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Sharing a bed with my daughter
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We live alone together just me and her she is 11 but she is afraid of the dark so i sometimes let her sleep in my bed with me because she says she feels safe but i limited it to 2 nights a week but she is now creeping into my bed every night at like 3 in the morning and i know people don't really see it as normal so i' just trying to protect myself but she can't see what is wrong with it and when i think about it neither can i i mean what is wrong with sleeping in the same bed as someone so is it ok to share the bed with her? Is this normal? i'm 35 btw
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Comments (54)
Is it not a fathers duty to make his kids feel safe?
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Ms_October
There is nothing "wrong" with sleeping in the same bed as your daughter - in my family all of us kids would generally roll up together in our mom and dads bed on friday nights and fall asleep watching late movies (though there is little WORSE in life than waking up with your brother's feet an inch from your nose)

So long as it is Sleeping.

Something I have noticed while reading, many many fathers today are actually afraid to be loving toward their daughters or give them a cuddle, a sad situation.

I Would tell her that she really needs to try and stay in her own room at her age, but if she needs a cuddle or to know that you are there for her, I don't see any problem with it. I wouldn't make it Every Night if you can possibly avoid it, and make sure you are both well dressed (skimpy nighties are out) but don't be afraid to give her the Normal support and reassuring affection she needs.

October Marie
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Shes 11 for fooks sake and she needs her daddy, squeeze her like a teddy bear don't let go ^_^
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Dude... im in high school but i still love cuddling up with my mum... i dont wanna be 40 and still doing that... but staying with your parents while u have the chance... there's nothin wrong with dat... its not like i'm sexually attracted to her.. i just love her as a mom
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Dude do what you want. I see nothing wrong with this, shes your daughter for phuck sake and is your job not to protect your children? protect that child from the boogie monster and let her sleep in your bed bro but when shes 16 you might wanna buy her a bed.
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There's a thin line. Don't cross it.
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Shes young and looking up to you for protection. If you chase her away now, in later life if she needs you she might just remember that you kept telling her to go away and might never try asking for you help and this would not be a good thing
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The brain and soul-dead aren't past posting their missives of fear and unknowing hate. They're the reason anyone's child is fear-filled in the first place -- a child senses their mentality out there beyond their walls. The fear in a child is a terrible thing to bear and you should continue with your support unashamedly and without doubts at all levels giving comfort and insight into her fears. That a father should be obliged to fear he'd become sexually aroused comforting his daughter? We lived in caves maybe millions of years in claustrophobic proximity. A sane man can distinguish what is pure mechanical arousal which he must switch off from true sexual excitement which he wouldn't be required to. You don't strike me as insane, so I should relax and comfort her all she needs without compounding her fears with sensed awkwardness from you. Whatever your fear of what others could think if they knew that is trivial compared to her child's fears. Trust yourself and don't worry.
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she needs to be a big girl now but u got to tell her during the day not at night when she goes over that will hurt her heart.!!!!
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It's not normal because there's gotta be something else that's making her do that. Something more than a fear of the dark. Find out what she's really afraid of and reassure her that she's safe in her own bed.
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It's normal unless you have sexual feelings towards her. Then you are messed up.
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Dad ~

Here's what you need to do. You go to her bed in her room and tuck her in. Lie down beside her if that's what she wants. She'll go to sleep, you want 'til you know she's really asleep. Get up and go to your own bed. End of problem. I do this with my 7-year-old son all the time.
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I do the same thing man, my son is eight. Though sometimes he still comes in early mornings.
He isn't really scared or anything. We do have a close bond, though, during the day there's hugs and love and support.

He has autism, he is my son and I love him more than anything... Even if that means an average night's sleep of three to four hours.
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Buy her another bed in your Room, and force her to accept this as a mid solution
never share a bed with her, because usually humans feel sexual arousal at different times during sleep, you do not want your daughter to be near you or in touch with you during that.
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I think someone should call the punctuation police after that opening sentence, chief.
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bookworm006
Ok so when I was 12, i couldnt sleep alone! My parents are seperated and at my moms i would always sleep with her, At my dads i would put a sleeping bag at the bottom of his bed. Its fairly normal i think.
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this is out of order be more controlling if you have to let her leave the light on and when your ready just quietly sneak into her room and turn the lights off(save the earth remember)and if it get's to out of hand put a lock on your door
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jus get her a nightlight dude
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Haven't bothered readng the other comments, but it's not wrong unless you guys are groping and such, which I highly doubt. When I was in grade school I wanted one or the other of my parents to come and wash me. Everywhere. Literally. There was nothing sexual about it and I didn't understand it was "wrong". Of course, I don't do that now, and I'm not attracted in that manner to either of them.
It's no biggy.
PS unless she's stupid/immature, I'm sure she'll understand if you tell her it's wrong.
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The only reason that it's wrong is that she needs to learn to face her fears and she can't run to daddy every time she is scared.
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Ollieo
You are comforting your child & can work together with her to make her feel safe & comfy in her own room.
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bookworm006
If it bothers you put a couple pillows in between you guys. Your fine. She will grow out of it. I bet you once she hits her period she will want to be in her own bed.
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Leave the landing light on and her door open.
this will make her feel more safe.
up to the age of 12 i was scared of the dark,
and im male :o
so ya know.
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I slept with my parents until I was 8 or so. Seriously, it's not a big deal.

If you want to wean her off of it (which eventually must be done because she will have to sleep alone in the future) get a fold out bed or something so she can be in the room with you without sharing the bed.

The main side effect from sleeping with my parents? I sleep better next to someone, they're like a teddy bear lol. So I usually try to sleep when my husband's sleeping lol.
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There may be another reason she is there. Whatever the reason her mother is not there might be trumatic. She may be afraid you will not be there one day. I think it is normal and a beautiful thing that you can comfort her. I assume from your writing that nothing improper is happening. I often sleep with my 10 year old granddaughter after a spooky movie or if she feels insecure.
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I agree that there may be another reason that she may be there. I would ask her about what she finds "scary" about the dark. Is she having nightmares, trouble sleeping, ect? Try to find out if "I am scared of the dark" is the real issue and there are not underlying issues. She may simply be afraid of the dark. And if that is the case encourage her with rewards for staying a whole night, then week then month in her own room. In the end, I think it is always important to have open lines of communication between children and their parents.
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I think it's perfectly fine before puberty.
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YA its normal me and my duaghter snuggle all the time even when she is not scared
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u should just get a nightlight for her, if not things would get even weirder
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LOL. I am 18 and still sleep next to my mom sometimes, my dad works 2nd shift and we only have 2 bedrooms, mine and my brothers. My dad sleeps in the living room, and my mom sleeps next to me. I know its not usual or normal, but she is my mom.
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dude put one of the mattresses on the floor. you dont have to sleep in the same bed as her.
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You said you and your daughter live alone, and I think her wanting to sleep in your bed is perfectly normal. I still get really afraid at night sometimes, when that happens I go and sleep with my mom or she comes in to my room and sleeps on my couch. It is just a matter that you are the adult in the house therefor you are protection. If I had only my dad it would be him I feel save with. She'll gradually learn that you are there and she's safe even if you don't share a bed.
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she's getting attached man
girls get very attached to their fathers
boys are attached to their mothers

that i think

and don't get the wrong meanings that ur girl is upto some other shit...
seriously
just love her as much you'd
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and try and tell her that she's old enough to sleep alone and force her to do it in soft manner
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dude micheal jackson had the same rationale. but you got to let her grow up cause shes not always gonna have someone to rely on when shes scared.
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If it feels normal to you, and your daughter does not see any problem with it, then there is nothing wrong with it.

What you DON'T want to happen is have it be an open door to anything inappropriate, and that is the danger there. Not only do you need to understand that it's innocent and there is nothing wrong with it, but you need to make sure she understands that, too--as she gets older and goes through more changes, you could start looking at her differently, or she could start thinking about the situation differently--as long as you're both open and honest with each other, then all I see is a father who loves and cares for his daughter.
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I think its normal, like if she is scared of the dark she is your daughter let her sleep with you but when it comes to every night put a night light in her room or just stay up with her till she falls asleep, but i think its normal letting your child sleep with you if its just you and her and she is scared to sleep by herself .
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she'll be going through puberty soon.way too old. yeah it's time she slept alone. get her night lights or something.
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get her a night light!
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She is your Kid to protect and if she has mixed feelings for you is ok as long as yours are of a caring father and nothing else, You must always be there to protect her.
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i slept in the same bed as my mom till i was 12.6 its normal the problem will go away on its own if it doesn't you might wanna talk to her about it personally i had terrible nightmares about monsters and crap like that but when i got older i started thinking logically its perfectly normal but some people might get the wrong idea so stop if she keeps it up till shes like 12.6 stop it
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as long as there is no sexual things going on, eveythings ok.
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UltraRobbie
If it makes you feel any better I started sleeping on my own when I was 13 LOL. Yeah I preferred sleeping in my parents room for some reason, but I grew out of it.

Eventually.
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the media puts across that all men are paedos which is fucking shite. ive seen men get raised eyebrows for holding a young daughters hand, unfair
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I am seeing someone that allows his daughters to share his bed when they have visitation. They become upset if I stay over and they are not allowed to sleep with him. My children are younger and do not share my bed. I do not believe this is normal.
Comfort her in her own room and go back to your own bed. She needs to know you are there for her but you need to allow her to gain independence of you as well.
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HatsuneMiku01VOCALOID
Who ever said a dad? Maybe it's her mom...I don't know why guys are saying its a dad..
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i did that when i was 6-9 now i do it only when im sick/scared etv. btw im 11
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Face it,if he keeps letting her sleep in his bed,he will eventually fuck her!!!!!!
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No I dont think this is normal at all. You may be a decent sort of person but to an outsider this sounds wrong, I would stop it straight a way and do the right thing. You should tell her to stop coming in and to sleep in her own bed.
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You have to just look at the core of all this and you will conclude there's nothing wrong with it.

First of all, his 11 year old daugther only spends the night with him because she is afraid of the dark. I don't know about you, but to me an 11 year old is still a child and fears are perfectly normal at that age. She's not in the room to perform sexual acts, she just wants to feel safe. Dads are there to comfort their daughters, not to send them away when they clearly state they are afraid.

The only time this behaviour isn't acceptable is when the dad feels sexual desire for his daughter. Than he should stop right away. But I don't think that's the case here.

So, to me you're a good, caring father. Your daughter will grow out of her fear for the dark when she hits puberty, so the case should solve itself.
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I completely agree with this. We tend to pervert innocence the older we get because we forget it, so most people arent ok with this.

As long as there is no sexual desire, there is nothign wrong
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I agree with dinchuckdinchuck, you are close to the edge brother. I wouldn't do it. Do what ^ said and put a small bed in the room.
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I agree, get a small bed in the room. I am a 20 year old male and I am afraid of the dark sometimes... mostly of bugs and poisonous spiders... you have no idea what can happen in such a defenseless state like sleep... but you have to understand that ONE of you will have to face their fears eventually. You seem to be afraid of the possibilities, and she is afraid of the dark. The bed sounds logical. Eventually she will move out, I hope.
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she's too old to be crawling in your bed with you at night... tell her she it a big girl and needs to sleep in her own bed... if she is afraid of the dark get a night-light for her room!
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