Are You Normal?

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Married and lonely
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57% Normal
19 Comments

I think I made a mistake and that was 20 years ago when I got married. For a while it was OK but the positives started dropping off -- sex, intimacy, understanding, joy. There was never any talk of kids and we didn't draw closer. I feel so different from her now. We're more like room-mates tolerating each other. Add to that I seem to have only one or two people I can call close friends. If I try to meet women it's like I'm cheating; if I try to meet men they're busy with their life in a family or couple. I think this might go on into deepening bitterness. It feels like a failure and divorce feels like a complete failure. Is a long lasting, close, romantic relationship just a dream? If what I have now isn't normal, how do I get to normal?
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Comments (19)
i wonder how many relationships there are simply because the people felt they were expected to be in a relationship.
ive been in a relatoinship three times before and i always ended up just tolerating the woman being around.
sad but true but men and women have a tendency to not have anything in common except need for sex.

Ive felt the same thing as you... pressure to be in a relationship.
Everybody around me seems to make the ridiculous assumption that the reason i aint stuck with some needy woman is that there is something wrong with me.
It sucks.

The only way to happiness here is to get less occupied by what others think of you.
Its your life not theirs.

Your problem is that you aint trying to be happy, youre trying to be normal.
But your problem is not lack of normality, its lack of happyness.

And in order to get happier you must file for a divorce, move out and make new friends.
Brainstorm about what in life you find fascinating.
What makes your heart beat faster?
Whatever that is, act on it.
Drown yourself in what you find interesting, and the absolute best would be to meet people through that interest.

Its never too late to improve your life.
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Dont listen to the idiots that say stop whining and move on they obviously havent felt the way you feel right now. I too am in the same situation as yourself my husband and i are living like flat mates also. It isnt an easy situation as you tell yourself everyday but we had something special and where did it go ? Will it ever come back or Do I move on. What if i do the wrong thing and regret what i have done. Its not an easy situation and i really understand and feel for you too.
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Right now I feel the same way. We have been together 15 yrs. I wanted children but we have none. Before him, I found my soul mate. I told myself I was too young to commit to a man who already had 5 children. I stayed single for a long time while my now husband chased me. I asked myself can I live with this the rest of my life. The answer was yes. Was I in love with him...no. My bad. He is a great guy. I'm sure he was never in love with me either. I don't think he has ever experienced it. We have sex and dinner but the rest is routine. We have different interests. He goes his way I go mine despite my efforts to do things together. Thought there was only one true love in a lifetime so I settled. I regret that now. So until I decide what to do I remain lonely and hang with friends. I am scared I will cross anothers path one day...what of I fall in love? Just ranting.
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I think growing apart is something that many couples do unfortunately. My wife and I are in that situation. We don't sleep in the same room and intimacy has been gone for a long time. I feel your pain.....for I am going through the same thing
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what do you miss most friendship or intimacy? what brought you together in the first place? maybe you need to go to marriage counseling, with or without her. and ask yourself what do you expect without marriage., maybe she has something in her past that is preventing her from being close, maybe she feels the same way you do, try talking and go to counseling, maybe you need to find happiness inside, before relying on anybody else to make you happy. it's ok to want to have a good relationship, it means you are a loving person, but first start by loving yourself.
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those people insulting you telling you to stop whining have never been subject to this situation. dont listen to them.

i'm in the same situation, i wish it were as easy as getting a divorce and moving on. its not, especially when you love that person. its even harder when you have a child together. my wife and i are more like roommates then a couple just like you. most the time she doesnt even sleep in the same room at night.... intimacy... hasnt existed for a very long time between us. unfortunately it seems loneliness in marriage is more common then i expected.
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That really sucks. I've never been married but I've Ben in a relationship that felt like I was living with a roommate. It sucks especially when the other person isn't willing to change. Not sure if there is anything to do to fix it. I sure couldn't find a way. I hope you do.
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Listen the ones that tell you to get a divorce and move on. Sometimes it gets scary but life is too short to waste it with a woman who doesn's seem to care about your feelings. I know, we all have fallen in love and some marriages have worked out, but some have gone sour. Talk to your wife, tell her how you feel, and than decide if the marriage is worth keeping. Communication is the key to a happy success of marriage.

I knew my husband for a month, got married an now am happy for 32 yrs. He is a truckdriver for 10 yrs. We still love each other, we communicate a lot. We tell each other of our problems, etc. I am lonely because he is gone for 3 to 4 weeks, we see each other 3 to 5 days in a month. I wouldn't of stayed with him if he was not interested in me. I would of left if long time ago.

I know you want children, tell her how you feel. Friends aren't going to be there for you, she's your partner, should be your friend and lover for always. So talk to her.
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it's completely normal, get a divorce. Move on, enjoy your single life, until you decide if meeting a girl again is the right thing.
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You need to remember why you married this person to begin with.

If there is a stable foundation of love and commitment, then you can mend what the years have done to you. If you guys got married because the sex is good, then I'm sorry. People these days just jump into bed with one another and call that love. I can't understand it and I don't think I ever will.

Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? I'm sure the woman isn't a complete Ice Queen. Ler her know that you aren't fulfilling your potential as a spouse and decide how you guys can start again. Don't give up so easily.
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Anonymous
For pete's sake move out and file for divorce. What are you waiting for?!!! Move on!!!
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I am married and somedays Lonely, remembering marriage is a commitment and work. Love is a choice to continue, so long as their is no abuse and mutually seeking the same. EACH OTHER. But the last 4 years have been real ruff she has a chornix illness and have not had sex since 2008. I also have not cheated and have not seeked. Love is patient, kind, selfgiving, caring for the One you choose to Marry and much more. So I continue walking around waiting to Xplode somedays due to length of time it has been for intimacy.
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Anonymous
Jeeze! Get a divorce and find true happiness and quit whining. I can't stand people that stay in relationships and whine about it like it's a life sentence with no hope of parole.
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I guess you have never loved someone enough to understand that sometimes people live in hope that it can be worked out its true what they say the grass isnt always greener on the other side
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i know what you mean. wat do you do when your mate has a mid life crisis. he wants me to wait for him. we love each other deeply but somewhere along the way we lost our spark.what do you do when you love someone but you are trying to get your passion back. cant imagine being with someone else. what do you think
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try and work things out with her , do new things together and try and rebuild a fresh start coz u never no , u could let her go and then its too late! if it dont end up working out , just get a divorce,although its stressful to go through! also try having a few weeks away from eachother , (a break from eachother) as that might work! gd luck!
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You know what, I think, unless you are very lucky you either accept your lot or move on.

I remember being single and living in my own flat before I met my second wife. I remember something someone once said. That is, I'll take an unhappy marriage over loneliness. I may be lonely in this marriage, but I have a warm home, and an investment in the home, and I guess it's a sad case of better the devil I know.

You can always visit ladies if you eh, want some company. Just put aside so e oney each week and have a nice time once a month. Just dont tell anyone.
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From your words it sounds like your are bisexual. Either turn your partner into a kinky love making machine or find someone that matches your profile in life.
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METHOSjr.
Go on a vacation...to my house. You, Magnum, and I will rock it till the break of dawn.

You could bring your husband too. But he sounds like a crabby person. Is he a RedNeck?
I am MetroSexual

****Methos= $ shoved in pants****
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