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Only thing boyfriend wants to do is make out, and always has erection?
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. I am in my mid-20s and he is about 10 years older. This is my first longterm relationship so I'm not sure what's normal.

When we are together all he wants to do is make out. He gets an erection very easily, even if I just kiss him. I know I should take this as a compliment but it just gets annoying because sometimes I'd rather do an activity with him (talk, take a walk, whatever) than sit around the house and make out.

Also we agreed to not have sex until marriage but he keeps making comments about it. We sleep in the same bed, and starting around 5:00 PM he starts talking about how much he wants to take me to bed, etc. Then I can't enjoy the rest of the evening because I know he'd rather be making out with me in bed rather than doing anything else.

Once we are in bed I feel like making out is a chore because that's all we do. Sometimes I'd just rather go to sleep. Then when we wake up in the morning it starts all over again. I'm a person who likes to get out of bed right away but he wants to make out for at least an hour before we get up.

Is he normal? Am I normal? What should I do about this?
Is It Normal?
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Comments (26)
In no way are you teasing him if you have already talked about not having sex before marriage. You should talk to him and tell him that how important it is for you to wait until marriage. As for the erections, take it as a compliment! He's obviously a very sexual person and this is happening because he's not getting any :)
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Make out..then sex after marrige
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lol some of you guys need to calm down. Erections are insanely normal...even for someone who is very sexually active. They're only making out and it seems like many of you are reading way to far into this.
On that note, what kind of mid-30s guy wants to kiss that much? It is kind of weird. I get that he can't wait to have sex with you but, in my opinion, kissing is no substitute for sex.
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What's wrong with you people! (I'm not directing that comment to the sane people here). Erections are as natural as breathing and can be just as involuntary. Simply having one is not an excuse to use it nor a reliable indication of wanting too. Men get erections in our sleep. Should we quit sleeping? We get erections wake up. Neither should we sleep nor wake? We get erections when we want them, when we _don't_want them, and sometime we don't get them when we _do_ want them. Yes, it can be a compliment, enjoy these moments. But it can also be no more of a compliment than a sneeze.
There's nothing wrong with commenting to wait and still desiring a sexual relationship. A commitment is not a magical anti-desire spell. Nothing wrong with talking about it either unless talking increases temptation. I'm guessing (could be wrong) he's distracted by his drive and would rather, because of is commitment, talk about it than act on it. Is he generous to you when you makeout? He may be trying to please you in order to pacify his desires rather than seeking his own pleasure. Many men do get immense satisfaction in pleasing a women. Congratulations, you seem to have one. I often hear women complaining that men don't walk to express themselves or say whats on really their mind. Well congratulations, you've got one that does. Would you rather find out he has an overdriven libido _after_ you are married? I don't think he does. Does he touch your body or unduly pressure you to let him touch your body in ways that you've asked him not to? If he is disrespectful, then ok, you should worry about his drive (since he's got a self-control issue). But, if he can make out with you while still honoring your requests then you've potentially got a very generous lover in your future.
Talk with him, asking about his desires and find out what's going on exactly. It could be that sleeping in the same bed and spending too much time being physical in general is too temping. Personally, I'd say you two _are_ too close to the edge. Living together can be very problematic. Romantic couples sleeping in the same bed and maintaining abstinence is *very* unusual. I'm not ruling out the possibility, just saying I'm skeptical. Talk; you might find his discussion the perfect opportunity to express your expectations about sex in your marriage. For example, "I expect at least 8 hours of foreplay occasionally, staring with doing the dishes cuz when I would desire even more if you did the dishes."
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The man is clearly a Barlow Boy. Next time he asks to make out, just push him away and say no until he actually tries to do anything more.

The only reason I can think of for someone of that age to wait until marriage is that they'll trap you into the marriage. Do you want to spend the rest of your life having sex - good or bad - with a guy who has clearly got several hang-ups?

Talk to him more about his feelings
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If you have already agreed about the matter, I don't think you are teasing him at all.

You don't sound very happy together, the only real way you are going to solve this though is to talk to him about it. Find out what he feels about your relationship, if he's happy and if neither of you are happy with your current situation, maybe it's time to move on.

Just my opinion.
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It's possible you and he may have entirely different levels of sex drive. This is something NOT to ignore. Another possibility is that sometimes a partner is turned off by sex if they feel something is not quite right -- or they resent something about their partner or are concerned about something. Is he unemployed? Drink too much? Flirt with others? The guy is genuinely attracted to you. Have a talk with him away from the bedroom. It sounds like you need more interest from him about YOU besides sex. Or maybe he doesn't turn your key sexually.
This shouldn't be so much work.
Keep him informed about your thoughts and feelings. And maybe try cuddling, and have a couple days during the week YOU control the sensual activity. You may think some of your emotions and reactions are really obvious but really, they may not be to your guy. Many of us guys remain clueless and then are totally devastated if the woman gets exasperated and leaves. Talk to him again and again. I think we're too horny to hear and think at the same time.
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Deepthought33 > what kind of mid-30s guy wants to kiss that much?
Me! I've madeout for 5 hours and would gladly try for 168 if I could find a willing partner. Kissing, caressing, massaging, cuddling, talking may not be a substitute for sex but making a woman happy is very satisfying for me.

Budthewise > I hate to say it but "spraying, its what I call it" is very necessary to a mans function
B&!!$#!*. In any case, we can 'spray' alone or let it happen naturally in our sleep if that were the case.

Budthewise > and if he is getting hard all of the time, he is trying to tell you something.
B&!!$#!*. Often, hardons just happen without having a message for anyone.

Budthewise > Also, he is doing this because it is at least satisfying his brain if not his body.
Now that _is_ a very good possibility.

Budthewise > If he is hard all of the time for lack of sex and you two are waiting for marrage, then why not get married now?
You have a very good point
Budthewise > You can see he is suffering so please help out your dog at home by feeding him the steak or let him at least know the steak is coming.
But then you had to be an @$$hole about it.

taos > Okay making out in the morning. Morning breath!!!
That's a good point. It strongly suggests true love if a man enjoys morning breath.

JackKass > Remember every time you tell him NO is like constantly kicking his self esteem.
No, if he's sincerely made a commitment then every time she says know is saying to him "I love you and know that you love me". I don't know how to explain it but maybe this will show it:
My finance told me a certain way I touched her was to stimulating and not to do it again (we were also committed to no sex before marriage). I never did after that. She would often tell me again before we made out. I would come close to doing it, teasing, and she'd whisper playfully "you won't", "don't do it", "behave" or some simular quib, while I would say playfully "trust me", "I won't", "yes ma'am", or some simular quib. Either of us might say something first. We talked many times, when not making out, about how this interaction each made us desire each other because it was an exercise and trust of our moral commitment to each other.
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Okay making out in the morning. Morning breath!!!
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Incompatible sex drives can cause real problems. Clearly your guy is very turned on by you -- but you seem to be less than interested in him. Maybe you're looking for more academic or emotional connection with this guy before you "pony up the goods". I have a feeling this guy would do anything for you but he's too horny to get those feelings across. Maybe he needs to be more romantic and less obvious. It wouldn't hurt if you were more passionate as well. Until you both compromise a little, you're only going to get more bitter and resent his moves and he's going to start thinking of moving on to a more attainable woman. Remember every time you tell him NO is like constantly kicking his self esteem. Who needs that kind of rejection day after day?
At any rate you need to both list the things you need from each other and see if you can come together somehow.
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okay. so, you have no say in the matter of whether or not you make out?

Also, if you don't want to make out for hours in bed, don't sleep in the same bed. If you really wanted to be abstinent or whatever, you wouldn't. It's kind of no brainer.

And your boyfriend sounds like a weirdass. tell him to go jerk off or something if he's so fucking horny. Go help him jerk off. That's not having sex, it's just a nice thing to do.

If this is all because of religious crap, then you need to realize you're letting God fuck up your lives. If he's getting hard that easily because he doesn't jerk because it's "wrong", he needs to re-evaluate his understanding of his religion. The only reason the bible mentions masturbation is because back then, in whatever culture, they believed that the sperm held a child's consciousness, so every time they came without impregnating someone, they were just killing children.

in summation:
-you do have the option to say you don't want to make out. Duh.
-you also have the option to just fuck already.
-or the option to dump him if he's a weirdo.
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Normal has nothing to do with it, my poor naive girl. I commend you on your virtue, but my heart aches for what will probably become of you because of it. I have know so many American women who have sworn themselves to celibacy before marriage only to suffer terribly because of it later in their marriage. You will think it insensitive of me to suggest that you betray your morals but my suggestion is too late if you are committed to this man.
Now you will think wicked indeed, because I would counsel you to betray your morals with more than one man before you commit yourself to another. I am 33yrs old and work as a marriage counselor in Georgia and I cannot tell you how many women who also saved themselves for a husband to be, come seeking my help later in marriage. If I told you why, you would not think it applies to you and perhaps you are right.
I suppose the very best I can do for you at this point is to wish you the very best of luck, and pray you keep others of my profession in mind should problems arise.
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Oh and i have to say I agree with the marriage counselor. I have only been with one man my whole life and I regret it in a way that I can do absolutely nothing about because I do love my husband and I would never even consider leaving him or cheating on him. I just feel like I have missed a huge part of my life because I have only been with one man and believe me its not a great feeling.
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Break up with that guy!!!! He's a man whore!!!! :p
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This is a big mismatch. He has a higher sex drive than you do. What I find odd is that you are living with him and sleeping in a bed with him. If you are saving yourself for marriage, then do that. Don't move in with a guy you aren't married to, or spend the night. Date other people and find a guy your age who has a sex drive more like yours. Marrying the current guy would cause unhappiness for both of you.
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You are just mean. It is like putting a nice cooked steak in front of a dog and then hit him when he comes close to eat it. You are teasing him and that is just wrong.
You two sleep in the same bed so odviously you live together at least part of the time. You have been together long enough for your relationship to go further. He is getting hard non stop because YOU HAVEN'T done anything.

I hate to say it but "spraying, its what I call it" is very necessary to a mans function and if he is getting hard all of the time, he is trying to tell you something. Also, he is doing this because it is at least satisfying his brain if not his body.

Why do women come up with this crap, crap like saving themselves for marrage? You both DECIDED to not have sex before marrage, dod you both come up with this or is it YOUR decision and he is just going along with it because he loves you, honestly?

If he is hard all of the time for lack of sex and you two are waiting for marrage, then why not get married now? You can see he is suffering so please help out your dog at home by feeding him the steak or let him at least know the steak is coming.

He hasn't cheated yet, judging by his actions. HOwever, I am a faithful guy and I would probably be looking for other options at this point than you if I wasn't getting anything that I needed. I bet the "things" you talk about doing are all things YOU want to do and he doesn't. Stop being stupid and...

SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT. Seriously, either sleep with him or get married. If you don't, do not feel the least bit bad when he leaves you.
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wow. why would you put such a large effort into making someone feel bad about there decision. atleast she has morals, lifes not all about sex maybe your so obsessed with the idea because you lost your virginity at 10 and now your all used up and you cant even look at your self in the mirror. at least some people still want to keep a good relationship without sex. its fine to stop your "urges" women have to stop themselves from their own urges, why shouldnt guys do the same thing? esspecially if it involves someone elses body. its only fucking fair. so why dont you go suck a dick and call it a day. as for this girl! i hope you continue to set a great example. and dont let anyone tell you that your wrong. cause you are more then right.
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Did I just stumble into the 1950s? Your claims that "women have to stop themselves from their own urges" and that once you've lost your virginity you're "all used up" are ridiculously sexist.

If a woman wants to have sex outside of marriage or a relationship then that is her business, if a man shouldn't be judged for it than neither should she.
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oh ho told!!
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Totally agree, and I'm a woman lol. Being horny can make it very hard for your brain to function so it's no wonder he can't think of anything else. If you love him and think he's the one then what are you waiting for just marry him already.
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wat a jerk. gfs r for mor than erections ur fucking jerkface
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Give up the booty and quit being a prude.
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You're an asshole. It's not 1950 so just have sex. If you did I bet this would stop. Also feel lucky that he likes kissing. Most men don't. My man could care less but I love it because its so intimate. I think you are too young for him and you need to grow up too.
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First of all, its your fault!!! If you wanted to wait till marriage you should have not lived with him already and sleeping in the same bed!! Do you really love him?? Then marry him already!!! What the hell your wating for?? This is why they say its better to wait till your married for these things, but your making it worse sleeping with him..He is going to torture you for the rest of your life, man are all about Sex and then later love, sleeping with him is stupid and not even married makes it worse..Get married already!! Go to a court, if you dont want to marry him, then why are you with him in the first place?? To make him suffer?? Why did you get hoked up with him? You felt lonely?? No, sleeping with a person that not even is your husband yet is stupid and dangerous..You should separate from him then and live somewhere else, if you dont wnat to marry yet!! its your fault, are you a smart women or a stupid slut??
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Wow, I feel so bad for your boyfriend. Just FUCK the guy already, will ya?
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What a tease!! Give it up already, if not sex then at least give him a BJ. I am a woman and you are just being really ridiculous. Believe me virginity is completely overrated.
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