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Plural Marriage or Sharing my Husband
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I am 41, female, married with two kids. My husband and I started playing together a couple of years ago. We've had a steady girlfriend that we would have sex with regularly, and a few girls we've met with a couple of times for drinks out and then sex. I'm not a jealous person, but would not be happy if he ventured out on his own without me, but when we're having fun and playing together, I share him without any hangups. I'm interested in the possibility of taking this further and actively looking for a woman to share our marriage with long term. Do you think this is possible? and maintain a healthy marriage?
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Comments (24)
Me and my husband have done this, but it's not been something casual. We've actually developed relationships with any of the people we've been with, and even when they moved on to a relationship of their own, we've still remained friends with them :). You can have a healthy relationship and still make it work out n_n. Even with children, because we have a little boy who'll be three this year
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Very Very Very difficult

A woman will eventually turn into a WOMAN, no matter how open minded she seems at first. So if you let someone in to share and she seems open minded and cool, it won't last long. She will inevitably start to think, plot, and cause drama. You have to be very picky and really know who you are dealing with, background etc. Just as an idea, you might want to look at another culture. People from other cultures may be truly more accepting to this and more easily fit into the role.
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Wow! I could never share my husband. I don't think this is a common practice and I don't know if it could really work long term. Also, make sure the woman likes you better than the husband or she is going to steal you man and home in the long run.
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While this is like every mans fantacy I caution you that I agree with the first entry. In the long run you may and most likely will loose it all. My ex wife left me for another female and a bi male. In turn our two children do not want anything to do with her at all. They feel that their mother is sick. my kids are almost adults now!
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I strongly recommend seeking out a local poly group or polyamoury-friendly counsellor as soon as possible. The complications of a three-way marriage/relationship are more than double that of a monogamous one. In a normal marriage there are 3 relationships: 2 relationships with Self and 1 between two people. In a three-way marriage there are 7!! (3 Self 3 couples 1 threesome) The requirements for openness, honesty, communication, trust, and the ability to hear a mate say something that hurts without reacting defensively/negatively are amplified several times.

Things you may not have considered: Are you only interested in polygyny (>1 wife) or would you like to try general polygamy or polyandry (>1 husband)? Once you have a third partner, do you intend to close your relationship boundaries (polyfidelity) or keep them open? What if your new partner has a different view?

I recommend getting a copy of "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. It's very helpful in finding out all the different choices that you will be faced with and may have never considered before. You might also enjoy "The Ethical Slut", but my wife found it anti-monogamy and a bit angry but that may be because she is definitely monogamous by nature.

ps. You are normal. You are not evil.
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DES
Do you have kids and are they around? This one is hard because on one hand alls fare in love and war but on the other do you really want to share your toys I mean I dream about it but sif she touched my man I couldn't handle I would need to know that when we are together it's ME he's thinking about not that other girl. If you like it and having fun like watching him with other girls well go for it normal to other people is not normal it you remember everyone has an idea of what they want in a relationship
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fuck noo. this is wweird and creepy. not normal and obviously if you dont feel jealously when ur husband is with another woman your relationship isnt healtyyyy.
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your husband is a very lucky man
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If you're talking mutual love instead of just sex, that's known as polyamory, and although it wouldn't be classed as normal per say, there's nothing inherently wrong with it, and if you google it you should find plenty of people who are into the same sort of thing.
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I don't think it would be a good idea if you have kids in the house. Once they move out and are on their own, then you're more free to do what you want without negatively affecting the kids; but I still think that in the long run, it will cause more problems than it would solve. You and your husband should work at fulfilling each other's needs - be they emotional or sexual - without bringing someone else into the marriage relationship/bed.
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Sure! It will be a healthy marriage after I marry your man and make him exclusive and monogamous with me. I love those kinds of challenges.
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No. What you are doing is already unhealthy for you, your husband, and your kids.

If this is the kind of activity you like to engage in, it would have been wise never to have gotten married, especially not have kids who are highly at risk of becoming hurt by your behavior, should it ever be revealed to them somehow. And if they already know about it, then you are facing a catastrophic train wreck down the road from here.

Remember that your children will one day turn out better or worse than you, all based upon the moral foundations you taught them by.

I suggest you seek help and fix this problem before it's too late. Before the consequences bare a price too steep to pay.
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yes it is possible and understand the subjective nature of healthy as it is not a static convention but changes with understanding
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That's difficult... Only because we live in a society that sees this as wrong and requiring "therapy".

As the above poster stated, there's nothing inherently wrong with it, it's just considered culturally/morally wrong. Maybe you should take your question up with Dan Savage (writer of the Savage Love advice column). He's good with advice for things like this, and does research when need be. :)

Good luck to you!
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Ollieo
I doubt it.
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You better keep it at what it is. if it's not broke dnt fix it.
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Lucky husband. I know I once enjoyed seing my wife making love with another guy but that was a once-off and we don't let that happen any longer. It was hot while it lasted but that was that. Bett cool it while it's still peacfull.
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Yeah, go for it. Whatever works for you.
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Polygamy is illegal in most countries or states. You should move to some place that it is legal. Like Mexico.
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That is messed up seriously
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This is truly sick! Swingers end up divorced or worse. I can't imagine that kind of a life. It is depressing to think about.
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go for it dear.... u r daring, hv faith in what u wants to do.
goodluck
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u have problems
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It's "normal" in the sense of being harmless, if you're all 3 adult enough to know and respect each others' boundaries and expectations. Plural relationships aren't for everyone, of course. But you know that casual 3rd partners don't threaten your bond, so if you can find a steady 3rd playmate who enhances your bond rather than weakening it, then who cares what the Joneses think?
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