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jesus in my snot
I live in a small village in the north of England where most of the people are religious Christians. Everyone in the community goes to church every sunday, partly for social reasons but mostly out of a genuine devotion to the teachings of our Lord.
Last sunday, in the middle of the sermon, I needed to sneeze, so I got out my hankerchief and did so. My little sister who was sitting next to me looked at me when I sneezed, sort of out of shock at the noise, but then she looked at my hankie and gasped and started whispering to my mum who was sitting to her right. Suddenly word started spreading and everyone was craning their heads to see my hankie and I didn't know what was going on because I couldn't understand why anyone would wanna look at my snot.
I tried to ask my sister what was going on but she couldn't even speak, she just kept looking at me with a mixture of fear and awe. Eventually word seemed to get to the priest and he stopped his sermon and came to me and knelt down in front of me and wept. Suddenly everyone in the church was prostrating themselves before me, and eventually I came to understand that they could see the face of Jesus in the patterns of my snot.
To me it just looked vaguely like a smiley face, and I tried to tell them so, but they wouldn't listen. Now my whole village is convinced that I am the reincarnation of Christ. They're trying to get me on CNN and they're flying me out to meet the Pope and they want me to try and heal blind people and stuff but I'm just an average 16 year old, I just want to hang out with my friends and play football. Now my friends won't even talk to me. What should I do?
Last sunday, in the middle of the sermon, I needed to sneeze, so I got out my hankerchief and did so. My little sister who was sitting next to me looked at me when I sneezed, sort of out of shock at the noise, but then she looked at my hankie and gasped and started whispering to my mum who was sitting to her right. Suddenly word started spreading and everyone was craning their heads to see my hankie and I didn't know what was going on because I couldn't understand why anyone would wanna look at my snot.
I tried to ask my sister what was going on but she couldn't even speak, she just kept looking at me with a mixture of fear and awe. Eventually word seemed to get to the priest and he stopped his sermon and came to me and knelt down in front of me and wept. Suddenly everyone in the church was prostrating themselves before me, and eventually I came to understand that they could see the face of Jesus in the patterns of my snot.
To me it just looked vaguely like a smiley face, and I tried to tell them so, but they wouldn't listen. Now my whole village is convinced that I am the reincarnation of Christ. They're trying to get me on CNN and they're flying me out to meet the Pope and they want me to try and heal blind people and stuff but I'm just an average 16 year old, I just want to hang out with my friends and play football. Now my friends won't even talk to me. What should I do?
Do you think it's normal?
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feeding multitudes with single loaf of bread is not as easy as it might seem, but not that difficult either. my mom, for example, could feed eight people with a loaf of white bread, a bottle of ketchup and a few pickles.
but if some one trys to nail ur ass up on some cross, i suggest you make your eyes all red glowey and smite them before they hammer in that first nail.
good luck to you my boy, you are without a doubt the savior reborn.
Nobody will think you are Jesus after that.
PS. you dont have to mean it, just say it
Would you mind if I started a small church in your honour?