I just finished giving someone else advice her on loyalty and it reminded me (again) of a problem I have been having with my BF.
He is a great guy, we're steady, in fact I am about four months pregnant with his child. Thing is, for me, pregnancy is dangerous - at best. My doctors decided that is a very bad idea for us to have sex.
My BF and I were both non plussed over it, but for the well being of me and our child, we accepted it. We can still have oral and mutual masturbation and everything was fine.
So I Thought.
Lately though, my BF has been asking me how I would feel if he were to sleep with my sister, his point being that since we are twins it wouldn't really be cheating because she would look just like me and he'd be thinking of me the whole time.
I am Not buying it. It Still Feels like cheating to me, wrong somehow, and even if I went along, I am not sure my sis would be interested.
Whenever I complain about his saying things like this he backs off and tells me he was just kidding, but when we have "pretend sex" (As he calls it) he often brings it up.
Is this normal? I want him to be happy and sexually satisfied, but I am feeling a little hurt and conflicted.
You see because we're in France you have to make my bunk bed... but if we were in Germany then I'd have to make yours, sorry dude that's just the breaks, cause we're in France, not Germany...what? (Bullshit line by Bill Murray in Stripes- paraphrased)
Hey you, forget my theory then about your bf loving you so much...who knows?
No, the answer is "No, your can't sleep with my sister!" It's a no brainer and you have a brain, sweetheart, so you should know better. What does your heart say? Always trust it! The head is the one that circumnavigates what's best.
:)
Thanks tho - it helps keep things in perspective!
Tobra
he shouldnt even be asking this question. if he truely loves you (not the emotion, but the action) then he will make love to you, and only you when he can, b/c it is you, not b/c it looks like you.
im only 19 years old, but i see love as not an emotion, but something you hold an give to your significant other.
p.s. your boyfriend loves you , its just that he's been sex depraved for a long time and his "primal instincts" got to him , i know it's no excuse but don't punish him ( a lot ) for something he didn't do ...
I do not plan on cheating on my fiance but it is nice to play with the idea and realise to myself that I don't have to be tied down if I do not wish to be. However, my fiance is a great girl and I am truly happy just talking with her.
Yes, I really would like to have a sexual relationship with someone I am more attracted to but if I had to pick, I have to go with personality more. But it doesn't mean that I am less of a man or that my priorities have changed. I still wish my girlfriend would lose the weight and learn to dress up though.
Now your story, you appear like a great person and a guy saying he wants to do this or that kind of proves that he isn't all that great. If you look like your sister, then honestly I think he wants a threesome. (I have been offered this option by my fiance but honestly, nobody would like to go girl girl with her.) A lot of guys, including myself, love the IDEA of other options but the decent guys wont stray.
Yes, I am going to be married to a cow, but at least this way I am marrying my best friend. I know she will read this as I don't hide things from her, even ideas, and she will read and get annoyed...again...by me calling her a cow but I am trying to make a point.
What is "pretend" sex, could you please explain this?
But my biggest question is why your sister? Unless he is curious (Guys like me do think of crap like this from time to time although with me, not as much anymore) about if it is different with a twin or your lacking in something; I do not understand why your sister.
Were they ever friendly? If so, then it makes more sence. Are you two closely alike in looks, I mean could he tell you both apart or not. IF not, play as your sister and see if he "would" cheat. Also, does she know of his desire? Odds are, she being a girl would be quite annoyed and that would end that. If she is excited, it would beg to ask if they already did something?
I would love to give more advice or what I think, I just need more information. I guess my last question is would he be okay for you to sleep with a different man?
If so, then don't give up an opportunity but if he is appalled, then there is his answer.
It could also be about looks. I, as a man as well as all men in general (Its genetics, look it up.) perfer an attractive girlfriend. As I don't see your profile or know who the author is, I cannot comment on this factor but I will use Ms. October as an example.
Ms. October is rather beautiful and no I am not interested in her, just stating an opinion. I doubt her boyfriend would cheat on her and if one wanted to, then odds are its based upon her personality.
Guys in general, at least me, do not want a bossy woman. MY girlfriend (tired of saying fiance) as well as I am are both extremely passive. If one of us wants something, odds are the other will cave and give in. Its a nice relationship and I am truly happy with it.
I won't cheat because of WHO she is, not what she looks like. YES, I would like a hotter girl but then again, I would like bigger arms and a nicer stomach. Is having a bitch of a girlfriend worth the better looks, NO.
I think your boyfriend is getting bored. This is as much your fault as his. You need to treat him better or at least try some "relational upkeep." Try more to make him happy and let him know how much you like him. Don't say love, you can love your worst enemy, like means so much more to me.
Most of all, is the guy worth having? If so, TRY harder and if not, question yourself why you are with the guy and if you are truly happy with the situation.
Better yet, ask him as well?
Hes not getting any but thats not really it, relations with a pregnant girl is like driving a car that has been recked and because you no longer drive, he still wants sex. Remeber, he isn't pregnant.
Help him out in some way by your hand or whatever and that may help.