Are You Normal?
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Paranoid or justified in this situation?
Hello people,
first time poster here.
Well let me start out by saying ive been married a few years now and got married young as did my wife, when we were both about 18-19 years old.
Our relationship has been great.
Until recently there was no doubt in my mind that my wife was unconditionally faithful to me, she jsut didnt seem like the type of person to cheat,however, That being said, we both lately dont see too much of each other due to me attending college and her working 45-60 hour weeks in the retail business.
When we do see each other we tend to have a good time, and the relationship is great, but some things have stuck me as odd. Lately she has been trying new things in bed with me that im curious as to how the hell she learned such things out of nowhere.
Also she frequently (1-2 times) each week must go out of town throughout the state on business trips with her boss to handle customers needs as part of the business ( keeping confidential sorry) The thing that is weird is that lately she has been telling me that they sometimes stop to eat at such places like olive garden, and other family/date type retuarants, these trips last only about 10-12 hours when they have them.
i feel this is a bit weird seeing as how i was alweays brought up that a boss is never to take someone out even if it is during a business trip. I told her that i felt it was kind of weird, and her comment was " well we were starving and in a rush for time and it was the first place we saw"...this was also weird to me, because we all know that fast food places are everywhere, and would take no time at all compared to sitting down for a full meal at a restuarant
im really confused right now, i dont know if im just being an a**hole husband with jealousy issues which ive really havnt had since i was 17-18 years old, can some one please tell me if im justified or just paranoid?
thanks
first time poster here.
Well let me start out by saying ive been married a few years now and got married young as did my wife, when we were both about 18-19 years old.
Our relationship has been great.
Until recently there was no doubt in my mind that my wife was unconditionally faithful to me, she jsut didnt seem like the type of person to cheat,however, That being said, we both lately dont see too much of each other due to me attending college and her working 45-60 hour weeks in the retail business.
When we do see each other we tend to have a good time, and the relationship is great, but some things have stuck me as odd. Lately she has been trying new things in bed with me that im curious as to how the hell she learned such things out of nowhere.
Also she frequently (1-2 times) each week must go out of town throughout the state on business trips with her boss to handle customers needs as part of the business ( keeping confidential sorry) The thing that is weird is that lately she has been telling me that they sometimes stop to eat at such places like olive garden, and other family/date type retuarants, these trips last only about 10-12 hours when they have them.
i feel this is a bit weird seeing as how i was alweays brought up that a boss is never to take someone out even if it is during a business trip. I told her that i felt it was kind of weird, and her comment was " well we were starving and in a rush for time and it was the first place we saw"...this was also weird to me, because we all know that fast food places are everywhere, and would take no time at all compared to sitting down for a full meal at a restuarant
im really confused right now, i dont know if im just being an a**hole husband with jealousy issues which ive really havnt had since i was 17-18 years old, can some one please tell me if im justified or just paranoid?
thanks
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maybe you should pay a friend to follow her when she goes on these trips with her boss,just to see how friendly she is with him.
or perhaps she's not going on a business trip at all with her boss maybe she's going to a motel with her lover,I think you should pay a friend to follow her.
all i know is that if i had a female employee, there was no way in hell i would go out to a place to eat with her if i was married, it just doesnt seem right, no matter how nice of a gesture it seems
man this is so weird, i swear to god if my suspicions are correct, then i may be on the news lol
thanks alot folks
However it may all be in your head, so do not jump the gun on accusations.
It truly puzzles me why people have affairs when if they have outgrown their marriage or it becomes taken for granted, then why don't people just come out and be honest about it despite the pain they will cause through a separation. It is far better that way then to carry on lying and cheating and does far less damage in the longer run. I am sure that your wife has very honorable intentions towards you and she does sound someone who is still in love with you, but possibly getting over familiar and friendly with her boss?.
The sudden adventerous sex in bed does strongly indicate that something has brought this new woman you love to do what she is and it does sound unhealthy the way she talks obsessively about her boss and attempts at making you jealous by the way she brags about him. I am inclined to believe that something is happening there but only because of the way she spends excessive amounts of time away from you. She puts her career first from what I can tell and maybe she is aiming to go higher in her status but at the expense of her marriage would not be a healthy thing to do.
You seem like a very doting husband and that for many women would be a real green light, but your wife, although she appreciates you, does not show it as much as she could and it seems to me that she makes up for her absence by being incredibly fantastic and nice with you. What is important here is that you are happy about this situation the way it is, but if you are not, then you do need to talk to her openly and honestly and let her know how you do feel.
I would also be suspicious and because she seems far too separated from her marriage to you for you to have sufficient trust in her and particularly so if you are already beginning to question her motives. Space and time apart is good and very normal and healthy, but too much of it creates a distance on an emotional level and why some relationships fail due to career orientated partners. Clearly your wife is still there for you and she does appear happy, but I can't help speculating why when she is having a good time at both ends of the spectrum. Her life is ideal - a faithful and reliable husband and a fun exciting career with a flirtatious boss who appears to wine and dine her. Not many husbands would be happy about this!.
It is normal in some careers for a boss to take a colleague out but the kinds professions tend to be lawyers, doctors, solicitors and all high ranking business types. In places like shops and more lower end of the spectrum jobs, it isn't heard of normally. But I am inclined to agree that it just seems too extravagant and their meetings far too often and questionable. I guess asking her some questions isn't going to sit comfortable with her but if she is any wife at all and a loving one, then it will matter 100% to her how you do feel and she won't be angry or upset with you if you explain that you aren't comfortable with the set up but don't accuse her of an affair - only that she is spending far too much time with this boss.
Maybe tell her next time she mentions him, "any one would think that you were married to this man the way he wines and dines you" - she won't like it, but you need to make her feel a little uncomfortable if you are going to get some kind of answers to resolve this situation with her. I don't think you should just leave things as they are personally and I would definitely begin talking to her because it is normal and healthy to discuss feelings from time to time and if your relationship is as healthy as you make it sound, then being open with each other is important too.
This feels like three is a crowd to me and it does bother you as it should unless you are a doormat?. She needs to know and see that although you are an emotionally strong man, you also have your own vulnerabilities as we all do and you need reassuring sometimes too. Take the bull by the horns and be open with her and explain to her how you do feel and honestly. If she is a loving wife who cares about you, then she will listen no two ways about it and take your feelings and concerns seriously. She is lucky to have you and so she needs to also show that to you and by not frolicking around with her boss who she is allowing him to get this friendly too.
Please talk to her and no, I don't think that this is normal behavior if she is acting out of character and doing what she is. It does sound like she is having an affair from what I have so far read, but you have to tread carefully with her on this but do let her know that you aren't happy about it.
P.S., to the poster; follow amazingly's advice. Allof it.
also hire someone to follow her....
Going to Olive Garden and stopping off to eat at the first place you see along the highway are two entirely different things.
Kind of the difference between say, Ramada Inn and Motel 6.
I am sorry to say but IMO something underhanded is going on. Having to go 1-2 A WEEK all over the state?
Sorry, something seems WAY off here.
Me, I would ask her for receipts.
Sit her down and talk with her, but don't be surprised to get your feelings hurt.
Tobra