Are You Normal?
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One Night Stand...
On Halloween I went to a bar with the resolve to go home with someone. I am a well-educated and fairly sexually self-confident woman. I'm twenty-three. I haven't had sex in a year and a half because the last two sexual encounters were empty and unfulfilling and I wanted to take some time to reevaluate my needs. Well, I was feeling feisty and so I went out and spotted an attractive guy and fortunately, we had good chemistry. We talked, and it wasn't like our conversation was deep or fabulous but I felt like we had a great deal in common and I would have enjoyed getting to know him more. Unfortunately, we both drank a bit more before heading back to his place. As a result, I made a few insecure comments "WHY do you want the lights off?" and he was a bit sloppy. All in all, it wasn't the greatest sexual encounter, not terrible, but it left me desiring better communication with my partners. Anyway, I failed to tell him my full name, so it's doubtful we'll ever meet again...but, despite the awkwardness, I feel like there's a reason we had chemistry and I regret not asking to stay in touch. Is it normal to desire more from someone attractive than a one-night stand? I'd like to hear from guys as well. I was afraid that he would be put-off if I asked him for anything more than sex, but now that I'm back to my normal self, I feel like sex is a much bigger commitment than asking to stay in touch with someone on occasion via email. What's the general attitude about people you meet in bars and long-term communication?
Do you think it's normal?
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Love is hard. Finding someone to love is harder. Loving yourself is the hardest. You needed intimacy - if you're sexually active and in need, then over a year without sex can feel like an eternity! But it's not what you need if it's going to make you feel confused afterwards. Although it may pain you, instead of going for a quick, easy relationship, keep him waiting, form a bond first. You'll never know if that guy was the right one for you because you had sex too early with him and you obviously still wanted to keep in touch with him. You set out for to hook a guy and you got what you asked for. But let's face it, it's not what you wanted.
Sex is the result of intimacy and feeling close to someone. That feeling is all that is needed to feel complete - not the sex. Selling yourself short by only thinking your good enough for a one night stand is making you miss what you're really in need of - love. Someone that's willing to exchange emails and wait for sex and be a lover not a one night stand is not someone you will meet in a bar, and especially not when you actively seek a brief encounter out. Be brave and take a chance.