I am a 16 year old girl and ever since I've discovered the joys of masturbation (at 7 or 8, early bloomer I know) rape and bondage has turned me on. I remember early on watching TV or reading a book where someone was tied up against their will and having the urge to pleasure myself. Later on when I fully understood sex, rape seemed arousing to me. Whenever I saw or read a book or movie in which a character was forced into sex I would need to stop what I was doing and masturbate. I kind of want to be raped...by a middle-aged man. The thought of being an abused f**k toy to be left damaged by a guy is appealing to me. Oddly enough, I have never been sexually abused nor do I wish anyone to be. I realize rape is one of the most awful, violating,life-shattering things that can happen to a female...or male. My ideals at times are suprisingly feminist. I don't understand how someone can savagely without guilt steal someone's innocence or worth/dignity. But I kind of want it to happen to me. It might go along with BDSM, which I also support when both partners consent. Is there anyone who can shed light on my perversity?