for as long as i remember i have had anxiety about foolish things that i have done in the past and it makes me wanna die or look for something to wreck, whether it be a person or thing, i even start to make audible noises of inner agony when i think of them. some of the things that i cant stop thinking about are
-once i has dancing with a girl and her friend walks up to us and says "having fun" and i just blurt out with absolutely no filter "damn you're hot" right in front of the girl i was dancing with
-when i was in kindergarten i had a very, very very short fuse, i was unable to finish my homework in class and i lost my mind, a freind of my walked up to meand tried to calm be and i gave him a knee to the balls
-it was the last day of eighth grade and a girl that i had a huge crush on was moving , i couldn't stop stumbling on my words and felt like a total tool.
am i normal for remembering all of the foolish things that i have done in the past
you gotta move on, you're gonna make a lot of mistakes and all you gotta do is learn from them so it's all about experience. you've got a lot of experience bro, chill out.
hold onn i just rage smashed my keyboardd
I actually try to respond to the reaction in the past aloud to try to make up for it in the present.
This sounds kinda like yours.
Really no advice to give, just saying you're not alone with that.
Laugh it off, and think to yourself 'who cares' and focus on the present. Be happy :)
I feel your pain.
i used to agonise over a lot of things too, and most of the extremely embarrassing things were when i was growing up. but over time the anguish at the thought of them grows less... you forgive yourself. and those same memories have so little emotional weight now, as i'm not beating myself up about them anymore.
even newer embarrassments don't have the kind of long burn that the old ones did.
And then I can't stop thinking about those things and I work myself up into agitation. I start blushing all over. Then I can't relax and keep thinking 'fuck, I'm so fucking stupid, why did I do those things'.
Mostly they're social situations or situations where other people MIGHT hear about them and then secretly ridicule me or gossip. Blaarghhh. Really fucking stupid :|