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Married and in love with my Best Friend
I met my best friend, Jim, twelve years ago. We never told the other how we felt.
Then he went off to medical school and I got married to someone I thought would help me get over him. I still never told Jim how I felt. I tried not to talk to him because I was making an earnest effort to get over him since I knew he had no room for me in his life and I was at a point where I wanted a family. Well, I ended up divorced and eventually Jim and I began talking again.
We were as close as ever but living in different states. We flew to visit each other as often as we could. It was like old times.
Then one day we kissed. He had never kissed me before and it was lovely. Eventually we slept together during one of the visits and it was great but I was scared it was going to ruin our friendship. So, I played it off! (Why, I don’t know.) I knew he was dating random girls and had no time with his internship so I did not want to get myself hurt. I told him we were great friends and that it felt weird sleeping with him after so long. He seemed so comfortable with the transition but made me feel it was just us getting physical and nothing else as well. I was hurt but I went along with the flow for fear of showing how hurt I was and embarrassing myself over what felt like his rejection.
The whole time I acted as a liberated woman who was ok with the set up and had no emotional tie to it. It could not be further from the truth.
The last time I saw him he went out to visit me and we went out with two friends for some drinks around town. I made such a fool of myself. I came off, I am sure, like some drunken sl*tty idiot. I was just so incredibly nervous that I was at a point where my feelings could be transparently visible around people.
He spent the night at my place, we had sex, and the next morning it was as if he ran back to catch the train to his friends. I tried to play it off and told him I could not connect in the sex act because we had been friends for so long. I lied. I had enjoyed it immensely! He was a great lover but I was so scared of his rejection. I was an idiot. He said he had enjoyed it because he “willed it.� I did not understand what he meant by that but it sounded as if he was trying to convince himself to like it. So, with that answer, the vibes, and my insecurity I vowed to cut him out of my life. I did.
A few months later I met a man, married him three months later, and now its been two years and we have a baby. I was running from Jim.
I talked to him only twice during those two years until just last month I contacted him through email again. I have tried so hard to get over him but not a day goes by that he is not on my mind. I miss him so much…but so much has changed: I converted to Islam, I married, and I have a baby.
I cannot forget Jim and if my husband found out I even exchanged emails with him I am sure he would leave me. I have tried to forget him so long...and I don't know why.
Then he went off to medical school and I got married to someone I thought would help me get over him. I still never told Jim how I felt. I tried not to talk to him because I was making an earnest effort to get over him since I knew he had no room for me in his life and I was at a point where I wanted a family. Well, I ended up divorced and eventually Jim and I began talking again.
We were as close as ever but living in different states. We flew to visit each other as often as we could. It was like old times.
Then one day we kissed. He had never kissed me before and it was lovely. Eventually we slept together during one of the visits and it was great but I was scared it was going to ruin our friendship. So, I played it off! (Why, I don’t know.) I knew he was dating random girls and had no time with his internship so I did not want to get myself hurt. I told him we were great friends and that it felt weird sleeping with him after so long. He seemed so comfortable with the transition but made me feel it was just us getting physical and nothing else as well. I was hurt but I went along with the flow for fear of showing how hurt I was and embarrassing myself over what felt like his rejection.
The whole time I acted as a liberated woman who was ok with the set up and had no emotional tie to it. It could not be further from the truth.
The last time I saw him he went out to visit me and we went out with two friends for some drinks around town. I made such a fool of myself. I came off, I am sure, like some drunken sl*tty idiot. I was just so incredibly nervous that I was at a point where my feelings could be transparently visible around people.
He spent the night at my place, we had sex, and the next morning it was as if he ran back to catch the train to his friends. I tried to play it off and told him I could not connect in the sex act because we had been friends for so long. I lied. I had enjoyed it immensely! He was a great lover but I was so scared of his rejection. I was an idiot. He said he had enjoyed it because he “willed it.� I did not understand what he meant by that but it sounded as if he was trying to convince himself to like it. So, with that answer, the vibes, and my insecurity I vowed to cut him out of my life. I did.
A few months later I met a man, married him three months later, and now its been two years and we have a baby. I was running from Jim.
I talked to him only twice during those two years until just last month I contacted him through email again. I have tried so hard to get over him but not a day goes by that he is not on my mind. I miss him so much…but so much has changed: I converted to Islam, I married, and I have a baby.
I cannot forget Jim and if my husband found out I even exchanged emails with him I am sure he would leave me. I have tried to forget him so long...and I don't know why.
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but i still couldn't understand why,when you love him so much and enjoy everything you'd done with him so much,you wouldn't confess and tell him your true feelings? Does pride matter so much in times like this? Being afraid of rejections results in a barrier, he might be feeling the same way as you do, but your reaction might prove him otherwise... It was a loss.
But since you had made your choice, get on with it, do not think about him anymore. Just rmb him as your very good friend and carry on with your life, with your family. :)