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Sex is an Inherently Selfish & Overrated Act
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Alright, to be honest, I do not see whatsoever what the big deal is with the act of sexual intercourse. I'm an 18 year old male, and even though I have yet to even engage in it, I still find the act in many ways inherently selfish and rather pointless, except for its functional purpose of reproduction. Sure, it's pleasurable, yet so are a myriad of other things in life; why is intercourse so exceptional?

Oh yes, it's selfish. It is often claimed that it is the greatest gift two human beings can endow upon one another, and is a confirmation of love, but there's one major issue with that assertion: SEX BENEFITS THE SELF. All the pleasure is comes from one single moment when the orgasms occur in both of the sexes. Again, it's a very selfish desire. To me, it does nothing to confirm love.

To me, there's too much more to life.
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Comments (127)
No, keep that attitude, just go into the Priesthood. Then act like you're above it all.
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Sex with someone you have feelings for is quite possibly the most fun you'll have on this planet. But whoever said that sex is more than just having orgasms was right - sex is as much about necking as it is about f*cking...
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classicalman:

I felt very similarly to you, and am still struggling a little bit with the whole question of sex and it's irrational hold over the lives of human beings.

That being said, I have a few points for you to think about:

1. Sex is probably the most powerful drive we have. That alone is reason enough to indulge it in a healthy way (which is what I'm having difficulty finding - a way which doesn't interfere with the other, much more important, aspects of life)

2. Sex itself is really, really healthy. Gives you a workout, relieves stress and...

3. If you find sex so meaningless, consider this paradigm shift: The more you get out of sex is directly proportional to how much you attempt to please your partner. It's true value is in its inherent selfLESSness, i.e. when you're fully focused on pleasing the OTHER person, you get the most from it.

Rather than the paradigm of sex being a selfish thing where two people use each other to get off, maybe try it with the view of it being two people trying to make the other person's experience the best it can be. You might be surprised what this can do for you on many a level.
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Well, don't knock it 'til you tried it XD to me, it's a lot more than just one moment of pleasure. There's the lead up, the actual pleasure of just goin at it and the afterglow, all of which you belittle by sayin the orgasm's the only important bit.
More to the point though, if you go into sex with that kind of attitude that's prob all you'll feel from it. On the other hand, if two people see sex as a physical manifestation of their love, that's what it's gonna be to them. Like most other things in life, the mentality you go into it with affects what you get out of it.
That said, if bein celibate's what's right for you go for it. If you actually have no desire for sex, then don't let society pressure you into doing something you don't want to. Just don't suppress any desires you do have by thinking about it too much : )
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classicalman114
"here's the lead up, the actual pleasure of just goin at it and the afterglow"

All overrated. Drastically. There's just too much more to life than sex.
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But if you haven't done it how would you know that it's overrated :S I'm not tryin to be rude, sorry if it sounds that way, but you can't really judge it 'til you've tried it, preferably with someone you love. I'll agree there's more to life than sex, but that's no reason not to do it. It's enjoyable and it makes you feel closer to your partner, so why not just go for it? I don't really see how it's selfish either, except insofar as every act is selfish, and that's kind of a depressing way to look at things so I try not to think about it XD
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Classicman- why are you trying to act as if you are above other people? You seem to be so wrapped up in viewing your life from an objective perspective, you're forgetting to enjoy the part of you that IS animal. Not that I believe your theory on alien intelligence, but if that is the case, surely you can enjoy your animal part, but not be consumed by it? Maybe you should leave your head now and again, and just do, without thinking, you might be pleasantly surprised.
Also, stop insulting people who you deem aren't 'sentient' enough with your attitude, i find it repulsively pretencious that you act in that way, you probably haven't left your bedroom in years.
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You are 18 years old. Keep asking questions.

My only advice is find a more intelligent audience to answer them.
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Ollieo
At least you are thinking about your sexuality. Maybe a little too much, in that you are making big judgements from rather green territory. I agree that there is a lot that is hyped up about sex. But I don't think it is healthy to rationalize away it and its importance in life or the life of other people either. That just sounds prudish.
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dude you need to at least try it i mean is any activity that can be done by at least only 2 people is far from selfish.
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classicalman114
@: Bazaza
I've masturbated numerous times in my recent life and that's fine enough for me.
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The comment that you've masturbated and that's enough for you is really ironic. Isn't masturbation inherently more selfish than sex, since you do it only to pleasure yourself, and no one else benefits?

I agree that sex is overrated, but there are many non-selfish reasons that people do it. They want to make their partner happy and give them pleasure too. It's an act of great physical affection and trust. It makes you vulnerable to another person. I know I've had sex at times when I didn't want it because I wanted to make my boyfriend happy. What's selfish about that?
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@: Kat444
This kid's a fucking hypocrite. Clearly since he can't even be decent to people on the internet, he has no real friends, has never had and with his attitude will never have sex, and hates everything but himself. Thus, I can't blame him for being so miserable. He's young and justifies his deplorable lack of social skills by thinking he's hot shit and on some higher plane than everyone else.

Kid, face it. You don't like anyone, and no one likes you in return. Now, go and beat off to your Disney princesses.
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Hey you're just a Kid, there is no way you can be sure of anything at your age, you're still learning, I tell you what, let's talk about this in ten years.
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so when I give my boyfriend a blowjob, I'm being selfish? Sex can be a "selfish" act if you're selfish to begin with... but I give myself to my boyfriend and he gives himself to me so that we can please each other. Now... either you misunderstand sex, or you don't understand selflessness... Just don't assume that every act of making love is selfish.
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flikr
what the hell are you even talking about you sound like a jealous virgin loser, go get layed
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@: flikr
lol hes probably fat hahaha
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Ms_October
@: flikr
I agree (though is there a reason the Comment buttons no longer work here again?)

All I can say is find a partner who is more inventive than your hand and your attitude about sex might change.

Me, I always try to give my partners the very best - and have only once received a complaint.

Think it over pal.

October
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@: flikr
exactly
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classicalman114
So so sad. I pity your poor lack of development as sentient beings. :/
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ih8j0o
@: flikr
Stfu.
I dislike you.
Moron.
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@: flikr
wat the hell are YOU even talking about, u sound like a douche bag that just loves putting other people down for their thoughts, go get a life.
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I agree for a variety of reasons, but the OP is sexually frustrated or he would've stopped long ago. So what? I am, but I''m not making a drunken ass of myself trying to be the "alpha male." Hell, I bet half of the people here do one-night stands regularly and are proud of it because they attained biological status, which means nothing in this empty universe. We're all going down into the same ground. It's overrated by media so we'll buy products, therapy, medication, etc. for it. It's society's demand to make people fuck and make the others feel like less a part of it when we don't.

Before anyone slags me off for being another sexually frustrated 18-year old boy because I am, I talk to girls quite a lot. I can get a number whenever I want, I can make a girl laugh whenever I want, and I don't expect anything out of a girl when I talk to them other than honesty. But, knowing what most people are up to today, sex and love have become a commodity to be stolen (cheating) and used (deception) again and again. People who can't admit this to themselves are in denial. Sex has revealed itself as empty over time, and to yell at a kid who's realized this and possibly stuck for being unattractive is as petty as you think he is.
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Alright, I agree completely. It's a bodily function, like eating, going to the bathroom, or throwing up. Why exactly does it have to beautiful?
And, you don't have "experience it yourself" to know that it looks like a couple of rutting monkeys, or elephants, or any other animals in the world.
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Sex an fantasy is more compulsive URGE than something we think of, it only strengthens constantly in our subconscious, and even more in it.

You're an interesting person, and sound a great deal like my brother.
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classicalman114
@: Krenn
My life is ruled by contemplation and seeking knowledge, as well as admiring the consistent variation in the world. Our obsession with sex destroys the possibility of an individual becoming a independent sustained and full fledged sentient, unlike me.

Tell me more about your brother if you will.
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classicalman114
To rephrase, my mind is not shaped by unconscious desires for sex. I know because I monitor my thought patterns constantly.
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...its amazing and the relationship doesnt have to be all about sex its just something u do sometimes cuz its enjoyable and good for ur body and mind.. if u think like that about it its just guna suck for u.. stop being a whiny ass about it and try it out ull prob be alot happier and u really seem to need that like holy fuck...
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classicalman114
I wouldn't have this problem if sex wasn't so over hyped.
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sex is the ultimate way to express your love to someone. u become one and share every moment. its not over rated.what i think is that u compare it to many movies.
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Such is the sad often promoted puritanical view of our culture. Sex is completely natural. It's the only healthy pleasure! Yes, it's overrated at times, but those who orgasm at least 2-3 times a week live on average 10 years longer.
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It sounds to me that you don't disapprove of sex itself, but just the way that sex is so overblown in our culture. If so, I would have to agree that it is normal.

If you disagree with sex itself (for non-reproductive purposes) then I disagree. Sex is a basic urge, no more selfish than eating, sleeping, or socializing.
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I agree
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Sex is very overated...lol In the bible under corinthians I read that the lord would prefer if we did not have sex but because humans are lustful he allows it under marraige. It even went as far as to say that while it is allowed in marriage he regards people that do not have sex highly. I really commend u for still being a virgin chastity is a gift- and everyone does not have the will power to remain chaste.
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I just don't think it's fair at all to judge it whatsoever if you haven't done it. No ifs ands or buts.

Whenever I have sex with my gf, I feel more connected to her than ever. It's like you feel pleasure in the other person almost..
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Well, I love masturbation much more than sex, its like free drugs lol.
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That's a very amateur way of looking at it, in my opinion. Since you have yet to experience an orgasm, then I would suggest that you just don't know what you are missing. Oh and by the way, I agree with you that some people use sex selfishly. But some people do it as a way of showing that they care about their lover. As a Christian, I was taught that God wants you to save your gift until marriage. In that aspect, that is the most unselfish way of using sex ever.
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I entirely agree with you. Sex is way too overrated. I can't believe most people make such a big deal over something so overblown.

Yes, it's a natural urge, and it is satisfying, but society's unrelenting obsession with it is stupid.

Frankly, I think people should be having LESS sex. The world is already too overcrowded and overpopulated as it is.
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Have you ever considered the possibility that you may be asexual. A tiny portion of the population actually is, but you never know... I also would wait to pass such judgments on it until after you try it. And it can be considered selfish, but it is also an incredible bonding experience when experienced in the proper context, that is why it is considered so important to love.
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You're just trying to make yourself feel better because you're 18 and have never fucked.

So what if it's selfish? Everything humans do can be perceived as selfish, if you're anal enough to actually care.
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classicalman114
Oh and BTW, you're not helping this situation. You're also not helping yourself. You're locked in one mindset. I suggest you alter your thought patterns to something higher, or just simply leave this planet.
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Sex IS good. You havn't tried it so how would you even know? AND sex with someone you love IS even better. Nothing compares, sorry but its the truth.
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classicalman114
"sorry but its the truth." isn't that entirely subjective? You also obviously are oblivious to other forms of consciousnesses such as I.
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aace
are you sure your even alive? My wife has given many guys a great moment. I'm proud of the piece she has brought into this world
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OK...after almost 7 months of checking responses to your query you still find ways to subvert the responses you acquire from the readers herein.

Ergo....I think you're just a pompous ass doing a study or paper for, oh, I don't know, maybe a psyc or sociology class? Quit trying to mind F**k people and go about reading about the adolescent girls who wonder why they aren't achieving orgasm when they think about daddy while the family pet licks them.

Jerk
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First of all I'll have to point out that an eighteen-year-old virgin is saying sex is selfish. This could be a defensive mental reaction. Ignoring that, it's fine for you to be asexual. No problem in that. But to assume that sex has to be a taken pleasure tells me you don't see the giving side, or don't see why you should BE given it. Transferring this onto others, you don't see mutual giving as an option either. As if knowing one can take pleasure in giving pleasure ruins giving it. Not logical. True there is a great deal of time in life spent over sex. For it, about it, against it, hiding it, preventing it, pretending isn't. But that doesn't make it selfish. --- An independent mind can face connection, and know it is fleeting. To avoid connecting ties the consciousness off from fully growing. Let what connections that come happen to the extent they will, and fade as they must.
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I thought that was kind of cool.
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There are 2 types of intercourse, sex and making love. Oha nd it's soooo good because it's like a drug. There is actually physical chemical things happening in your brain and body that are like taking drugs. It's like the drug of life, the most natural of all.
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No, sex is pleasurable for both sexes.
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Not true.
Genitalia on both sexes have this weird thing. They feel like nothing else. They are the most sensitive part upon your body. And the most intimate, not by social taboo's, but of nature. And when you share this feeling with another person, its a feeling that dosnt have a name; because it is so widley felt. Sex is not to be taken advantage of, nor to be ignored. The touch of another minds, spirits, sexual emotion, is somthing that you cannot judge without having a generous distribution with someone who in your eyes, is perfect. Enjoy.
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wow man shit lay off the guy.. if he doesnt want to have sex then so be it. I feel he does have a valid point of sex somtimes complicating a relationship. For those of you trying to act all big and trying to put him down because he hasnt %%u201Cdone%%u201D it already act like its another one of lifes choures to cross of your list, i never had sex till i was 17 and to tell the through from all that presure and hype i was expecting more. It was meaningless and i wish i would have waited. Now 18 in a relathionship and we do bond and express our love through sex also and i love it. Maybe he hasnt found the right girl yet? either way stop fucking presuring him and making him feel his not normal!
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I totally agree with you.

And I don't think it's for the sake of love at all. Yes, it is a selfish act and it just ruins a beautiful relationship that just has to grow stronger mentally and not physically. This is just Greed!
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@: 4w04se
LOL it strengthens relationships.

You guys are so uneducated it's depressing.
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I was told sex was terrible for most of my developing life. And then I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. And it was wonderful. The foreplay and sex that I had with my husband for the five years we've been together as a couple (only married 1 1/2) have been touching and close. There's a certain sense of trust that develops when you let someone touch you naked body. I believe that we came to know one another better through sex. Afterward we would talk about anything and everything because we were more relaxed. It's a wonderful sensation.
Sex may be selfish in the sense that it gives pleasure to the self but to say that it prevents us from becoming more, from being more, I believe is silly. Sex is not on my mind 24/7. I am constantly seeking knowledge, about EVERYTHING. I am always learning. This site for me is a learning experience. I am forever interested in the societal norm and the beliefs of those around me. I love counter and sub culture and seek to learn about them. We are here in life to learn and experience. Sex, to me is just one of many experiences we get to try.
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Sex is not selfish if you care about the person and care about the feelings the other person has and actually WANT the other person to be satisfied. E.g. ORGASM
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You can only come to a full conclusion on it when you actualy have sex. Yeah, I agree sex is used for selfish reasons, but that is only when one person is forced to have sex.

However two people with trust in eachother makes sex good. The only reason you probaly feel this way is because evryone but you is having sex.

Its ok though, don't be in a huryy to loose your virginty if you do not want to.
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classicalman114
"The only reason you probaly feel this way is because evryone but you is having sex."

You really wish, don't you? Apes.
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dont bull shit about sex untill you done it
fucking virgin
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classicalman114
Hmm, well, nah, you don't understand. STFU and go away, ape.
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sex can be very cheap and fucking awesome. The real sex that is not selfish is when two individuals are passionately in love with each other and you can notice the difference between the cheap sex and the real sex. FYI, everyone is selfish, including you, otherwise you wouldn't exist. I see where you are coming from especially considering your limited experience but get over it because it's not going to change.
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classicalman114
"FYI, everyone is selfish, including you, otherwise you wouldn't exist." You're a fucking idiot. "It's not going to change." Even a bigger fucking idiot. Stagnant mind, sickly soul. Vomit inducing. BTW it's not about how much time you've had, but how you've used it, and it's quite definite I've used my time two thousand times greater than your pathetic existence.
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For one, ask yourself, are you autistic?

Definitely try it before you swear it off, dude.



dont be do damned depressed
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i thought the same way for a while.....but now im nt a virgin...
ther can be sex with out love but there cant be love with out sex....
i dont remember who said it bt it makes sence...sex draws partners ever closer then with out it, because its a physical bond...and if you find the right person it turns into a completely NON selfish act...because when you care about sumone that much u wna make them happy. and i agree wid evry one who said it. try sumthing before you downgrade it then come back and post somthing new!!
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I have been married for 6 years and I have never had an orgasm in my entire life. Reallyz
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That's okay. Just do whatever suits you. AS long as you're not hurting people.
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When you get down to it, every action a human being does is "selfish." Even denying that one is selfish is just a selfish psychological need to not feel bad about oneself. This idea is true when viewing the human experience from this specific perspective (which is probably more or less correct as we are animals). So I'll agree with you at this point, classicalman.

Sex is also--at least from my observation of Western society--very overrated. On this point, too, I'll agree with you.

But you're mistaken if you think recognizing these conditions is some sort of medal to pin on your chest. I think it's silly of people to attack your personal view of sex, but it's also silly for you to feel superior to these antagonists (or "apes" in your words). After all, we're all, for better or worse, human beings, and ideas like "value" and "worth" are relative and prone to change. So basically you feel you have more value for exercising the mind, while another feels more value for engaging in sex. But both of you are slave to each other as you rely on the other as an external force to compare self-worth (the "other" can be a specific as a person or as general as the whole of society).

If you're truly grasping for the higher planes of sentience, enlightening others without demeaning them is more productive. Degrading others just quells the selfish, animalistic need to "feel superior"--a nonsense that has trapped humanity for too long.
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classicalman114
Nope. Wrong. End of story. There are worthless barely human "sentients" polluting out psychic atmosphere. They're hopeless. I can't do anything for them but wish them dead. I can't enlighten them via non-demeaning methods; YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA FUCKING LISTEN, DO YOU?????? SDFJHDSFUHSDUFWE87YTR78W23EGFYUWEGFYUWE THAT'S HOW INSANE I AM, FUCKTARD.
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you seriuosly need to know what your takling about before you start slagging it off. how is pleasuring a person you love beyond mesure selfish? and if you dont love them you shouldnt be naked doin the baaaad thing with them :P
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I think everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. You make a valid point. I do think sex is selfish and overrated. Your smart and articulate, not to mention brave enough to share your thoughts here. In my book, you're more than normal. ;o)
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Well, people are an inherently selfish and overrated species. Sounds like the perfect way to prove that point.
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classicalman114
No we're not. Only the animals are. Not those who are on the road to the great ego.
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I'll be a bit more specific. The act of sex is mutual, both parties benefit. The motive, however, is selfish. I engage in sexual intercourse because I derive substantial pleasure from the physical act and the act of pleasuring my partner.
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The previous comment was not supposed to by a reply.
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It's certainly overrated by most people today.
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it is not selfish when with your significant other, if u say the orgasm is the only important part- a percentage of girls do not orgasm durin sex but they want to make their man happy. my girlfriend like how close i am to her wen i am in her, she is opening to me in a way she has never with another person
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We are selfish by nature, get on with it.
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Experience is valued higher than speculation, as a sentient being you should know this. In your opinion sex is overrated, in my opinion it is not. What you have posted is a conundrum and I think intentionally so.

I believe you have created this scenario to bolster your sense of higher intelligence... but not the same higher intelligence you describe in your comments. You are under the mindset that anyone who would react to this trap you have designed is automatically of a lower intellect. I disagree. Anonymously deceiving people through a text-based medium is easy and hardly clever. If you want attention this badly, go pull a fire alarm.

Though we do agree on one thing: you are most certainly a virgin.
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classicalman114
Nice to know you know nothing, idiot. Obviously, you have no knowledge of sexual energy and its greater uses.
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classicalman114
BTW, accept it, you have a low conscience.
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Everything we do is inherently selfish. Sex just happens to be the most pleasurable selfish thing we do. You just haven't been drugged with adrenaline-filled libido yet.
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classicalman114
@: Malfoy
Nice to know you know nothing. BTW, half-ass excuse.
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you are one fucked up 18 year old kid. suggest you get out more often and see the world more. Selfish or otherwise, I still enjoy my sexual intercourses with my galfriend and so does she.
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classicalman114
WANT TO RAISE YOUR CONSCIOUS? I thought not.
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F**k me I've seen so many comments!!

Anyway it's not just the act of a f**k it's wat you do first ie FOREPLAY , the build up. The longer that lasts the BIGGER the climax.
Go try it and cum back with your furher observations.
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Sex is a bit overrated in this society, but I have few points to make.

1) Sex makes you more healthy, lowers stress hormones ect. which helps your health and well-being. Thus, your brain will work better and be more able to achieve higher states of conciseness.

2) Because of #1, you will live longer and in better health giving you added time to accumulate wisdom, growth, knowledge, enlightenment ect.

3) The love of a partner give you added strength, emotional support and all of this gives you much more ability and confidence to achieve the things you want to do.

So the irony is is that yes, sex takes up time from your life, but then it adds years to your life. In essence, you end up having the same amount of time to do what you want to do with your life regardless if you have sex or not. Plus, thinking all the time needs a break to be most effective - sex is an enjoyable break.

About the fact that sex is over-rated in this society, that is true. Think about it this way: most people operate on a lower level of consciousness than you desire. This is something I've seen time and time again on this planet and is one thing that constantly is being proven to me. Very few aspire to be more than average and very few people are free-thinkers in general. This is why people view sex in such high terms. Most people work, socialize and watch TV. There is a huge world out there with various viewpoints and things to learn but most people never know or care about it. Accept it for what it is, this is just the reality of life.

The only way to find sanity in a world like this is to live in a place where there is a reasonable amount of intelligent people and make some friends. Knowing there are others like you will remind you that you don't have to be like the average person and you can instead thrive as yourself.
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I'm confused by term "overrated"... isn't it selfish if I'm pretend to be chased by cute girls for the fun of it while withhold sex before let chemistry with the right person developed? I'm gonna to say no, and to deny sex as part of natural is absurd.

Forget about it and go outside to socialize or die in your tiny bedroom as a virgin. Either way I don't care.
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I think you kinda normal, my brother thinks exactly the same way except we think he's got social phobia nd stuff. Oh well, your free to believe whatever you want,
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In which school of mysteries do you participate?

Assuming from what you ve told so far you must be a member of the gnostic movement for a year or two.

Well, listen. I think the correct mindset(would be no mindset, but, anyway) would be that u do all u pleasure doing first(including sex), and then do the other stuff. You are here to expirience not to deny.
-Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law
I'm must note two things in what you are saying.
-What you've written so far has an egoic attitude.
That is normal.Nobody is perfect.
Causes of this response though can be:
-Not having worked on your inner self.
-Not being able to obtain sexual pleasure either because of a biological problem or because you simply haven't been able to go that far with a girl.
Having experienced alternate states of consciousness as the ones attained through astral projection doesn't make you any better than any other person. Anyone who says otherwise is a seducer and a liar.
If u attain a higher consciousness(and so as u attain one) you will have to get rid of the thing u are using at this very moment:your computer. If u had achieved higher consciousness you would have thrown it away already. Anyone who says otherwise is a seducer and a liar.

You must also have also understood by now(if you haven't done so then you are in trouble) that experiences, responsibilities and TIME make people more STABLE, and more MATURE in general. Your maturity(which is affected by !!both!! AGE(!!!) and your EXPERIENCES(such as sex(!!)) affects greatly your ability to work on thyself and understand 'mystic' meanings and sayings (because they address to mature people). In other words, the above afctors affect greatly how correct(and advanced)our JUDGMENT can be.

I must note that being in a relationship(with all the things that come with it) will affect
greatly your """being"""(in the folk sense of the word) and your not having been into one would most likely mean that you are not mature enough. There your judgment is impaired.
Any objections so far?
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classicalman114
No computer? You're very unaware of what high consciousness truly is. More technology to maximize the learning experience is required.
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From reading your comments you dont seem to quite get sex, and how there are tons of hormones and chemicals that are released during it. Its a normal human function and overall makes people happier. You won't get it because your a virgin. Also LOVE HAS TO DO WITH SEX, because there is a hormone that is released during sex that makes you feel closer to your partner. Its an evolutionized hormone from humans having one partner compared to the old days. Also dopamine is released to make you feel happier and more awake. Romance love, and sex give you dopamine highs. Also saying we're too intelligent for sex is wrong too because we aren't all as smart as we really think. The average person is a dumb ass.

On side note, you subconciously want sex. I read a comment where you said that you know all your thoughts what not. Subconcious means your body and brain want it/ think it/ feel it. That means you don't know your thinking subconciously. You can analyse your subconcious but you'd have to have a lot of understand on the subject. The subconcious is too hard of a subject to really get completely and sum it all up here. Either way if your not craving sex there could actually be something wrong with you mentally because its a human function that we're built and ment to do.
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classicalman114
Get your thoughts straightened out; you know nothing.
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sex is just one piece of a good relationship. its not about me, me, me...it%%u2019s about giving as much as yourself to pleasure your partner, to show her love, and respect. Talking and listening to her after wards or between rounds. it%%u2019s completely unselfish.
of coarse there are one nighters that don't mean crap and are selfish 9x out 10%%u2026%%u2026%%u2026.but it doesn't have to be that way either. if not in a relationship, hopefully a decent and promising one nighter may once again darken your doorway and come back for a rematch, some romance or just to bump uglies again!!!!. don't knock it till u tried it dude!
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Agree!! But honestly, I don't really know. I watch a vid on Youtube on subliminal messages,the media is apparently brainwashing us, it pointed out the words "seek sex" embedded in magazines in a way that is not perceived by the conscious mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMjxrKIWTIg cannot really see the point or the media doing this.... Scary stuff.
Anyway, nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex. I don't really want to either. I feel like there's a lot of pressure on youth to "try it". This all said, I wouldn't say it's selfish. I'd say masturbating is more selfish. But honestly, I think when your in love with someone and get married, you will find yourself curious, and probably have sex!
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Yes it does maximize the learning experience, still it makes it harder to fight with your ego, unless you wanna provoke it though. In the sense of facing your own deficiencies and experiencing things you normally wouldn't without technology
can be very useful. So, for example, are you for or against video games?
Btw, if the conversation goes a lot out of point you may wanna contact me here bdm23@live.com

What you are saying though in the 1st message isn't that sex is overrated-unimportant in general, but that it is overrated in the way most people do it
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Its not selfish whatsoever.
Youre giving SOMEBODY ELSE pleasure.
And SOMEBODY ELSE gives you it.
Its like the LEAST selfsish act in the world!
I bed you've masturbated, THATS MORE SELFISH! :L

Seriously mate, go out and get laid. Dont knock it til you've tried it, and more importantly..

DONT EXPRESS USELESS OPINIONS ON SEX, WHEN YOURE A VIRGIN! :L
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well the way i see it, is that it does prove love in a way. because the first time for a girl hurts a lot (or so i've been told) and i really really would need to love someone so much for that. and as the arctic monkeys put it, "how can you wake up with someone you don't love?".
and maybe, it is selfish, but we all need to be selfish sometimes.
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Fucking get laid then you'll know what it's all about just dont fuck a virgin the first time get a whore who knows wtf shes doing.
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If you want to not be selfish at all in life, go and nail yourself to a cross and play martyr. It's impossible to get through your entire life never being selfish.

Sex is not a selfish act unless you go into it being selfish. When you engage in it with mutual desire, it is no longer being selfish. When it comes to having an orgasm, USUALLY the most joy you feel is in giving your PARTNER the orgasm, they benefit physically and you benefit mentally - feel good factor all around. It can deepen a relationship when two people are ready to go to that level. Although most of us engage in random sexual acts with random strangers from time to time - which is probably where it's selfish coz then it's more an "all about what I want" thing and the random stranger is just the phallus or hole - I think most of us take it seriously when we're involved with someone we love and then sex is far from overrated as long as it is mutually satisfying.

To answer your question - NO, it doesn't mean you love someone. Hell, even as a female I've bonked men I feel rocks for and never spoken to them again after they gave me what I want. I was being selfish - I'm so ashamed :P Love should be something that is well established before you engage in sex with a long term partner, not as a confirmation of love, but as an expression of love.

My husband and I have been over this conversation many times during our 13 years together, as he felt very much like you and was a virgin at 22 - up until I met him :D. We took things slowly and only had sex after dating for almost a month. He always believed sex was not the most important thing, and at first I thought he was mad. But after talking this subject over in depth, I do get his point. You have to find balance, friendship first, then love, then sex. It's not the most important thing, but it certainly isn't overrated and yes, there is a lot more to life, so I don't suggest you lock yourself in the bedroom and bonk your brains out 24/7, you'll quickly get bored with it and it will become overrated. Also, it's worth mentioning that hubby o' mine went from thinking it wasn't important to being a total sex God in bed. He enjoys sex very much, but it's not the be all and end all for him.

One other thing I did note about my man, and I don't know if this is relevent or not, but it's just a thought - is that he has a reletively low libido, perhaps you do too and that is why you don't see what the fuss and bother is.
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we get our intelligence from extraterrestrials, really? im thinking you have a negative attitude towards sex because nobody wants to have sex with you. you seem just plain weird.
sex is very animalistic because humans, plain and simply, are animals.
or i have another theory
maybe you have a shitty attitude towards sex because your secretly gay and cant come to terms with the fact your sexually attracted to the same sex, so you hide your shame by slamming the urge that makes you feel dirty
=]
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This is an interesting issue, actually. First off, my first sexual intercourse was fairly crappy. Possibly because I didn't have any feeling for that girl. But has been was very pleasurable with some other girls since then. So what I am saying is, you learn to get more out of it as you gain experience.

On the more thoretical side of things, the question of why people enjoy sex has always interested me very much. I try to think is terms of Darwin's evolution theory. We enjoy food because it gives us the necessary nutrients to survive and prosper. We enjoy sleep because it allows the mind and body to regain their strength and to continue our struggle for survival. So I think that the brain is designed to receive signals of pleasure when the body is carrying the activities conducive to out survival. But why do we enjoy sex so much? Maybe sexual activity sends such a powerful signal of pleasure to our brain to make us reproduce? I think this is the case. Reproduction is a necessary prerequite for the survival of a species in its old age, because its decendants provide for their parents. At least that was the case prior to the advent of the welfare state with its social support mechanisms. However, in a modern welfare state elderly people can survive without their children having to provide for them. So sexual intercourse becomes redundant in terms of Darwin's theory of evolution. But the atavistic signals of pleasure we receive from sexual activity are still there. We now engage in sex for sex's sake. At some point in the course of evolution there was a shift in the purpose of this act. But hey, it still gives us some pleasure, so let's now discard it just yet )
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I'm married and a guy and sex really is overrated. I enjoy it don't get me wrong but it shouldn't be the be all and end all of your life. As for it being selfish I think it all depends on your attitude and what you're doing...

Of course it's entirely possible you're asexual... check out www.asexuality.org for more info on it.
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If you ask me - if it doesn't feel amazing and it's not good, it's not sex. Just like eating a piece of bread made out of plastic - plastic bread is "still bread," right? NO! IT'S NOT! See? There is no such thing as "bad sex", but there is a lot of "not-sex".
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it is overrated and can be selfish but it can also be good. Some people just want the pleasure and there are no feelings involved which makes it selfish. If you are with someone you truly love then you want to make them feel the amazing pleasure you get from sex and they in turn want to give you the same feeling so you have great sex that is selfless and wonderful.
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when you get layed... you'll know
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How can you pass judge on something that you don't even know what it is? LOL
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It is very overrated.
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Are you asexual? or just antisexual? Kid, you need to get on AVEN. (asexuality.org)
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I agree. The reason sex is overrated is because most people don't know what love is and therefore are empty inside. If you don't feel love on a daily basis from others you become full of hate. When this happens they turn to porno to make themselves feel like somebody because now the feel like nobody. You're on the right track buddy. Somehow you see the preciousness in yourself and others. Keep your integrity strong friend. :)
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It's not selfish if you can actually please a woman. Just because you can't get sex you are trying to belittle what you can't have.
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infinityforlife
so true i agree totally, love has nothing to do with sex after all it is known as reproducing. How do you know if your asexual anyways, like im wondering if i am... when you feel attracted to someone sexually, what is it meant to feel like?
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you probly just cant get any booty...iz dat the real problem???..go to a strip club or pay a hooker or sumthing...u obviously feel that way because your 18 and havent had any yet
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haha, selfish? that just depends on what you do but if I'm giving I damn well want something back. Sex isn't that overrated, you're probably just seeing it glamourised by all the porn you must be watching as "an 18 year old male"
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Your weird...Sex is awesome!!!The thing that makes it look selfish is when stupid rappers get on tv and start acting like savages.They act like woman are just objects and nothing more..and i hate that with a passion..But sex is great!!!!!! i love it!! Im a girl,an ive never not had an orgasm during sex...haha thats un commen...i know
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holy grumpy much.. how is it selfish? ur enjoying something with someone u love and making them feel grrreat and gettin a closer bond
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THANK YOU! I am so glad I'm not alone! I just don't get the point, besides reproducing.
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Sex is a very strange thing because your brain is hard-wired to like it. It basically bypasses a lot of the reasoning an experience that guides us in every other endeavor.

Yes, it is **way** over-hyped in the media, but don't let that steer you into thinking it's a bad thing.

The bad thing about sex is that it is a purely physical sensation
that you brain mistakes for an emotional response. How many times do we hear about somebody having sex and then thinking "It must be love" because of the sex? The sex itself has nothing to do with love, BUT coming from the other side, if you are in love, sex can be a wonderful thing.
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It seems to me that since you haven't experienced sex yet you feel inclined to belittle it. You can't possibly prepare yourself for the pleasure that awaits you. Your perspective will then alter itself; problem solved; done.

As to the 'selfish' aspect, sex is a very basic drive. It's like eating or sleeping. Is it selfish to want to eat? IMO, people who glorify sex and equate it with love are insecure and simple-minded.

Sex does not come from above; it comes from below. If someone bestows love on a special friend with sex, it's like showing love to that person by cooking them an incredibly delicious meal. Is that divine? No...but it's a sweet thing to do! Go get laid.
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classicalman114
Go get LAID? Correct your terminology and then perhaps I'll take you seriously.
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Selfishness isn't wrong. In fact a lot of things that are considered selfless are in fact selfish. Giving mom a gift? You're just trying to get on her good side. Saving a baby from the fire? You get to be a hero and besides if you didn't you couldn't live with your SELF because of the morals that have been ingrained into your mind all your life. Selfless acts feed the Self...even if a man martyrs himself there is still some form of selfishness involved in the act if you think hard enough about it.

Selfishness is misunderstood. It can be a good thing...so go get you some!
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maybe you are saying that coz you didnt have sex with someone you really love, man its the best thing ever you can feel, you are the first guy who feels this way about sex, very weird...
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classicalman114
NO IT'S REALLY NOT. Does sex TRULY mean you love someone? It can or can't, and that's my problem with it. It's just a single act, and it is inherently animal. That bothers me. I believe we were endowed with higher intelligence by extraterrestrials, and thus it is a gift, and we were intended to live life for more with it.

Also, again, I don't see what the big deal is about sex. Pleasurable, but DRASTICALLY OVERRATED.
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lol screw the whole sex argument, did you say that you think we received our intelligence from "extraterrestrials"??!
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Stop pontificating about things you know damn-all about, you callow youth. When you've ****ed a few girls you'll know more.
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@: zsazsa
My sentiments exactly. Why don't you just post something else when you've actually HAD sex?? Just a thought
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