Parenthood and babies.

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Ok, this is something that has been troubling me for a while, but a have this whole issue with pregnancy, parents and new born babies.

I write this with a little unease because the feelings I have are pretty strong and I have never really expressed them to anyone, I really dont want to feel this way but I cant help it.

My beef is with the way people get around childbirth and babies. The whole thing doesnt just piss me off it actually repulses me, the thought of a woman carrying a child, giving birth or breast feeding literally turns my stomach, there just seems something so base and animalistic about it all that I cant help but feel repulsed.

More over I get queezy over the way people are around babies, people cooing over baby photos, doey eyed words of motherly wisdom passed from an older generation to a soon to be parent, people swooning at the miracle of parenthood, proud fathers, protective mothers, it all just makes me feel physically sick. Not only that but I find myself getting irrate, its like Im frustrated at people for being so weak minded they cant rise up above their base hormonal instincts.

Seriously, if you really want to piss me off just mention "motherly love", "nesting instinct" or e-mail me a few photos or your kids.

A woman i work with brought her baby into work the other day, I felt sick to stomach but smiled through it, and yes there was part of me that was happy for her because she was so ecstatic that she had managed to push a child out of her private parts (you know, each to their own, i might not like what she did but why cant i feel happy for her?).

She cornered me and got me to hold her baby, it revolted me, it looked alien, its bald head, clammy smell, dribbling gash for a mouth there all wrinkled and pathetic reaching out its maggot like fingers with spastic like movements, I smiled through it and feigned enthusiasm and quickly handed it back to her.
She then went on, and on, and on about how wonderful it was to be a mother. I felt a rage building up inside me, how could she be so stupid? she hadnt achieved anything; this was just nature doing what it always does, she was no better than a sow sh*tting out a litter of piglets or a fungal spore germinating and growing into an outbreak of athletes foot, how could she be so weak as to give in to her basest hormones and feel so proud about it? I felt like slapping her and dashing her kids brains out on the floor in front of her just to teach her not to be such a f**king pathetic b**ch.

I could go on but I scare myself.

I really wish I didnt feel like this, sometimes I feel like such a horrible human being, like theres something dead or missing inside of me. Am I a bad person? Is this normal?