We are dating for almost three months. Our relationship is becoming pretty serious and I really love him. However I am getting fed up of waiting for sex. The problem is that he has been raped in the past (around one year ago) by a former male friend. We kiss and hug, but each time I put my hands under his clothes he already shivers of fear. We tried to move on slowly, but he always ends up crying or yelling at me. He tells me that I make him feel dirty or that I am disgusting. Eventually he apologizes, yet it hurts. I wonder how long it takes to get ‘cured’ of rape. Perhaps somebody has advice on how to sexually deal with rape victims.
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Understand him Nicely But not by putting your hands into his Shirt!
By the way, love does NOT equal sex. And 3 months is no where near long enough.
Frankly, he doesn't deserve someone with an attitude as selfish as yours.
People aren't "CURED" of rape... it can stay with them for the rest of their lives.
If you truly loved him, you would be there to support him. Have you even bothered to suggest he sees a counsellor or - SHOCK HORROR - that he can talk to you about anything he needs to?!
Get over yourself you attention seeking little brat.
If you love him that much, you have to persuade him to see a shrink or else he will remain damaged for the rest of his life. Sex is the least of all his problems here. If he feels small or that he is nothing more than a sex object, he will always have low self-esteem for the rest of his life. He will be refusing you sex for a very very long time until he can get this sorted out.
So... you say you really love him? Well... now is a fantastic time to prove it. Let's see if you if you will stick with him right until the very end. May I recommend you don't use the word 'love' lightly? You know, there are obligations attached to that very word.
I wouldnt say theres anything to lose in sticking with him though, its not like hes using you for your body...
I agree with most of the coments but especially this ones: yeathatgirl Ashyy sarah11111 tani.
Buy toys and as Mag!ck said: love waits.
Like councelling or meet doctor.
And be patient.
you've never not been able to think of the right word to describe something before? jesus, people, take a chill pill.
But aside from that, I think you should just wait, he needs time to get over what happened. He'll be ready in time.
And yes. the comments ARE harsh. because they aim to hurt the asker rather than give her advice. (which is what she posted for)
Also, sometimes comments need to be a little harsh to put things into perspective. The original question sounded like she was looking for him to get over the rape so that she could have sex with him, so it sounded like she wasn't really looking at things the right way at all.
and just think of how u would be if the same hapened to u , itll help u i garentee
WHORE.....
then maybe u shuldnt date him. just sayin.
Have a shower and don't use any perfume, leave the scent of soap only. Make him breathe your skin by going closer and closer. Don’t touch him. Make him touch you. When you feel you are close just stop and play again next day, week or so.
It would take time, don’t push him, don’t hurry.
Wish you both a good luck!
Either break up or be a bit more considerate.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Though you're in a relation, you'll have to consider and understand his situation. The guy's been raped by a....'guy' for god's sake!!
I believe, you should be more of a girlfriend and wait.
Point 2: Why is it that nothing satisfies girls? Ask for sex a bit regularly and we're being perverts...don't want sex, the girl freaks out.
Solution: If you really know what a 'girlfriend' is, you should take the lead and put in your effort to get your so called 'boyfriend' out of his trauma slow and steady.
Fuck....you aren't even a 'girlfriend' if you care more about sex than your boyfriend's life-changing incident!!
try takeing of your clothes and letting him touch u
if it was a girl that raped him, ok I might understand, but a guy???? common, He should be feeling great to having sex with a girl, that way he can have his manhood back....I'm guessing he's gay.....cause raped or not, A man usually can't control their desire for sex.
try this, put on a nice lingerie, a nice thong, topless (or use a sexy bra)...just walk by him, and see his reaction.... A real straight man would get a boner immediately...
I would get horny as hell, I might not show it, but I'll be fucking horny......
If you want the short answer? He may never get over this completely and have episodes where he's strange and can't handle physical intimacy. Realistically, two years should be enough to get him back to something like normal. However, if you are patient and let him be in control physically all the time he is more likely to be able to trust you and have sex some of the time. But it always has to be about what he wants, not even what he's willing to do, just what he wants. This is something incredibly selfless for you to willing accept. You can't do anything without him asking for it. Until he begins to want sex on a semi-regular basis you won't even be able to bring up the subject. I know that's a big deal, and lot to tell someone, but that's the problem with not being able to trust even the woman you love. It doesn't matter that he was raped by a man, you're still someone he knows and should be able to trust, and it was someone he trusted that did this to him. That he can't trust you all the time isn't your fault or his. I have one final piece of advice on contingency. When he has a flash back, does he freeze up? Freezing up causes a memory to stick in the short term memory preventing the brain from processing trauma and getting over it. If you back off physically when he's having an episode of PTSD and tell him to shake it will help him process the trauma. Scientist aren't sure why, but freezing physically causes the trauma to stick in the memory. Any movement at all during a flash back may help, though this advice is noted to have a greater effect when the trauma is more recently received.
Ive also been raped beforeby a former friend and i wasent ready with my girlfriend for about 2 years. Tell him that when hes ready you guys can have sex
In some cases rape victims will never want to have a sexual experience again.
You may have to choose if he is worth giving up sex all together.
a possibility is to remain only friends while he gets psychological help.
There is the possibility that he's not attracted to you, but since he shivers and gets scared, he might actually be attracted to you after all. There is a fear that can come over an inexperienced person if they're about to have sex with someone they are attracted to. But it's hard to tell if the fear is all due to the rape incident or if some of it's for the attraction scenario I just described, or maybe a combination of both.
i would of f***ed you first date cause your proble hot
have to have sex with you unless he's ready to.
I would say force him, but that might seem somewhat inappropriate :P
Just me though.
hmmmm.... u kno wut u r bich :D
if u cant understand n feel his pain despite havin the 40 sq metres of skin god has given u then u r no better than n earthwurm cuz neither does it has a brain nor organs, but it can feel so its better than u o.o
go fk urself :D
good luck :D
must be some story here..
he might gay previously before he know you...otherwise how come this happend? it's really weird to me..
But in all seriousness, sounds like he is infected with the H.OMOsXoulawl Virus, it is not contagious I ASSure you, but he may, and probably will, turn into a giant flesh hungry cthulhu, you have been warned.
You and the all the other trolls on here just need to go fxck themselves.
Problem solved.