Are You Normal?
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Should it last this long?
I'm twenty now. When I was sixteen I had the only relationship I've had in my life. I'd known the girl as an acquaintance since I was eleven, and as a close friend since I was fourteen. It was a long distance relationship.
It lasted a record breaking six-ish months. She left me for an older man, citing my lack of self-esteem as the cause. We remained close friends, but despite this, I didn't take the rejection well. I botched a suicide attempt, and have to this day suffered from severe bouts of depression. Homicidal and suicidal impulses, self-mutilation, inability to function socially. Four years later, it's all still with me, and it still all focuses on her.
Meanwhile, I've become her 'guy friend', the one that every girl seems to have, the one that she turns to for comfort, support and advice when things go bad. She drops frequent hints that she wants to reconcile with me, even saying that she still loves me. She leads me on for months with this, until we have a fight or some new guy comes into her life, at which point I become a nonentity to her. That doesn't lead to good times.
It's been four years and I still cry frequently over losing her, over not being able to have her back, over the feelings of betrayal and inadequacy. When I say 'cry', I mean bawl all night, scream profusely, break things, hit things, hurt myself. I put my head through a wall once during one of these meltdowns. I used to use drugs to calm myself down, especially when I was afraid I might inflict permanent injury to myself. I don't have anymore drugs, and I don't want to use them.
She's the only person I've ever loved, the only one I've ever wanted, the only one I've ever had.
Should it have hurt this bad this long? Should it have hurt this bad in the first place?
It's been four years, it's getting worse again, and I don't know how to make it stop. I'm afraid.
It lasted a record breaking six-ish months. She left me for an older man, citing my lack of self-esteem as the cause. We remained close friends, but despite this, I didn't take the rejection well. I botched a suicide attempt, and have to this day suffered from severe bouts of depression. Homicidal and suicidal impulses, self-mutilation, inability to function socially. Four years later, it's all still with me, and it still all focuses on her.
Meanwhile, I've become her 'guy friend', the one that every girl seems to have, the one that she turns to for comfort, support and advice when things go bad. She drops frequent hints that she wants to reconcile with me, even saying that she still loves me. She leads me on for months with this, until we have a fight or some new guy comes into her life, at which point I become a nonentity to her. That doesn't lead to good times.
It's been four years and I still cry frequently over losing her, over not being able to have her back, over the feelings of betrayal and inadequacy. When I say 'cry', I mean bawl all night, scream profusely, break things, hit things, hurt myself. I put my head through a wall once during one of these meltdowns. I used to use drugs to calm myself down, especially when I was afraid I might inflict permanent injury to myself. I don't have anymore drugs, and I don't want to use them.
She's the only person I've ever loved, the only one I've ever wanted, the only one I've ever had.
Should it have hurt this bad this long? Should it have hurt this bad in the first place?
It's been four years, it's getting worse again, and I don't know how to make it stop. I'm afraid.
Do you think it's normal?
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First relationships are very special and hard to give up. She has moved on and so should you. Although it's hard it may be time to start distracting yourself with other things and try to go places you are comfortable where you might make new friends or meet someone else. You can volunteer or take some specialty classes like a book club or a ceramics class. I know all this is easier said than done, but it's worth giving it a shot. What you do is up to you, but if what you have been doing isn't working, then why not try something new?
i think you can do better i understand you were close but its just time to move on
That, my friend, is a self-centered bitch who doesn't know what's good for her. If she had some sense, she'd have stayed with you. If she had some honor, she would have at least made a clean cut and left you to your own devices.
You should leave her to her men with more self esteem and hope she finds someone so self-confident he thinks he has a right to beat her when he thinks she deserves it. It should work out great for both of them.
As for you, forget about her and find a lover more your speed. First love is special, and it's a shame it was wasted on some self-centered ho. Find someone who will respect you and appreciate you.
And it wouldn't hurt to grow some balls too. It can be a thin line to tread, but you can have metaphorical brass balls without being an ass. Don't try to change yourself for the girl, though. Fucking forget her, you're too nice for her. Do it for yourself.
Stick it in her pooper
?????
Profit
I'd say it's normal especially because you've never had any other relationship and sound like the sensitive type to me.
Well ... the thing is you will never ever spin your head around from what happened unless you take serious action. Namely - break up with her completely.
I know that will hurt. But it's lots better to suffer a lot for a while and then be able to get on with your life, and find another girl to complete it.
Yours is just slow agony and it really will end up bad if you don't stop seeing her. You have to get her out of your life - and anything that reminds you of her - at least until you prove yourself you can live without her.
Tell her you need to think about things over over some period of time. I'm sure she'll understand. I mean, she dropped you like a piece of hot coal because of your "low self-esteem". And there are people in love that go through cancer together.
Crime solved - not worth your time.
You've been crying over her long ago. Let her go. All she does now is cause you more heartbreak with new lads, ignoring the fact you still feel for her, and giving you that awful false hope.
Wrap it in a ribbon and send it back, my friend. It would also help if you just spilled your soul in front of her, tell her all you feel, even if you then ran for the heels. It sort of helps.
You sound nice. And, well, you deserve someone proper. x
I feel like ive been there and done that, not to those extremes, but i know where your coming from.
The only thing you can do is tell her how you feel, and how? Show her what you just wrote and talk it out.
You lived without her before, you can do it again. If it helps, doing something completely impulsive worked for me. Throw myself in "awkward" situations and force myself to talk to other people. You can change your outlook. Don't be depressed, dude. I know how depression and anxiety feel. It sucks, but I'm sure you can do it.
look lifes to short to be feeling like this and you've already wasted 4 years of your life being a baby so tell her how you feel tell her its all or nothing that you want to be with her if she says no then move on leave her behind
just never stop moving because when you stop you probably wont start again