Sexual confusion... my fault?

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I am a straight married man. I love my wife and our amazing son. I have a horrible past of sexual misconduct. I was molested and raped at 13 and then found myself attracted to other boys and girls. I dated a lot of girls/women from High school on, but never acted out on my gay urges. When I was in college I had sexual encounters with a couple of men. I hated every second of it, after the fact. It wasn't regret as much as I just honestly didn't enjoy it. I have put that behind me, but can't get over my addiction to gay porn. My wife has found it before and I have explained my situation. I don't like gay looking men, but athletic "normal" guys being dominated. I know its because I see that as making them look weak. I am very insecure about my body and envy their looks. I don't actually look at the porn for the sex anymore, just the bodies. Is this normal?