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MY HUSBAND DOESNT PAY ATTENTION TO ME ;[ IS IT NORMAL?
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So, i just want to know.. is it normal for men to ignore you? I mean i do everything for my husband..i cook,clean,take care of our kids,please him sexually and im a pretty girl.Why wouldnt he pay attention to me? I hardly even put in time to me because im so busy trying to keep up on making HIM happy! Am i doing something wrong? Okay, so he wakes up,gets ready for work..from 8 to about 5-5:30 he works and then comes home and doesnt want to do anything but watch tv..it makes me so mad that i sit at home all day and do everything in my power to please him but when i want to spend time im like pushed to the side because he's "tired". What about how i feel? I understand that he worked and wants to relax but its a everyday thing..he just likes watching movies ALL THE TIME and im bored out of my mind always doing the same thing over and over! What can i do to get his attention?? I feel like im not good enough ;[ and it hurts to give everything and hardly be noticed for it. I really need help because i dont understand.
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Comments (37)
hey you are a lovely wife.. but aint going to work here !! the fact you dont give yourself time and attention.. explains it all. Love yourself, giver yourself time, try new things, enjoy your life and dont depend on him for your happiness :-) call your friends, enjoy ur kids, watch chick flicks, take care of yourself, pamper yourself and you should be fine and happy!!! (P.S.: do all this when he is busy with his own things)
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Excuse me? He's not good enough!!! (but don't tell him that) This is actually a game, believe it or not. I bet when he comes home you attempt to be nice and be like "hey, look what I did for you while you were gone?" and then, if he doesn't respond in the way you want, you maybe..(?) start nagging a little? I don't want to assume that you do, but I'm trying to think of a reason he'd want to watch tv. Ok, could be stress at work or possible nagging wife (I'm not saying you are). My advice would be for you to go out and start living your life! Arrange to meet with a friend one night out of the week or join a Yoga class a couple nights a week. Keep yourself occupied just like your husband is. Also, don't succumb to his domineering. I'd actually be asking help with around the house if I were you. But, like I said, make yourself happy - he's knows what he's in for when he gets home as of right now, so switch up the routine! "Hey honey, I'm gonna go to the gym!" "Hey babe, Kelly and I are going to go watch a movie and have some drinks" and if he asks why tell him it's because it's something you want to do that makes you happy. Once he sees you can get by without being so dependent on his attention, he'll be the one looking for the attention from you! Try it out! Just take notice that this might not happen overnight (it usually takes awhile before men 'wake up' to new things.
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Wow I disagree with this advice, but hey, each to their own. There are MANY ways to solve the same problem(s), just like on a computer there are often five or six different ways to do the same thing(s). The old adage "there is more than one way to skin a cat(fish)" comes to mind...

What you suggest is essentially a negative, controlling behavior. It is selfish, potentially harmful to the relationship, and demonstrates negative feelings of "getting out" of the relationship for a while -i.e. implying that it is more important to be with your friends and think only about yourself than to improve your marriage... You may get some results by going out, and you *may* feel better about yourself for a while. Heck, you might even motivate your hubby to start questioning WTF is going on, etc etc... BUT the "game" you play is a dangerous one... And I GUARANTEE you that your actions of playing such a game consciously are potentially far more volatile than your hubby doing so unwittingly. (There is no way any loving man is going to consciously make you feel like crud unless he's a complete narcissist.)

I agree 100%% that the guy IS screwing up, but he may not even REALIZE it! (Yes, guys are sometimes that "dense" in the relationship area, but then again, women can be too -from a guy's perspective. That's why love takes WORK, the "labor of love".)

Anyhow, the point is, playing games is NEVER the answer.... Bad advice. PERIOD! I'll respond separately with the advice I was inclined to give after reading the original question... Don't want to mix it up in this comment here.

But PLEASE PLEASE no matter what, don't go playing games with your hubby's heart, or the results you get may NOT be what you were really looking for... And you may even find yourself becoming someone you are not happy with in the process. There are better ways to open someone's eyes, ways that involve positive changes and ways of thinking instead of negativity.
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Galaxy500 - I agree! and as time goes on you will see how happy LIVING makes you feel! This is preparing for the begininng of the new you!!
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You sound like an amazing wife. I'm sorry to hear you feel ignored :( everyone deserves to be loved and you are totally worth It. You need 2 tell him how u feel explain that you understand he's tired that your tired too raising children and keeping house is hard work! Try to meet him halfway maybe arrange a date night once every few weeks you need to be honest about how you feel trust me you are not alone! Also I think its time you start thinking about yourself you deserve to be happy and if your happy then it effects how u treat other people its not selfish to treat yourself sometimes it will make u an even better mom and wife
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im in the exact situation... i was kinda hoping the comments would reassure me that its completely normal , that all men would rather spend time with their tv then their lady. :( guess we're both in trouble
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Go stay with a friend for a week or so take the kids to someone u can trust and see how he likes coming home to an empty house
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Mojo is a doushe btw
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There is a book called MEN ARE LIKE WAFFLES WOMEN ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI. I know silly name right, but it helped my marrage so much. My husband was not willing to read his part of the book WOMEN ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI, but I read my part. I leaned some eye opening things about my husband and applyed them. He soon took notice of the difference in me and asked about it so I gave him the book. He learned many thing about his wife (just to let you know he did not see the difference till 6mos later).I will let you in on a little of the book. The reason your husband dose not respond to you when he gets home is because he is still in his work box and needs time to climb into his home box. Men are like waffles they have little boxs and they need time to get from one box to the other. So when you jump on him the min he comes home it messes the transition up and thats when he just shuts down. Just like we have needs so do our husbands. Try giving him 30 min of silance when he comes home then approch him. I always give my husband a kiss say I missed you and leave him to get in his home box (going and getting him something to drink also helps). Never took the time to write on advice stuff online but am passonate about marrages. The book I talked about can be found on amazon bought mine used for 4 dollars, best 4 dollars I ever spent and got back more than that in return Thank you and I wish you the best.
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Go on a vacation with your husband. Preferably someplace without a tv. Get some cards, or some board games or some genuine groups thing to do. That might partially break the habit. They need to be relaxing though. He is tired.
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Discuss this with your husband. Be thankful and give him credit for everything that he does for the family. Show him that you understand his situation and express that you want to spend more time with him. No one is perfect, and most people can only hope for really good phases in their relationships. Try to exercise more patience. It's very normal to feel tired after work. At least he works hard for you too and comes home to you everyday at the same time. Some wives would kill for that kind of normalcy.
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Talk to him , find the reason be honest and tell what you feel
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I know my comment seems mean but it's meant to be. Personally I hope it ends up helping you more than any of the comments put together by helping you see something.
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try getting your hair done then stopping off at the dirty book store for a nice vibrator and then go home and give him something to notice.
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It is probably normal. My wife ignores me and says that when the women in the office talk they all want their husbands to not "bother" them so much. On the other hand I have friends who are upset and feel rejected that I do not have sex with them and tell them it is because I am married. There is a certtain irony here.
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Man, what is up with these clingy women!?! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe! He is tired! Maybe he wants down-time... let him relax. Does he provide for your family? Does he pay for the groceries? I am a female myself, and I find it that when you give him his space, he comes to you and gives you attention. I am not the kind of person that is attention hungry like you seem to be. I may be wrong, but you sound find of needy and clingy and like you thirst for attention.

First thing, you have to be comfortable without the attention. Let him relax if you think about it, he is working about 9 to 9 and half hours daily. If he just wants to come home and watch TV, let him! I understand you do housework during that time, but he provides for the family. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Second thing, please do not play games...... it's not attractive, makes it more complicated than it has to be.... most men aren't into head games... I knew one girl, she basically thought her husband didn't give her any attention, so she would lie to him and tell him she was going out with friends every night.... sometimes she would and sometimes she'd be by herself.... and you know what happened? Her husband divorced her for never being around. So please don't play head games. If you try everything in your power to please him, you aren't at fault... he is.
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And what if I as a wife who understands all he is going through and offer up gentle stress relieving massages and sexs to help him relax? No games. All of the benefit of doubt - no problem. Have talked to him but to no solid avail. Now what am I missing?
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There's this book called "The Dance of Anger" by a woman psychologist named Harriet Lerner and it was a New York Times best seller. I'm sharing this with you because I've been in the same boat you are right now. PLEASE PLEASE get it!!!
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and I thought I was long winded...
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must have a lot on his mind. distant in his head, maybe he can not connect with you emotionally or show effection im the same way unfortunately, its usuallly cus im preoccupied with a million other thoughts that consume me.. hope everything works out, you sound liek the perfect wife
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I'm in the same boat! :( thats how I found this site. I try not to let it bother me but after so long I have to let it out! So I'm try to calmly talk to him and tell him how I feel and he just doesn't understand! He thinks I'm being too needy and insecure. He's right, I am insecure NOW because of how dole our relationship has gotten! I'm craving pasion, and want. I want to be wanted for more then a good meal and a fresh pair of socks! I want him to get a little excited when he see me when he gets home from work! I want him to come up behind me when I'm cooking and wrap is arms around my waist and kiss my neck. No, and not saying I want it to turn x-rated in the kitchen (but that would be nice lol) I just want to FEEL like he really wants me, and he is really happy to have me in his life. Yes I understand feelings die down after the years, but why do I still crave those things? I DON"T GET IT! We'll talk about it, then he'll do good for a week, then its back to Mr.Couch potato falling asleep watching T.V. and didn't even touch me once. Aren't all men horn dogs? lol Why do I have to beg to "get some?" And I'm a pretty attractive female! And the fact that he doesn't want me that often makes me feel sooooooo insecure! I feel like im not good enough. I could walk around in my undies and most of the time he wont even notice. He's a good man, and I feel really bad about always having to bring up the same thing. I know it must suck for him too. Honestly, its just SUPER confusing! Sometimes I think he's only with me because we have a child. He says thats not the case, but to me actions speak louder then words.....Please, no one has really said if this is a normal guy thing???? Or am I just not "the one" for him? :/ He tells me that im being silly, and I have nothing to worry about, but honestly, that's not how I feel inside. I'd really like to hear the good advice SUPRA661 has to offer. She seems like she knows what she's talking about. I really just want him to show me a little more want and affection. HELP!
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I'm in the same boat to a t. It's so frustrating. I'm a mother of 4 boys. The baby is my biological son, the other three boys are from a previous relationship of which the mother is not present and hasn't been for over four years. It goes through waves but it never really gets any better and i just don't know how to change the pattern. I feel overworked and underappreciated!! I feel the same girl all i am is a hot meal and a clean pair of socks. And yeah he works hard but when he comes home at six he gets to unwind and relax, my day never ends!!!! I go go go until i collapse barely getting enough sleep to recover to do it again tomorrow. And the weekends don't get me started its even worse because no ones in school. And don't get me started on how frustrating it is to get the boys to help by cleaning up after themselves. Its a joke. And i feel like no matter how many times and how many different ways i say to my husband I'M TIRED, I'M NOT FEELING SUPPORTED, I NEED HELP, I NEED A BREAK, WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME, it's always just dismissed as nothing's wrong or I'm looked at like a crazy lady cause i am so frustrated and angry. I'm dead sexy, but since i just had a baby in not in the best of shape yet, but i know I'm not that fat or ugly in any way so what's the problem here!!! I feel nothing gets initiated unless i initiate and even then it's just not satisfying. I don't have any friends because i haven't lived in this state long and when i tried to meet women they were all fake. My husband and i were best friends for a few years before we got together and now i feel like we don't even have that and that was the best part. I'm just so frustrated and sick of feeling dismissed, alone, unappreciated, unwanted, unsexy, not supported, just unexsisting!! I'm going on strike. Make your own food, clean your own clothes, live in a filthy house, be boring and watch tv that's obviously what you want anyways. Ugh. I don't get it.
Its so hard too because i feel a real separation sometimes between him and his children and me and i don't know why. I don't want it to be that way. I love them as if they were mine, i consider them mine, but i feel they take his attitude towards things. I just feel ostricized sometimes and so insecure lately and its so so so not me. I'm a very confident, strong, independent women but lately I'm feeling so the opposite. I left my career to help raise his children instead of putting them in daycare and i got pregnant a year later and now i just feel trapped. I miss my best friend.
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This is to all the people who want to say that it is the fault of the "clingy" woman - you're wrong. My huband and I have been together 8 years, and married for 3. We have a 6 year old autistic son who needs 24/7 care at all times. My husband can not get a good job because of his background (before we met) which means he works all the time to provide money for our family. I completely understand that he works hard for a good reason, but I was the sole provider for our family for 4 1/2 years. When he was a stay-at-home dad he had the same feelings of loneliness and jealousy that I was never home, and when I was home I didn't make him feel appreciated. I realized that my family needed me to be just as aware at home as I was at work. I started cleaning more, cooking dinners more often, and giving him nights off from taking care of our sons nightly duties. But the tables have turned now and I decided to stay home with our son so that I could finish my degree, and so that he could get back out there to provide (like he wanted to). Now that I have been having feelings of loneliness and jealousy because he works so much and it seems like he is happier at work than at home I had to sit down with him and let him know how I felt. I told him that eventually if he didn't take a little more care of his families needs (paying attention to us) that we would start not caring when he was home. It would just turn into a scenario like...."great your home honey - love you. Food is on the stove and we are heading out because I planned something fun for us (my son and myself) to do. See you later" He noticed then how much it meant to me to have him include himself when he comes home, and he has really started "being home" when he comes home. So, in my opinion you just need to talk with your husband and be truthful. Don't yell or get too upset (because then you are just creating a fight) but communicate the reality of how things will play out if his actions don't change. It's not nagging - it's being honest. Hope this helps.
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All of this is too familiar. Tonight I feel upset because my husband ignores me and is so stubborn. Forever he has been playing fantasy football. When he does so, he talks to this guy pal incessantly. I am starting to feel jealous because he spends more time with his game and his friend online then me. I give him the alone time he wishes. I never bother him right when he gets home but after hours and hours of being ignored, I expect some kind of recognition. If I try to tell him how I feel he blows me off, gets angry and of course he yells and says mean things so we never get any where. Slowly, I've started to stop talking with him and the kids think he doesn't care at all about them because when he's not working, all he does is play that stupid game. He even takes his computer to work to play the game. We went through a period of when I didn't feel attractive to him about five years ago. He'd hit his 30's and stopped getting turned on by me. At least that is how I felt. Sex was difficult because he wouldn't stay hard long enough for us to have sex. He even said he couldn't feel me any more. I was devastated. I started figuring out that he would look at porn every day and get off on it and I just felt completely ugly. I wanted to feel pretty to a man and eventually I broke. I left for awhile. He asked me to come back and said things would be different. For awhile I thought we were so much better and we even communicated good. He really seemed to care. As he gets older he actually seems to be getting meaner. He just won't listen to me hardly at all now and I suppose he takes me for granted. I see his parents and how they have nothing to do with my kids unless it suits them and swear to God, he is just like them. I don't like the way he is...and when I married him he was so kind. I That was his baby. He actually cried when each baby was born and now he just ignores the kids. Now, his computer is his baby.
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I probably don't have the answer or even any good advice but I have some insight as a man. I'be been married to my wonderful wife for 10 years this month, she is an extremely loving person and great mother. Lately I have been in a similar situation as you that was opened my eyes and made me realize that women are indeed different than men in so many aspects. She has come to me on a couple occasions stating that she looks at other couples who hold hands, kiss in public, cuddle in bed, etc. etc. something that I have failed to do. This past month it has become even more apparent of her feelings. I have always been puzzled as I always work hard to make sure my family has what they need, anything she wants I work hard to make it happen, I have taken her on vacations, spend lots of money and provided the best I could... except with affection.. She advised me that she went to another man a couple years ago for attention but it only happened once, she didn't have sex with him and she felt bad about it, she will not however disclose any information on this guy as she thinks I will have something done to him. This has opened up my eyes to a whole new world and I now have a better understanding of what women are looking for, I have since given her affection, holding her in public, kisses, spending more time with her and she says I am doing a great job. You sound like a great wife and he probably does not realize what he is doing to you, same as me, I had NO idea. I love my wife dearly and would be lost without her. I hope your husband wakes up and see's the light. Good luck!
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My mouth is full of testimonies, my husband left the home for two years to south Africa for a tourist, where he meant this prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr Abulu and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. Dr Abulu of abuluspiritualhome@yahoo.com
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Doreen3015
I have a testimony to share with you only if you are willing to listen to me, My name is Williams Edwin from London. i have been having problems in some aspect of my life which almost led me to commit suicide, several time i applied for jobs and each time i was turn down, it come to a point that my girl friend left me for another guy and this made me to have high blood pressure (B.P). One day as i was looking for job online in the internet i came across a testimony of a woman how a great spell caster called Doctor Zaza help her with his spell to solve her problems so i decided to contact the Spell caster (Doctor Zaza) by mail. i narrated all my story to him and the only thing he told me was don't worry because your problems are solve already for you have made the right choice of contacting me. i filled his form and provide the item he requested from me for the preparation of the spell to get me a good job, bring my ex back and also to heal my high blood pressure (B.P) and today my brothers and sisters that are reading this i am very glad to say that Doctor Zaza is a God on earth sent by God to solve problems. I have a good Job now, My ex is back and i am healed of my High Blood Pressure (B.P). Do you have problems and you think all hope is gone, i advise you to contact Doctor Zaza today and you problem will be solve just as he solve mine ok. Doctor Zaza email is: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com
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Amazing! I want to thank Dr sanjay for what he has done for me in my life,After my lover left me for over 5years without no notice i was so frustrated and confused i never knew what to do until i got in contact with my best friend in usa called Nicole, After she told me the great work of Dr sanjay how people talk good about him on radio stations and internet so she gave me the contact in contacting Dr sanjay, Then which i did i called Dr sanjay and told him how my lover left me for over 5years,He told me just to be happy that i will have him back to my arms within 48hours,i was like is this real,So mean while i had faith in Dr sanjay that he would bring back my lover,Really before the 48hours i got a call from a man who has left me for over 5years begging me for forgiveness,Which i did and he bought me a nice car, And now we are together and he love's me more than anything on this earth and can't do without seeing me a day am so happy and am bringing this great news to everyone, That there is a man who can bring back happiness to there life. Am happy today with the one i love. Dr sanjay also heal any kind of diseases or sickness. please you can contact him for help on his private mail sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail. com or cell Number +2348176363653
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I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who's name is Dr Ogala he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one's gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I'm now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 2 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is (ogalalovespell@yahoo.com)
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I want to thank princetess egg for bringing joy and happiness to my attitude and my family. I lost my friend and I needed help, until I found prinncetess female spell caster, and she assured me that I get my friend, two days after the spell. Two days later, my phone rang, and it is shocking, it was my friend who has not called me for a long time, and apologized for the heart break and told me that he is willing to devote the rest of his life with me. princetess egg is released, so he knew how much I loved him and wanted .. Now me and my fiance to live a happy life, and our love is stronger than it was before our break up .. All thanks toprincetess excessive work she has done for me. Below is her e-mail address in the situation you are experiencing heart break, and I assure you that, as it has done for me is mine, it will definitely help you too. E-mail: princetessolaspell@gmail.com
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Have you tried giving him a blowjob?
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I am afraid that it happens to lots of women. There are so many things to say about that, that I'll give you the most concise advice I can. If you want something different, the only thing you can do is to vary your behavior, since if you keep doing what you are used to, you are going to go through the same kind of experience forever. I know it seems too simple and it is. I didn't say it is easy though. Give it a try.
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@: Dilbert
Several Swanson dinners and a night or two out with your girls might produce "some" results. Don't forget to return with an undesirable doggy bag to place on the kitchen counter.
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All I can say is that guys hate mind games, just as you would hate it if he was playing mind games with you. This day & age you really depend on the though or hope that "if I ignore him a little, maybe it'll turn things around for the good"... maybe he'll think you are totally not into him & not wanting anything in the relationship anymore & then he'd leave you. I have some of the same problems in my relationship & I hate it that every time I get a thought in my head that something is completely wrong & maybe read too much into something, it back fires. I bring it up to him & he doesn't get 'mad' but almost annoyed because he isn't doing anything wrong & he feels that whatever he does for you it isn't good enough. I would just sit him down, tell him what's bother you & try to build your relationship from there. good luck :)
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You know what? Reading your comment again I don't know why I was still even trying to be nice. You sound like a hopeless case IMHO and I don't think any advice on here will help you realize anything. I feel sorry for the guy. If and when you guys get divorced, remember that some guy from IIN once told you that it would probably happen, and that you will swear it's all his fault when it's actually yours.

I beg you to come to your senses, put yourself in his shoes, and then look in the mirror to solve your problems.
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Birdymojos right, it's not him that need adjusting
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Omg, stfu! No wonder he ignores you!

Wouldn't you avoid a whiny biatch?
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