I think I made a mistake and that was 20 years ago when I got married. For a while it was OK but the positives started dropping off -- sex, intimacy, understanding, joy. There was never any talk of kids and we didn't draw closer. I feel so different from her now. We're more like room-mates tolerating each other. Add to that I seem to have only one or two people I can call close friends. If I try to meet women it's like I'm cheating; if I try to meet men they're busy with their life in a family or couple. I think this might go on into deepening bitterness. It feels like a failure and divorce feels like a complete failure. Is a long lasting, close, romantic relationship just a dream? If what I have now isn't normal, how do I get to normal?