I dont know what is going on. I am 20 years old. And i feel as if the things were losing its meaning, anyway there are lot of things I am STILL interested in, plenty of things Id like to achieve, I have plans, but they are losing importance for me, losing so bright colours they used to have, I start to look at them somehow listlessly, as if they all were disappearing in fog. And I REALLY like and want many things!
But it is something like, yes I want this, I want to try, but I dont care very much whether it ever comes to reality and whether I will ever reach it.
I used to cry a lot without any reason and also that disappeared, I just feel inexplicable grief, woe deep iside,but cannot show and relieve it and help myself with it. People tell me that I am likeable person, but I DONT believe them, and I just keep thinking they dont know me and avoid them. And anyhow I am trying, I cannot change it. When I get some friends, there is some self-destruction mechanism getting to action, I just cannot let them go closer. I lost many friends because of how I am, and everytime I lost also a piece of me, because I didnt want to do that, but I had to.
And how time goes by in this emptiness, still in the same way, more and more, and no solution comes, the only thing I think of is getting stoned. I am trying to avoid this things, but they are coming to me as cure to relieve this goddam emptiness and sadness...
Is it normal to have the life gone like this? Why this happened? Please tell me somebody
But it is something like, yes I want this, I want to try, but I dont care very much whether it ever comes to reality and whether I will ever reach it.
I used to cry a lot without any reason and also that disappeared, I just feel inexplicable grief, woe deep iside,but cannot show and relieve it and help myself with it. People tell me that I am likeable person, but I DONT believe them, and I just keep thinking they dont know me and avoid them. And anyhow I am trying, I cannot change it. When I get some friends, there is some self-destruction mechanism getting to action, I just cannot let them go closer. I lost many friends because of how I am, and everytime I lost also a piece of me, because I didnt want to do that, but I had to.
And how time goes by in this emptiness, still in the same way, more and more, and no solution comes, the only thing I think of is getting stoned. I am trying to avoid this things, but they are coming to me as cure to relieve this goddam emptiness and sadness...
Is it normal to have the life gone like this? Why this happened? Please tell me somebody
Sorry I cant be much help..
When I come to this thoughts the only reason preventing me from ending that all is the goddam question what if there really is some life after life...
I would gladly give up all I have and like, if I knew the way that would give sense or end this misery.
I am sick of all this uncontended people around me, still running in the same circles and not willing to change, oh how much energy I wasted to help them to get out of it and change our lives, but as I saw no results, I get more depressed at the thought whether is there anybody in the world realizing its misery and DOING something about that. Because otherwise life make a sense.
Oh I so hate stagnation and decay I still watch around.
It may sound strange, but once the meds kick in you can actually feel sad for the first time without feeling like you'd rather not exist. So don't be afraid to seek medical help. It happens to the best of us.
I have been through what you are going through, friends and family have never liked me, always was trying to tell me to change and be what they want me to be, and not myself, even more so when I became a chair bound crimp from work accident. I was in totally dispare, suicide 8 times, died in the wool loner. In and out of the Boob Cage.
But, my friend, just when I thought there was no where else to go, I attended a meeting at my friends church for suicidal victims and found out the PERSON THAT WAS MISSING IN MY LIFE AND TOOK ME OUT OF THE GUTTER AND HAS NOW MADE ME LOVE MYSELF FOR WHAT I AM AND FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS NO MATTER HOW THEY TREAT ME.
"GOD!" MY FRIEND, WHY NOT TRY READING HIS WORD AND TALKING TO HIM ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, AND IF ARE SINCERE HE WILL ANSWER AND MAKE YOU HAPPY NOT ONLY HERE IN YOUR PHYSICAL LIFE BUT ALSO IN YOUR SPIRIT LIFE, YOU BE WITH HIM FOR ETERNITY, I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND AND FEEL FOR YOU PLEASE TRY HIM, YOU HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE AND IT HAS GOTTEN YOU NO PLACE FAST. I AM NOT PREACHING AT YOU JUST GIVING YOU ADVICE ON WHAT HELPED ME.