I habitually fouled my neighbours driveway. There has been animosity between our family and the one next door virtually from the outset. The petty bickering continued to and fro for years.
As the middle child I took it upon myself to wreak some retribution on our neighbours and I chose shit as my weapon. About once a quarter I would sneak over the hedge separating the properties and take a dump in their driveway, under cover of darkness.
I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in it's usual porcelin surroundings. In the next day or so, the family would emerge from their house, wrinkle their noses and spy the big pile of shit. John (the man of the house) usually took it upon himself to cover it up, as you would a corpse, presumably to stop it scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo.
Me and dad thought it was absolutely hilarious and the topic was often mulled at family meal time conversations although I never let on that I was the culprit, despite some pointed accusations. In actual fact you guys are the first people I have ever told, a good 15 years on from the original deed (I did it for about a year).
Well, at least I didn't go round and pop a cap in his ass like you crazy yanks, we are much more civilised in the UK.
As the middle child I took it upon myself to wreak some retribution on our neighbours and I chose shit as my weapon. About once a quarter I would sneak over the hedge separating the properties and take a dump in their driveway, under cover of darkness.
I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in it's usual porcelin surroundings. In the next day or so, the family would emerge from their house, wrinkle their noses and spy the big pile of shit. John (the man of the house) usually took it upon himself to cover it up, as you would a corpse, presumably to stop it scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo.
Me and dad thought it was absolutely hilarious and the topic was often mulled at family meal time conversations although I never let on that I was the culprit, despite some pointed accusations. In actual fact you guys are the first people I have ever told, a good 15 years on from the original deed (I did it for about a year).
Well, at least I didn't go round and pop a cap in his ass like you crazy yanks, we are much more civilised in the UK.
GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but
there is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet, but there is nothing on the paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your
butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and
you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you
have to poopie some more.
POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much
to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're
afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces
with the toilet brush.
GASSEY POOPIE: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.
DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a
night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks
on the bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE: (Self-explanatory)
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE-POOPIE: The kind where you want to
poopie, but all you do is set on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd
swear it was leaving you sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOPIE: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of
your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
LIQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out
of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
MEXICAN POOPIE: It smells so badly your nose burns.
UPPER CLASS POOPIE: The kind of poopie that has no odor.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You are not at the toilet because you think you
are about to fart but...oops...a POOPIE!!!
THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even
though you know you are done poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake
or two will cut it loose.
I am literally on the toilet while reading this and I'm dying. Thank you for making my night.
A buddy of mine did that at a rival fraternity house at school. There was one problem though...not everyone was asleep in the house. A few people witnessed the act going on and chased him off their porch with his pants around his ankles...
this is the best story ever!
I just laughed for a minute here, man! lmao
congratz for the great time, keep up the good work! lol xD
I wonder if they raise their little pinkies when they push down the commode lever?
Rofled a big time...
DEY TURK ARE JERBS!!!!!
DURKA DURR!!!
WE MAY HAVE PROBLEMS, BUT WE DON'T GO STEREOTYPING ENTIRE COUNTRIES(this section intended towards poster of the comment that this one replies to)OFF OF A SINGLE COMMENT! AT LEAST HERE IN AMERICA THOSE WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT ARE STILL ABLE TO GET A JOB WITHOUT BEING TORTURED!
Let me guess, if someone in your country is fat, you go out of your way to go up to them and ask something like, "Hey, go back to America, fatass!"
Seriously, all of these fricking stereotypes...
But... America is on the top of the world and as such it will always be on the tongs of everyone in the world. Some people dislike the country some people like it, some people ignore it, some people hate it and there are even people who fanatically cherish everything American (often reminding me of people who had a blind fate in Stalin - terrifying).
So the perception of America isn't all that bad really. It's like everything else.
On the other side, Americans love stereotypes as well. I see a lot of them in Hollywood movies, in youtube flicks, on foray. Lot's of Americans have a skewed perception of people, who are Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Mexicans, Irish, French, Russian, Polish, German... But that's how the world goes, and why every adult needs to grow a thick skin. :]
In a shortened version, you go to someones house (when they're not home) crap all the floor (lol) and in the toilet and don't flush (or wipe apparently) then write on the mirror with something, "the phanton crapper strikes again" lol
Thanks for the laugh though :D
Urinate into a spray bottle. Take filled bottle and spray around the locations you wish to "perfume," such as doorknobs, doorjambs, doors, carpets, anything, really. Be sure to consume high amounts of processed foods just prior to collection and use, it will intensify the offensive odors exponentially.
Congradulations, you are the laughing stock of the internet. Not in a bad way of course, we are laughing with you :)
Anyways good on ya, and fuck your neighbors. Haha
When I was 13 or so my mother went nuts and became a homicidal maniac. To avoid the unpleasantness, Dad moved us out of the family home in a very clean upscale neighborhood into a small rental house in a more “normal” neighborhood. It was a very difficult time for all of us.
At a certain point, a black family moved in across the street from this new house, which enraged my older sister, Bella, for some reason. She yelled at our dad and demanded he “do something” about this horrendous state of affairs. But he was so involved in trying to help our mother that he told Bella she was old enough (17 at the time) to handle these problems on her own, please stop yelling, and please leave him alone.
Well, that only made Bella more angry and spiteful. She told Dad that she was going to kill him in his sleep. He told me years later that for the 12 months or so we lived in that house, he never really slept because of that.
Anyway, one of the things that Bella found the most objectionable about the black people across the street was that they parked their “piece-of-shit hoopties” in the street in front of the house. She complained about the “endless safari” of used Cadillacs festooned with giant chrome rims that greeted her every morning when she walked out the front door.
So, she took matters into her own hands. That’s right – you guessed it! She started going number two on their cars!
She would scramble up on top of the hood and usually target the windshield. God help them if they left a window cracked because Bella would go to almost ANY lengths to somehow introduce her scat into the interior of the unlucky vehicle. One time, she actually managed to get the boot of one of their vehicles to open and did her business in the trunk!
When dad drove us to school in the morning, there would be a few black people with cleaning products furiously scrubbing and cleaning whatever dastardly deed Bella had wrought the night before. As we drove by in one of dad’s Jag’s she’d lower the window just enough to yell some terrible racial slur or threaten to kill them. Then she would give them the middle finger and stick out her tongue.
Still, as far as I could tell, they had no idea that it was little Bella who had targeted them in such a vicious way. I think they thought it was our dad, who would never do such a thing. As time went by, they began parking their cars in the driveway as best they could and installed bright outdoor lighting in the hopes of catching the fiend in the act.
But Bella is very crafty, and she was able to circumvent every counter-measure the blacks took. She even drastically altered her diet to produce a more voluminous “product”.
Eventually, our mother was committed to a mental facility and we were able to move back into our big house. But even then, Bella wasn’t satisfied. Do you know that for YEARS she would periodically drive by that house and go to the bathroom on those blacks’ cars?
Once she gets something in her head it’s very difficult to get her to let go.
I know people who do that sort of thing, its plenty normal and also elevates you to a sort of demi-god status among men. But not girls, girls can never know the liberties men take with their poopoo theyll never talk to us again
I'd really like to see what would happen if said Brit addressed an adult man in, let's say, Alabama or Texas, as "Hey, you yanks..."
Alas, my stopwatch doesn't record nanoseconds, regrettably, for us to know how quickly the response would be measured...lol
Anyway, there's this one part that's called the Revolutionary War, and in it England and America go to war, and in the end, America wins, becoming an independent country. I know, it's exiting, right? Also, that war ending the way it did is the reason that in America, there's Independence day. If you're still confused, go to a library or computer and look up "July 4, 1776"
He probably wouldn't look out of place in a scat video, shitting in someones mouth, then high have his dad.
God, I hate being British.
I'll pop a cap in your ass ha
yank is used in a comedy sense, the same way as ive been called a jock for being scottish
go home
the best part is you never got caught
I don't feel that the fascination over desecrating your neighbors property is entirely sane though...
Once I also generated the largest wind breakage this side of tom yorke. Butt, that is another story.
Love,
METHOS-----> O
Hee hee hee
I almost pissed myself, that was great
Thanks for making my day(:
Me and my sister did this to a girl who bullied our younger brother, except it was in on the porch right in the entrance with a ote that said 'revenge' so we saw her mom step right in it and start screaming and flipping out. And when she saw the note she started yelling at her daughter. Me and my sister are horrible people, I know. haha
Thank you O.P., thank you so much :)
Since when, you guys kill people over soccer results.
awwwww, sir, I'm a bit offended =) Funny story
just because someone doesn't prefer Britain doesn't automatically make them a cunt.
idiot...
Next time aim for a grassy area, that way a large burrowing animal might have a better chance at stealth ninja-ing its way up your ass. After the initial shock wears off you could clench your asscheeks long enough to keep it lodged in there while you hobble back home, take photographic evidence, and tell us all about it so that we can laugh at you again, you fuckwit. :D