Are You Normal?

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No Desire For Anything
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So, for my whole life up until the end of high school I was obsessed with pleasing people. Everything I did was to make somebody proud of me, weather it being my parents, friends, teachers, strangers. I remember once when I was like 16, I saw this guy get hit by a car when he was on his bike. I jumped out of my car and helped him. I didnt do it just to help him though, the whole time I was thinking "All these people watching are gonna think im awsome".

So after graduating high school my life philosophy totally changed. Today I dont want to do anything, I have no desire for money, dont care about posessions, dont care about work or school, dont care if im around people or alone. I really wish I wasnt this way, but I just cant get myself motivated to do anything.

I really think ive been this way my whole life, just when I was younger I was so obsessed with pleasing people that it appeared that I had motivation. I was just wondering if anybody else has these feelings and if im normal. I just turned 21 by the way.
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Comments (37)
The person is asking if anyone else feels this way. I personally feel exactly the same way as you do and always have. I too have spent my life endeavors trying to please others or impress them. I cannot seem to do anything from a place of any type of true desire for self fulfillment - and definitely not consistently. I don't really want a career, I'm not motivated by money, or fame or anything. Every move I make is monitored in my mind of what others will think and how I can impress them - which becomes extremely stressful and depressing! That is probably why I just choose to do nothing now. Actually though maybe, my true personality is simply one that is highly unmotivated. There do seem to be people who simply lack desire, motivation or passion in the world. Unfortunately though, our society says this isn't normal. Apparently each of us has a powerful motivated conqueror inside - we just have to unleash that passion from deep within. I think this is bull. If you have "a passion" you are going to be passionate about it and not have to have someone prodding you! I have always found this concept of "find your passion" to be ridiculous based on its very premise. Your passion moves you from inside, you don't have to go "find it." There are millions of people just like me and they are who they are! I wish we weren't so caught up in personal fulfillment but in the cooperative effort of fostering community and family relationships. I think our society is messed up. As for me right this moment, I'm going to continue to just sit on my duff until its time to go to work.
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Damn. this has been posted on here for over a year I think and this has been the first response that actually captures exactly how I feel! The way that we are expected to act is totally unrealistic and unfulfilling for some people. Ive decided to move to Mexico, live on the beach and spend my days surviving. Ive discovered that even though I am not overly passionate about anything in particular, focusing on survival can be a great way to take my mind off of it.
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@: jtball
If you're actually gone and living on the beach in Mexico, you won't get this. If so, I am incredibly impressed, I've always wanted to do something like that.

I am in the same boat as you and buffalo birdie. I have been for a very long time. I'm only commenting on this really old thread because if there is a chance for either of you to read this, it is worth it:

I am exactly like you two. But I've learned that there is actually a "hidden passion" within all of us. It's not some cliche, lame, fluffy, bullshitty thing people say to keep hope alive. It's actually real. I haven't found my true passion, but I am very close to getting there, I can feel it. And it can be anything at all! Maybe someone is obsessed with creating a miniature of the entire world on their own land. And on this miniature world is his slot of land where he builds a miniature of his miniature world, and so on.
This example cannot make us money, it's true, but it would be an am amazing feat that would inspire others.

But unfortunately money is the ink in the social contract signed at birth in this society humanity has built for itself. I don't really like identifying with the rest of humanity anymore.... not in some depressing way, but in a liberating way. We are all being punished for the actions of everyone who has ever existed. Everything in time has lead up to this point where we are. Every war, handshake, signature, business agreement, exploitation, etc.

So the reason why you two and myself, and countless others, cannot fit in at all is because its become clear to us that this illusionary world we live in - where all of humanity is forever enslaved to money, to the debt cycle, in order to maintain the wallets of the hyper-wealthy as heavy as possible - the guys who hide behind the scenes.

...That turned into a minor rant...

Anyway - point is, there is something that sparks each of our interests, and we can all learn about, and grow that interest until we are an expert of the field. And success is knowledge. Once you are an expert in something - be it dioramas, skateboarding, tree sculpting, button sorting, creating music, studying consciousness, etc - new opportunities will always show themselves to you if you watch for them.

It's a classic case of "you only get as much out of something as the amount you put into something"
The more you put in, the more you discover, the more you are able to put in, the more you discover, them more... etc. until one day, poof. You are in the top percentile of people knowledgeable in whatever specific field/route you take.

Hope you are able to heal yourself - I consider this healing. I've tried a cabinet full of prescriptions and nothing has worked:
Remember, a huge part of the healing process is to look within. Seriously. another thing people take as a "nice saying" but is true.
We can all look outside of ourselves and see what's outside of ourselves, but there is an inside, and we should all be looking in there to see whats there. If not, how the hell can we know what sparks passion and emotion in us?

Best.
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Travel.It will open your mind and you will see things in a different light.
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You have to admit, it seems odd that you care about the way you are. Why do you suppose that is? Maybe a starting point.
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My only advice is dont want it all just want one thing and go for that. Also if you don't want any material possessions there are heaps of things out there that money can't buy maybe you should aim to get some of those and your life will have be more meaningful
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Dude I can totally relate. I have lost the desire to do anything and I'm only 24 F*cking yrs old! I am however overwhelmed with life right not. Work pulls me in several directions and I am currently taking three classes a week for a career I don't feel I will be happy in. I guess you have to do more for yourself though. travel, hang out with your friends more. Do the things you use to love that you no longer have a desire to do anymore as well. Socialize a lot more with people. I spent a year living on my own living a routine life working full time and going to school at night coming home without an ounce of energy left. Get out and go do something! You'll feel alot better although its sometimes hard to do because your so drained. Listen to uplifting music. You'll be surprised how your mood can change instantly. Also watch your diet. I have good and bad days and realize that on the days I eat pretty well and healthy I tend to feel great throughout the day. Good luck man.
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I feel the same way. I used to do things because thats what I thought I and everyone else was supposed to do. Now I just seem to sit back and wonder why do anything at all. I think it's the fact that everything turned out to be bullshit. College had the promise of being either the world's greatest party or this great intellectual awaking of minds. It's just people in a classes (most of which have nothing to do with a major) trying to get a paper that will hopefully get us more money. Money that we have no need for. Anything we could possible want will satisfy us for a small time or eventually break. Lately that small satisfaction doesn't occur anymore. I've been told it's depression. I don't feel depressed, I just feel nothing. So yes I do think it's normal. What to do about it, that's the answer I'm searching for.
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I was there for several years..I recently turned 22 and finally I am beginning to feel free from it. This is something that you will have to figure out on your own.
What worked for me won't work for you but a few things that helped me climb out of my hole were laughter, learning, travel and passion in that order.
I know how painful and frustrating it can be, but don't turn to anti-depressants or drugs and alcohol, they are a temporary fix and will only destroy you, mentally and physically.
Keep your chin up friend, it's a great big world and you still have lots of life to live. You will find your purpose, but until you do don't stress about it. Find some things laugh and learn about, maybe the rest will follow. Good luck traveler!
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This is called 'the human condition':

Your life isn't for anything. You have no destiny. There's no fate, no purpose, no meaning, to anything - and there never was. You simply exist because your parents had sex. At least, that's how we begin.

You can choose to make your own purpose in life; no-one will, or can, do it for you. Or you could choose not to. Either way, you WILL die. But if you choose option#2 it'd be like you were never there at all. Do you want that? It's really up to you.
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The first thing you need to ask yourself is why you are currently the way you are. There is probably one or two important events in the past that made you like the way you are now. Most people in the early 20s go through what you're going through; don't know what to do with the rest of your life kind of thing, but yours sounds a little more extreme. Are you subconciously feeling ashamed that once upon a time you live only to please other people and all of a sudden, you're not doing that anymore and then you suddenly don't know what you want in life.

You're probably just very frustrated about something. Give it a bit of time and see what happens. Consider this a journey of self-discovery. You're probably changing from the I-need-to-please-people mode to I-need-to-start-thinking-for-myself mode.

But be warned, it's ok to have no money and women, but if you have no direction in life, we have a serious problem. Think about it, mate. Take your time, but not too much.
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So, you've realized that you've been a tool throughout your early years. Good. This is a good first step. Now what you need to do is come to the following realization "Fuck everyone else." These three simple words should help you understand where you are and where you'd like to go. Don't feel like doing jack shit still? Good; don't. It really doesn't matter. No ones forcing you to, its all of your own free will. So, you might be wondering what now? Do whatever the fuck you want; you're free. Like sex? Go try to fuck every woman you find attractive. Like drugs? Do some. Like material possesions but don't feel like working too hard? Figure out how to maximize your income while really not doing anything. It can be done. Just think of something that you find entertaining, fun, or hillarious and just fucking do it. It really doesn't matter. Just try your best to avoid being thrown in a cage, that's pretty much the only guideline to keep in mind.
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I'm 20 and I know exactly what the OP is talking about, that's exactly how I feel. Reddawn you just rocked my world I feel like a free man. Truly inspiring! I'm always limiting myself by everyone else. F that. Thanks for this post, I feel a new lease on life
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What reddawn is suggesting is a dire philosophy called hedonism, and it is indisputably the worst possible advice that could have been given.

Of course it sounds agreeable at first because it basically gives you carte blanche to feed your flesh. The problem with a hedonistic approach is that the flesh is never satisfied, and your feeding requirements will rapidly increase in both intensity and frequency. It is a systematic degeneration of moral character. You will become less than a dog.

That's why he told you not to get tossed in a cage, because dead or in prison are the only 2 outcomes.

Let's look at some hedonists.

Nero was a hedonist. He liked to play Christianos ad leones, or "Christians to the lions" which was a form of punishment known as Damnatio ad bestias, or Damned to the beasts. In short, they would throw the worst criminals, and Christians, to be eaten by lions.

But that wasn't enough for Nero, who would dress up in a lion skin and have slaves brought in to the palace, which he would then run down, rape, and then kill, maybe play in their blood a bit, drink a little, etc.

The BDSM freaks who like to crap on each other's faces and beat each other into a strange state of pleasure are also hedonists.

They didn't start out that way. It's not like they kissed a girl for the first time and was like, amazing! Now crap in my mouth please! No, it went from kiss, to grope, to sex, to different positions, to roleplay, to roleplay rape, to humiliation, and so on.

In every case hedonism leads to severe spiritual unrest and total destruction.

The correct advice would be exactly the opposite of what this guy suggested. Denial of self.
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I know this is old and I don't care because I so strongly disagree. You take one extreme, slander all over it, and suggest another extreme. If you deny yourself, you go insane. I can say this from experience. Denial is avoidance. It is a coping mechanism. Living through coping mechanisms means living through false truths - illusion. Living in illusion means not living in reality. Just because you deny something, doesn't mean the denial is truth.

There is no room for denial in a healthy soul. You need acceptance. There is no right without wrong, no black without white, you need both extremes to exist for either of them to exist.

Look for balance, acceptance, and compassion.

Hope this message gets to you.
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A cretinous response. This person shouldn't be driving themselves towards failure, but seeking immediate help with and adult or a professinal. As I just told someone else, blog forums wont help. It will just compile selective, pointless, cretin-infested advice from silly people such as yourselves.
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I got familiar story..It s help me a lot one verse from Bible in Old Testimony EKL all chapters.Actually you can find a lot wisdom in Bible..
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youwishyouwasme
For me... no desire for anything would be frickin' awesome.
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It's stupid to want to take on other people's problems without getting paid for it, isn't that why they have jobs these days?!? If your helping people you are stealing from the service industry and job creation, you are prob not going to reply either :( so your a snatchette!
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Why pay for a professional when you can get the same advice from people with no qualifications. It just seems more economical to me.
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Get shit faced
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jamujam
try reading the bible for insights. It shows you how to be good naturally without "pleasing anyone"
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Lack of self-esteem ...
Lack of self confidence?
Lack of emotions..

I think this could be a sign of depression? Possibly....
See someone; a counsellor..if it's not then...
Maybe your just an average joe who can get by in life without the need for anything but the air you breath.
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Well, now you know why suicide, drugs, and serial murder become an option for some people. Don't forget pedophilia, compulsive masturbation, and other exciting things. You'd be a great hitman.
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As a step-parent to a young adult that seems to have no motivation or self-esteem...help me out here. We all work, purchase homes, cars, travel. How can a young man (22) never drive, never date, no job, no college? How long can he be happy sitting at home like a hermit, playing video games while he's provided for?
Depression runs in his family, and I'm assuming that plays in to this. What do we do? How can he expect us to continue taking care of him?
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@frustrated61

"How can he expect us to continue taking care of him?"


So far that is what you HAVE been doing so should he expect anything different from you and your wife or husband?

I'm not trying to be flippant. Rather I am being sincere and short with words pending a response.
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People can't live without other people.
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I recently saw a movie wherein it reiterated the importance of books as a source of comfort - from the knowledge they provide about how we aren't alone. I think the same can be said about the internet.
As far as anything practical to say I offer these; 'depressive reality' as a frame of mind was a pretty supportive thing to read about. Also, I would say that medication (as the industrial type goes, is, as a different commenter wrote, not a long-term solution. For me personally, it's hard to beat a good hike, and exercise in general seems to be the ultimate panacea. I'm 44 years old, and still that video-game loving, unmotivated hermit - the walls of society do catch up eventually, and really, it is about compromise. As it has also been mentioned elsewhere, people in their twenties are at the cliche age of being susceptible to idealism, something that I'm finally being convinced (due in large part to a Carl Jung quotation page) is a perspective/trait that lends itself to addiction.
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Hi,
I am slightly older than you guys...Am 32... But surprisingly, my story is similar... Well educated from top institutes... have been switching jobs for almost 8-9 years. I tend to excel initially in any new assignment and then suddenly i lose interest... to such an extent that i do not even desire to look at the work... 6 job switches in 6 different industries in 6 years...Even tried doing my own business twice , but same results.. Thanks to education, this was possible..but I am increasingly seeing that i do not enjoy doing anything... well almost...I do enjoy traveling and sight seeing.. and writing reviews of travel experiences... and a little bit of social service..but that's about all...and I'm looking out for some guidance on how to carry on in life with such non-focused and fickle approach...Is there a way that my desire to be free .. to not do anything except traveling , relaxing and writing... be satisfied , while the family obligations (future security, good lifestyle, education for kid/s etc) may also be adequately met... Any suggestions?
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@: sum2012
I keenly relate to the original post & this one that i am replying under.
I am 29 and happily married mother of 5. I'm not sad. I don't not want my kids. I just would rather have a nanny & travel & do nothing.
I used to be a major people pleaser too & find that without people pleasing as a motivator I find daily tasks exceptionally hard to accomplish.
My "I don't want to" is huge! My body physically feels weak. I'm not at all sad. I enjoy being with my husband. I like my kids. But I have so little drive.

I want to want to, but I can't overcome the dont want to more than enough to get the mandatory stuff done.

If anyone figured out a shift in the want to I want to know about it!

I used to be a social person & I still like some social interaction but I'm grossly selfish. I want it on my terms & don't want to be inconvenienced & am awfully annoyed by people consumed with people pleasing.
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Being from Brazil, my life has been a tough one. As a consequence, I have lost the desire to live. We live in a world of lies and I have lost faith in people. I have a university degree and in many ways, I feel I am successful. Nonetheless, there is nothing in the world that means anything to me, except my dogs and my music. I play four different musical instruments. To get me going, I get up every morning at 4 am to practice before I go to work. Very often I wonder of how to end my life, but when it comes to that, I think I am a coward. My goal is to take care of my dogs and then when they are gone, I will do something about my life. I have known many psychologists in my profession and have felt like their profession don't have what it takes to help people like myself and my others. For those of you, who, like myself, have this void inside and no desire to live, the best psychology is to find something that keep your mind busy. If you like animals, they can be your best psychologist. Their love and appreciation for what you do for them, can change the way you see things. Gosh, who am I to give any advice!
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The limbo of not being yourself and being acting as the culture dictates, is painful. What it help me was not to believe any thought that my mind comes up with. none no matter how interested that thought might seem.
good or bad none have value.
only thoughts of immediate action, like make coffee, take a bath, etc. that would carry the present to your body, we are the present, the missing of this ingredient is the void.
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Can you say Future Professional Welfare Recipient and drain on society?
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Im about the same age as you and your discription of your situation is very close my situation. I dont think we are normal
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smoke more weed, its a sighn...
the end is near so think real clear..
the parinoid is just another stepping stone..
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You have nothing to lose! Do whatever you want! Life has no meaning and nothing is worth it which means you can do things normal people cannot!
Think less and be more impulsive.
PS:I feel the exact same way.
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I can completely relate to all that's been described here. My best advice is to go see a psychologist/do counseling; should that not work out, then see a psychiatrist and get on anti-depressants. Your doc will refer you to a good specialist.
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