.

Several years after this "scar" event, my wife’s sister told her that she and the brother in question had sex with each other when they were in their teens. I became even more upset at this point and worried that there may be a pattern of behavior in the family that at best was not normal.

My wife continues to tell me that I have over reacted, nothing abnormal has happened between her and her brother and that I have no basis for being angry and upset. Furthermore, that my reaction is damaging our relationship. My feeling is that even if this is behavior she finds acceptable, I do not. Assuming my facts are generally correct, have I over reacted? Is this normal behavior between adult siblings aged 30- 35?
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Comments (9)
No, that is not normal...especially when you consider the past sexual relationship you described. She blames your reactions as being capable of destroying the relationship but I see the real problem being her lack of respect for you and your feelings. Even if it was innocent she should put your feelings first...you ARE her spouse.
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Yes, we are married and sadly this has become a major issue in our relationship. I am coming to believe that this is a fundamental difference in values between us. Not that one value set is inherently right and the other wrong, but when two people agree to marry they should be honest about values beforehand so that an infomred decision can be made and that once married behaviors that cause damage to the relationshhip need to be modified.

Thanks for your input.
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It's not normal.

Also, what's a lumpectomy?
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I don't think this is normal. Have you talked to her parents about it? How long have you been married? If you have children, this would be difficult because this form of strange behavior us going to follow into your kids. If she has a lack of respect of your feelings, than something needs to be done because you do not deserve to be unhappy.
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I am curious why you feel this type of behavior is normal? It does not feel that way to me - what am I missing?
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cause i completely missed this part

"Several years after this "scar" event, my wife’s sister told her that she and the brother in question had sex with each other when they were in their teens."
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My wife and I sometimes do something similar. She likes that people want her. I like that she's mine.
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I think it's normal...
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normal, you are overreacting
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