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Nearly 21, never been kissed: will i end up alone forever?
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I feel like such a loser admitting this, but here goes nothing. I'm a 21 year-old-female who has never been kissed, never had sex and has never had a relationship. At first I started to think it was just circumstantial, but I'm starting to think I'll end up alone forever. Every time I like a guy, he's either unavailable or he doesn't like me back. I even tried using one of those online dating sites and the one decent guy I talked to for awhile and made plans with ended up blowing me off and never contacting me again. I honestly don't know what to think. It's not like I sit around waiting for a guy to ask me out...I have things to keep me busy. I'd like to think I have a decent personality....so does that mean I'm just so hideous that I'm meant to end up like a crazy cat lady???
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Comments (14)
Every so often, I find myself googling this exact same question. It gives me at least a little relief, knowing that there are others out there like me. Those moments when I reflect on my life, desperately searching for a friend or even an acquaintance that I know, who is 20 or older and hasn't been kissed. When I draw blanks, the only last bit of hope is cyber space. Here, at least, I can find some solace. Like yourself, I only have a few months left of being twenty. And the longer I remain unkissed, the harder it seems to be. It makes me feel unattractive and lonely. It feels like even my family, who once insisted I remain to busy to date (not that would have deterred me, if someone was genuinely interested), now throws out subtle hints about me finding a boy, and when I don't [not sure if I am being paranoid] I feel like they try to impress upon me their gay friendly attitudes more forcefully. And my continuous lack of significant other, or at least physical contact with, makes me feel like I am socially unacceptable, and there must be something wrong with me. Now of course along with the added pressure, I wonder if i ever get the chance, will I not freak out for fear I will be completely awful at kissing, something that I should have had lots of practice doing by 21. I hope one day, my day will come. For now, thanks for this question.
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This is the way i imagine myself when i'm your age. All my friends have atleast had a small relationship with a guy and i havent. I dont even feel like a girl.
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OP, I feel like you and I are in the exact same situation. Every single detail you mentioned is the say as my situation. I'm a little creeped out at how similar the situations are, actually, lol. I don't have any advice, but I wanted to tell you you're not alone.
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Hey!
I think I know how you feel! I am 20 and have never been kissed or been in a relationship either. People keep telling me how pretty and beautiful I am but never had a boyfriend or anything. I think sometimes this surprises some people. I know guy's have crushes on me, but nothing ever comes out of it and the guy's I like are off limits. I go to a university and there are plenty of guy's around but none seem to be right and am quite quiet. I understand you when you say that you worry about being lonely and single for the rest of your life because I am beginning to feel increasingly like that 2. I think we just have to try and accept the comment of 'When it happens, it will happen' though I really dislike that comment. I don't think it's abnormal at all, though very annoying!!! Hope this makes you feel a bit better.
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Youre not the only one, I'm 21 year old male and I have never dated, never kissed and been out with a woman.

I always had a lot of problems myself with life during my life long virginity and the roads have been bitter but I always heard from others that I'm sure youre just havent found the right moment to date.

Focus on getting involved in a social club or something and make the best of it, that way you may meet somebody, its just a suggestion but I'm sure itll work.

But tbh dont worry about trying to find a partner, it will come when you least expect it and when there is that one guy who likes you, when dont be afraid to ask him out
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I'm a 29 year-old male and I have never had sex before and neither have I been in a relationship before. So if you ever feel bad, just think about me.

Seriously, you're only 21, you're young and still have many years to go. What you're doing here is being sensible. Most of your friends who have already done it by 21 probably chose a man indiscriminately because they just wanted to know what sex felt like. You're better than that because you're actually seeking a special connection and that makes you special. You're a good and sensible person and that is something to be very proud about.

I come from a culture where women normally wait until they are married before they have sex... and this is normally in the late 20s. So as you can see here, you're just feeling unnecessary peer pressure that may lead to disaster should you succumb to it. In an age where unwanted pregnancy is on the rise, I thank God for more people like you.
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It's normal. You sound just like a friend of mine and she just has a strong personality. Could just be that? Maybe?

If you talk a lot, it's common for guys to flee or feel hesitant to get their feet wet. It's very possible that you will find someone very much like you someday. You just have to wait and see. I don't mean wait and do nothing, but don't try too hard to find someone. Just relax and they will come to you.

I'm sure you're very beautiful inside and out. Colorful people are sometimes best left to other colorful ones. ;)
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Hey! :) Nooo you're perfectly normal! I didn't have my first kiss till I was 23 (I'm 25 now) and I met him at my first job out of college. Nothing came about with the guy we just ended up being friends. I've never had a relationship or b/f either and felt weird being a virgin at 23 so I ended up hooking up with someone through a dating site but he was just looking for one thing and I guess I just did it for the sake of it. Never feel like I did and put yourself in possible dangerous situations. I didn't even know this guy. I definitely learned a lot from the experience and although I am still single and get lonely, I refuse to let it get me down. Best of luck and you'll find someone don't worry :)
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I feel your pain..when i was even younger my friends were having gf and i felt like an idiot. I still feel like one. Im sure you'll find your true love soon enough.I just accepted it like it is but hey, don't do the same. Every1 has something special in him/her;)
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uchihalover
Trust me you are totally normal. I was 14 when I had my first kiss and I wasn't ready for a relationship at all. We ended up doing way too much way too fast and eventhough we didn't have sex it was just so stressful to deal with. I'm in no hurry to get another boyfriend anytime soon. Just enjoy the single life with friends and family and you'll find the man who will think you're beautiful and love you for who you are. Don't worry about it too much and it will happen :)
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I used to feel the same way.
My first bf broke my heart and before him guys never had an interest in me... and after he left me, nobody took an interest in me at all. No male attention in any way.... for a long time i felt like i was the ugliest person on this earth.. but then my second bf came along when i was 15. He always made me feel beautiful.. we have been together 5 years and i've never had a 3rd bf. I know its a bit unusual but i dont care :)
so dont worry, you will find someone who will make you feel special. and if you get tired of waiting, go pick up a few guys from bars or something... get into the dating scene. alot of my friends do this when they feel insignificant.
good luck and take care
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Sounds like you just waited too long to go out with guy. You need to be quicker in getting contact. Dont leave them hanging on too long otherwise they'll think you are not interested.
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lol, well i think you missunderstood...
its not that i waited, because i didnt. boys payed no heed to me. My first bf asked me out, and i said yes. there was no waiting lol.
my second bf and i actually met sorta by accident... it started out as a friendship, but quickly developed into something much deeper. He and i became an item. we have been together now for 5 years.
:)
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Perhaps u r gay? Do u not like men? Lesbo maybe?
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