Sperm Doner

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Whatever happened was before you were old enough to understand, and so you only know one side of the story.
Did you ever think that you might be better off with things like that?
What if you learn the truth and it makes you hate or distrust the people you have always loved? Would that be better?
If you were never born, would that be better?
Be happy with what you have. Concentrate on what's good and possible about life.

First off thanks for taking the time to comment on my post, you dont know how much it means to me.

what you described has already happened, to the point where my "father" called my mother to ask her if she could "call me off". This hurt her and I apologized, I don't talk to her about it anymore. in order for you to understand who this guy is better you should know that he offered my mom $400 1n 1975 has hushabortion money. so I have a good idea of who he is. My real interests lay in genetic information and yes holding him accountable.

the short of it is damage done and I truly believe I have endured the blunt of it, i have tried to be nice to him and give him "Time to ready himself" isn't 34 years enough? the funny part is that he never knew his father either. laughable

Its quite simple he doesnt want to see you so leave it alone. If he is a sperm doner as you say then that is all he is and doesnt want to be anything else

He's a sperm donor. People don't donate sperm because they want to be fathers. It's a highly noncommittal form of paternity and basically the absence of relationship is to be expected. He's being very clear that he doesn't accept you as family despite acknowledging your genetic relation. Keep tabs on him only enough that if you need an organ donor some day or something you know how to get in touch with him and his relatives. But don't expect any emotional or financial support from him. He never wanted to be your father - he has his own thing going on. You don't have a father, but don't worry. It's not about words like "father" and "mother," it's about love and caring. Appreciate the people who do love and care for you. Sometimes these people aren't even family.

It took a lot of courage to reach out like that. I think you will get health info you need and your mom may be able to help.

Sorry it didn't work out otherwise. He's done nothing wrong. And you knew it might not. But what you probably didn't know is just how awful you'd feel.

Give yourself time with those understandably painful feelings to eventually let go of the bitterness, hurt & anger. You may want to seek out some help doing so.

You took quite a risk finding him. You can also find peace and dignity.

PS - you might start with letting go of the revenge fantasy.

PSS - to other commentators: the use of the term "sperm donor" here is pejorative, not literal. His mother knew the man.

Just to clarify when I say "sperm Donner" I mean that He and my mom had sex, then he refused the responsibility. Not that I was a test tube baby, i was more like a bottle of Jack Daniels and lonely New Years eave baby.

Thanks Ollieo, you can count yourself as the second person in my life the first being my wife, to attempt to understand this situation. if you have any specific suggestions I would be very welcome to hear them, kool420@gmail.com

I have let go of most of the resentment, hurt and other destructive emotions surrounding this matter, however I still have no closure. Can't just let it go thats not how I'm built.

Thanks for caring about a complete stranger :)

I don't THINK he meant the term "sperm donor" literally. It's a term used to describe dead-beat fathers.

Oh sorry I see it has already been clarified. P.S. I'm sorry to hear that. People can be so cruel to their own blood.

Yes I regret titling this post "Sperm Donner" but that is what my mother has always called him. This Site and feed back from all of you has helped me to move on quite a bit. Up until the beginning of this post NO ONE would see it my way or see why I had a problem with my own father living in the same town as me, where he raised his other children and never once has he acknowledged me or sought me out. My new stance is "Fuck Him!!!" I'm pretty modest but after all I put myself through school earning a CIS degree, am an accomplished artist, do all my own handy/auto work and the list goes on. I am really not losing anything by not knowing him but he has lost out on an entire lifetime of watching me be a BAD ASS MUTHERFUKRR!

I owe most of this new stance to you guys especially those who looked at this situation and posted something to the effect of "Thats Fuked up, your DAD is a douche bag"

Thanks! Sometimes all we need is someone to agree with us in order to feel better about the shitty hand life deals us sometimes.

I knew my father until age 11. Then he cut off all contact. Only know that my mom has died has he tried to make contact. He has this other family to, kids younger than me, I am way middle age. He now want to be there and I do not want him there. He has a lot to do with me not trusting men. You can make family with good friends, a good church or a good org. Family does no have to be blood. Years agon when I felt the same way God sent me one good friend. Thank god and he has been the man I trust. I prayed for sucha friend and got one or I would be more bitter and more angry. Find and pray for one good person in your life and keep them. They are worht all the money on earth.

I try to make up for my father's mistakes by being a good man, father and husband. My kids take for granted that I am around and that makes me feel good. They will never have to make up examples of a good man as I had to be cause they have a good example in their home everyday.

Unfortunately if he does not want a relationship with you there is nothing you can do but move on. You could have your mom go to the court to force a paternity test and she may be able to get back child support. The courts could force him to pay up, but they won't force visits or a relationship that he doesn't want.

So I hope this teaches you not to have careless sex because it brings children into the world and puts them in hard places they don't deserve to be in.

Be glad you have a mom that loves you and dwell on that relationship.