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My wife wants sex ALL the time
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35 Comments

My wife wants sex all the time but, I do not. She is always available and I feel like such a dumb ass for refusing her but, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT all the time. Sometimes I force myself to perform and when we are in the act it feels great and I really enjoy myself.
One problem which I will not discuss with her is our weight, she has gained and I have lost. She is fairly big and I am the slimmest I have ever been in my adult life. despite her weight she has the attractive face and (especially eyes) I have ever seen. Yet, I'm afraid that the weight issue may not be the problem and I am not vein enough to let her weight stop me from loving her with my entire heart. I love her very, very, very much, we have been married for 12 years and as far as I know we both are very faithful. Thoughts of her make me happy to come home after work and we are both fairly affectionate with not adversity to public displays of affection. It breaks my heart to think that it may hurt her feelings when I cannot get it up
1) Is it normal to love your wife but, not want to have sex?
2) I haven't tried Viagra but am willing to try anything. Anyone have experience with boner pills?
Thanks for your time.
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Comments (35)
Well, first of all this is *unfortunately* normal.
This is currently happening to me but i'm the woman in the story, and it suck's. I've put on weight from having our first child, I developed allergies I didnt know about until very recently so my body wasnt breaking down things properly. And I just didnt have time to eat properly with a very young child. But i'm dieting now but my metabolism is very low so it's taking forever... ANYWAY....

Best thing you can do, is tell her you decided to eat healthily from now on because you're not happy with how you're both eating and you would like to have more energy etc etc etc (lie lie lie! you just want her to lose weight, but DO NOT tell her that), the WORST thing you could do is bring up her weight, it would be a really stupid thing to do.

Meanwhile, while she's unknowingly losing weight, just make her feel better - it's probably just the sexual attention she's missing which is making her want it all the time. Use your tongue or fuck her with your fingers and tell her it turns you on that she's the sole pleasure-taker. Tell her to fuck herself because you want to watch her do it.
FEEL her more often, trust me on this, if she thinks you're feeling her body because you find her sexy, she will be alot more satisfied. Even if you're not enjoying it at all, just feel her breasts, lick/suck them. Lick her stomach or just put your hands on her hips and kiss her and call her sexy.

Basically just make her feel better, when she's lost abit of weight on the diet say something like ''WOW! youve lost weight, you look great'' that should keep her on it.

I wish my partner knew all this, because then I wouldnt feel like shit so often because he denies me sex 9/10 times lol :) goodluck
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Oh, and another thing. If you're not particularly aroused on a night when she is aroused and you don't feel like fucking, you can always say, "Honey, I don't feel like doing it tonight, but I can eat you out". That's what I'd do. Sometimes it doesn't have to be about you getting yours. I'm the type of guy who gets pleasure from pleasing my woman. I don't always feel like boning, but I'm always down to make her cum.
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dont complain you dont know how lucky you are a lot of guys would love to be in your place
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Man have fun with her. I love having sex with my wife.
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"It breaks my heart to think that it may hurt her feelings when I cannot get it up"

Let me ask.. do you WANT to have sex, but cannot get hard?? If so try a doctor, or Viagra, whatever is easiest!!

I hope you do know that you can use many other parts of your body!!! - many women actually wish to find a man with a 12 inch TONGUE!!!! :D

A sex therapist will help you find
out how.... :)
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@: comnut
12 inch tongue Ha ha Use your brain and other parts of your body. Go down on her
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People have different sexual desires at different times in their lives. Just tell her you're a little worm out right now, but you still love her, are wild about her etc. THEN buy her the kind of vibrator that's especially made for the clit and use it on her. Don't just hand it to her and say, "Here, try this out." But get her in bed, hug and kiss her and say, I got you something I think we'll both enjoy; let's try it out.
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Very good. Buy a dildo and use it on her. Sex playing is fun. Enjoy the sex and love, but do not cross that line. Have no others in your bedroom
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you sound like such a nice guy, and I can tell it is really upseting you because you dont want to hurt her. I agree with robin that maybe a good vibrator would be a good idea. I'm an 18 year old girl and I have been a lot more sexually inclined than a lot of guys. It is def a myth that guys are more horny. Also I think maybe... she may realize that you are looking so good (and thin) and be trying to compensate by asking for sex. Maybe her self esteem is down, because she has put on weight while you have lost some and she needs to know you still find her sexually attractive. I am wondering if the amount of sex shes asking for has increased or if its stayed the same and you just want it less?
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wanna swap wives?
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lol @ qwespol.

Oh, Woe is You, bro. Your wife seems to be in the bottom percentile of wives who actually WANT SEX OFTEN. Man, isn't there something depressing or fucked up that you'd rather bitch about?
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Dangle a cupcake in front of the treadmill
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That is weird. Take advantage of the fact the your girl wants sex.
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I noticed a lot of people like to dance around the weight issue. People these days are getting more and more sensitive, but in a bad way. People need to know when they're getting extremely fat. It will eventually kill them. We can ignore that fact all day long, but in the end...they're going to end up in a coffin prematurely. Perhaps you could explain this to your wife. You could express your concern for her health. I think one of the reasons that most people are not attracted to obese people is that they are not healthy. There has been some study into why certain people are considered more sexually attractive. One of those reasons is the health of a potential mate is subconsciously considered in choosing. Nature is playing a role in these decisions in order to increase the likelihood of healthy offspring. I seriously doubt that you're experiencing impotence or require potentially harmful medications. Viagra is for those that have a real physical condition and not the lack of libido due to not being physically attracted to your mate. America is becoming the fattest nation and also the nation where hardly anyone is willing to tell the fat people that they are heading toward their grave for the sake of their feelings. Refuse to buy fattening foods and throw any away no matter how angry she becomes. It will be worth it in the end. She will drop the pounds and she'll stay alive for a while longer. I know that's what you want because you obviously love her a great deal. If all else fails, try to get her into to counseling. There may be an emotional disorder behind the behaviour. Good luck. Peace
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@: tommy81
"People need to know when they're getting extremely fat. ...... Perhaps you could explain this to your wife."

YEAH- like we DON'T KNOW WE ARE HAVING PROBLEMS FITTING INTO OUR CLOTHES.. DUH.

telling someone they are fat just makes them hate you. WE KNOW when our clothes are getting tight- even a 4 yr old knows that. And in today's culture how can anyone in this country NOT know the health risks associated w/ obesity?

Thank you so much, Captain Obvious.
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You combined two completely different sentences together to make one when you quoted me. I'm not suggesting that someone should be insulting to an obese person. However, if it gets to the point where their health could be at serious risk, there is no sense in beating around the bush about it. What I meant by saying, "maybe you could explain this to your wife", is that maybe he could somehow explain his concerns about her health in a way that wouldn't be detrimental to her emotional well being. You say:

"And in today's culture how can anyone in this country NOT know the health risks associated w/ obesity?"

Fine, yet the same pattern of behaviour remains. So would that mean that these folks know the risks and choose not to care? Perhaps they are not too bright? I've got it, they may have a problem with too much junk food and not enough exercise! Sometimes a little tough love is in order. It's better than having them fall over one day from a coronary. There are ways of expressing your concern without being frank. One way would be to throw away any high calorie junk that comes in the house. Then one could say,"Gee honey, I think we oughta start eating healthier." The point will get across and you wouldn't even have to mention anything about weight. Also, I'm not talking about people who have just gained a few pounds or are a little bit on the chubby side (which can actually be attractive on some people). I'm talking about those who could be diagnosed with diabetes or heart disease any day now.

"Thank you so much, Captain Obvious."

You would think that it's obvious, but judging by how gargantuan the people in America are getting I would have to say that maybe it's not.
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Ollieo
@: tommy81
Talk to your Dr - with you they can sort out medical and/or relationship issues around erections. If it is just a difference in libido, there are other ways of keeping her satisfied.

tommy81 - you don't know there is an obesity issue here - just changes in weight. Her up, him down. Point well taken though.
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@: Ollieo
I know it sounds weird, but have you thought of swinging? If you can look past everything you were taught about the fact sex is supposed to be between man and his wife.. Sex is fun, its exciting, and it doesn't have to be with just each other. If you can both be mature about it, you will love each other just the same the next day.. But just think of the passion that she will feel as she has sex with another man and looks at you and realizes how dirty she is being, that will turn her on enormously, and it should drive you nuts too as she is being very dirty for you. The excitement from that will be enough to keep you two having sex, you will want it as much as she does... Only if the idea is turning you on.. For me its all about pleasing her, i am not selfish at all. But some people just cant handle it.. Its just a thought, spice things up a bit and your sex life will improve.
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Tell her to go on a diet. Dont take pill if you can get on rock. do it when it feels good. I would rather screw once a month in love than F everyday cause it gets old. Does she like it in her anus? try that.
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Please for the love of all that is awesome, nobody more rate this normal or abnormal,
the %% is at 69, that's like fate showing him the way!

I love you fate.
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I do not mean to place thoughts of adultery in your mind, but if your wife does have a problem, it may be a psychological one. For how long has your wife had this?? Try not to refuse your wife too often, or she may attempt to find pleasure elsewhere. Try a bonk roster. Dont take drugs if you can help it. Your body was not designed for them.
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I believe that her weight *is* the issue. As a woman gains weight (especially in the abdomen area), she becomes less and less attractive sexually. You may desire her emotionally, but your body will not cooperate. Moreover, the added weight can make certain sexual positions more awkward or difficult.

The solution: put her on a *low-carbohydrate* diet (such as Atkins). For emotional support, you can do this same diet alongside with her--it won't harm you. Viagra pills can help you get erections, but this is not a good solution in the long term.
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Viagra will work, but it will be masking a deeper issue. It could be your wife feels insecure about you losing weight. I heard it said men only lose weight for 2 reasons, another woman and cancer. Do your best to help her lose weight. Don't allow junk food in the house and make sure you both stay physically active. buy your wife a bike so you can ride together. Don't sit around the house. Always have something to do when you are together. You both seem like quality people. Make her your priority right now and you will reap the benefits for the rest of your life.
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She probably wants sex all of the time because she needs you to make her feel wanted. If I were you, I would try the kids of things that most men have to do to get their wives in the mood to have sex - hugging more, more touching, you know, the kinds of foreplay things. In sex therapy they would tell you to do that stuff without having sex be the outcome. Perhaps you could get away with only that.

Don't commit adultury that would make problems worse for all of you.

As for her weight, there can be so many reasons that one can gain weight, maybe you should recommend that she see a doctor - medications can contribute to weight gain and sex desire, for instance antidepressants, etc.
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Relationships, and especially marriage, is about sacrifice and a lot of give and take. You shouldn't really turn down your wife so often, it's not like you have to have sex everynight especially after a hard day at work, but you need to at least make an effort to show intimate affection with her too, that's important even if you have to fake it for a while.

If I were you I would put on the mask and just have sex with her for her, not you for the time being when you dont want it. And in the meantime why don't you *If you can do this smoothly, you should know your wife by now to know how to approach with sensitivity* do something new with her exercise wise, but you HAVE TO DO IT TOGETHER. You will hurt her feelings and cause mistrust if you tell HER to go on a diet or tell HER to go the a gym. Get a membership together, go on a diet together, tell her you feel low in energy and that you are insecure about being thin and would like her to start a workout plan TOGETHER.

What ever you do, do it as a team and in 6 months you'll have muscle definition and she will have lost weight, and both of you will be healthier, stronger, and more confident PLUS all that working out will increase attraction between the two of you and increase your libido.

Just take the advice and do it.
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I think Freckly has said it right on. Also- the wife maybe feeling a bit insecure, possibly thinks keeping you 'busy' or worn out will keep you from seeking sex outside the marriage from someone more attractive [she may think you can do better than her now...].

Or, she just may find that you are NOW her ideal HOT man, and cannot get enough of you. What better fantasy come true that a hot, sexy man that loves you and wants you and has lots of sex with you? You ARE her dream come true...

Sex is supposed to burn lots of calories, and recent studies show lots of sex keeps a marriage strong... be careful w/ the blue pills- say it's hard on your heart. Ask her if you can just watch, and tell her you love her but are tired. Make sure your time is accounted for until she is feeling secure with your motives for slowing down.
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Congratulations, you have mismatched sex drives. And it sucks. I'm in the same situation, but I'm the one wanting and she isn't. It sucks.

Weight doesn't matter as much to me (within reason of course). But to each their own. Although interestingly enough that was given as an excuse ... "I don't feel sexual, because I feel fat".

Seems like you have a few options here:
1. Do nothing (default option). Maybe your wife will hunker down and put up with this the rest of her life.
2. Get your testosterone levels tested.
3. Get her testosterone levels tested.
4. Make your relationship "open" so she can get the sex she needs.
5. End the relationship
6. Some combination of the above options.

2 & 3 are probably a good option regardless from a general health point of view. Option 1 will probably make your wife feel neglected and ignored and will possibly in time make her resent you.

Why didn't you see this coming? Did you wife's sex drive suddenly ramp up? Did yours suddenly decline? What changed?

In my case, my woman's sex drive suddenly fell off. I put up with it. I'm open to having an open-relationship (with her consent). And it does cause resentment and hurt feelings.
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As far as her weight goes, join a gym together, do not talk to her about her weight all that will do is hurt her. Just recommend that you both go out, find more activities that you both can do to get in shape. The sex is your real problem, it is so easy for people to say I don't want it, but why? I may look at thing different but our society dictates that the person who wants sex the least should set the pace, there for our divorce stats are terrible. You need to look inside yourself and figure out why having frequent sex with your wife is a problem. Do not do like most people and pass it off as a sex drive issue because it is much more than that. If you wish to keep your marriage strong you will keep up with your wifes needs, if you don't you are gambling they will be met some place else. If you do not wish to have sex there are other ways to get her off that you both could enjoy, maybe start doing some tongue exercise.
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Tell her she's fat and your loosing your sex drive because of it. Or Live with it.
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ok first she need to lose sone weight and you need to get your libido back, try new things
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Yeah i seem to have that prob too
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I have been in the exact same position with my last 2 boyfriends. I thought it was because my 1st love and I used to go at it for hours each day so that's what my body expected. I just have a really high sex drive, you should introduce some toys, I use that to satisfy myself when my partner can't. Hope that helps. :)
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If she loves you as much as you love her, she'll stick to the vibrator. If not, she may go shopping. Something for you to consider: Wife sharing. It may sound like a horrible idea at first, but it may be a suitable alternative. Both of you must agree that the experience is to share body parts, not feelings (sex, not love). An otherwise healthy marriage and respect for each other are prerequisites. It is strictly for fun and pleasure. Keep feelings completely out of it, and YOU may enjoy it more than she does. Many, many couples take this route and lead much happier lives as a result.
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when her weight get's so bad it affects her face and she starts to get a piggy face and jowels and a double chin then you should think about saying something.
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Ollieo
You really love her & thats great but you are over thinking the weight thing. Its the thing thing (yours). And it has you worried because she is outperforming & overtaking you in her healthy love of the lust department.

Talk to your Dr about the limp biscuit. And use your tongue for more than talking to the Dr.
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