Is it normal to become a masochist after you've been sexually abused/exploited repeatedly as a child? I think that during things like this the will to survive kicks in and your brain makes the pain and humiliation a good thing... so you don't go completely insane. What does anyone else think? (And believe me, I'm not easily offended ...been there done that.)
But it can hard for me to get off unless I'm being humiliated.
Sticks and stones will break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!
Please don't be afraid to explore this possibility.
It could however just be that you like pain and humiliation and if that is that case there is a great place for you in this world and many masters/mistresses for you out there.
Find were you are comfortable and that's were you should stay. Be free to do as you please.
I am dominant. I have whipped lots of people. None who didn't come back for more.
Key is to hurt without harming. or in your case be hurt without harming yourself.