I'm a 40 year old stepfather with a 16 year old stepdaughter. I'm finding, lateley, that I am getting attracted to her and having what I think are inappropriate (and illegal) thoughts about her.
I don't want to hurt her in any way, but I'm in need of her presence and strongly desire her attention. She's a very happy, content and well adjusted teen who seems to be pretty normal in most every way. She seems to not have any boys willing to step up to the plate and ask her out. I think she intimidates them with her strong personality. She's still a virgin to the best of my knowledge and there's the problem.
I can't stop thinking that if she's still a virgin when she turns 18, I'd like to be there for her. She'd likely never even remotely consider it and I don't like the incest idea, but she's beautiful, attractive and a great person, so what do I do?
13/M/ny
Your fantasies are okay, but best to leave them that way.
There is nothing wrong with her being an 18 year old virgin, and it is not your "duty" to "help" her out with it either.
She needs to date boys her age, who are not married to her relatives, or married at all.
Please understand I'm not judging you or trying to make you feel guilty, but pursuing her would be detrimental to everyone involved.
Without wishing to bring down the wrath of all the perverts out there, has anyone ever successfully dealt with this problem? I'm asking this question seriously. Please respond seriously. BTW, where in the world are all of you? USA? UK? Other?
I am in a similar situation only, I'm at the opposite end. My partner is sexually attracted to his ex-wife's daughter and he has openly admitted to me that he fantasises about her.
I don't judge him for having fantasies however, because he would actually love to "do" who he considers his daughter, it's hard for me to come to terms with.
As far as I know, he's never had sex with her however, there's times when my instincts beg to differ.
Alot of pain will be caused if you ever share this secret of yours with anyone. Best to keep it a fantasy and to keep it to yourself.
Another thing, do you really think your step-daughter would ask you to take her virginity, or it that wishful thinking on your part?
Hearing the bed squeek, their bodies slapping, and the moans from her drove me nuts. I laid there listening intently wanking myself off. I wanted so bad to get up and tell him to ram her for me. Then was the great time I could her her coming, then him saying he was, then I felt my own balls stirring. The 3 of us came at the same time.
A couple months later her and I takled abit about it. (She had split up with him and was seeing a new guy.) She did French kiss me but that is as far as we went, she told me she considered me a sher dad and that's as far as it could go!
I am sorry if I wasn't helpful.
My stepdaughter did aproach me first about this thing. I had wanted her for soo long. She would do things like walk around the house nude when she knew it was just us in the house. I thought about it alot and I tried like hell to fight my feelings. But in the end the animalistic side won out. Mostly because my steddaughter was begging me to do her in the shower. She busted in on me in the middle of my shower.
Afterward, I felt really bad like I was some kind of sick pervert who took advantage of her,or something. Then, I realized that she came on to me.
when her mom found out I thought she would be furious. She walked in on me and her daughter in the middle of doing something.
At first she looked hurt then after about 20 minutes she asked us how it began and what had transpired, in the end I wound up doing them both that night and have enjoyed them both ever since.
My wife and my stepdaughter both love me very much and I love them very much. Sure, there are some rough times just like any other relationship but that's how it goes.
In conclusion, I would tell you that unless your daughter approches you with this thing then you should just let it be. If she ain't into you and doin it with you then you will wind up all alone.
But you really should wait till she is of age to do anything. Then it is not illegal and you arent haveing sex with a minor
I can't believe I came across this.
My stepdaughter has turned 18. She has been my step for 10 years. The last 3 years our relationship has been really strained untill 6 months ago when I realized what was wrong. I was in love with her. Sexually attracted, totally want to be with her, when I wake up in the morning she is the first thing I think of....When we are in the same room I cannot take my eyes off her. My heart aches. I am depressed, afraid, embarresed, and totally cannot talk to anyone about this. I did come across a book "The Measure of a Man" by Shapiro. There is only one page but the auther mentions that it is not uncommon for dads to find their stepdaughters more atractive than the mother. But it does not elaberate.
I fantacize about her. I do not want to have a 'relation with her' I just fantacize about holding her and caressing her. I do fantacize about her body. Yes I have picked throught her bedroom door and saw her naked. My heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I have never felt about a woman what I am feeling with her. Not even when I was 18 and had hot 18 year old girls.
Thanks for listening and let me say this to someone. Some comments above where very helpful. The vulager comments from people about how sick we are, are not helpful.
I hope more people comment. I will come back. very nerous about posting this.
Since i travel for business all the time I'am only home on weekends and her Mother is usually studying and falls asleep in another room is it that she is just trying to spend time with me as her Father? Sometimes i feel like i need to LAY DOWN THE LAW and tell her to sleep in her room and not mine! but, i truly enjoy our conversations and time together.
I'am with you confussed Dad....Just really confussed.
I married my wife when I was 25 and she was 32 then...she's single mom to a 4-yr old girl. I was there when my stepdaughter grew up and now she's in her 20's. Yes, I started fantasizing her when she was 14. I knew that was wrong so I corrected my thoughts and focused on supporting her and her mom. I was able to give my wife any baby and my attention was focused on her daughter which I considered as my own. My daughter and I has this love-hate relationship because she's more at home with her mom. My wife died just last year and I took her to a dorm to continue her studies. Lately, I finds myself attracted to her and wanting to be with her always. I fell bad everytime we had an argument and wanting to leave her but I can't do it. I hate myself as well.
I let her ride with me on a motorbike and it really feels good when she holds me. I don't want to end every moment when I am with her. She sometimes go to my room to do her school research and I always take my camera phone and capture her on film. Lately, she's disgusted of me taking her pictures and videos and I am upset. I let her know that sometimes I feel upset when she doesn't weant to inform me her whereabouts.
She's a very sophisticated young woman, no interests in boys as of this moment and wanting to finish her studies. I want to be with her always... I want to give her everything she wants... I decided that she doesn't stay with me in one house because I don't know what will I do if we're staying in the same house. I tried to avoid thoughts of doing it with her but I am just a weak person.
Sometimes, I find myself fantasizing her in my bed... I saw her naked one time when I walked into our room and she's in front of the dresser all naked. She was shocked and hid herself with a blanket and I went out of the room feeling bad. I peeked on her before but felt bad again afterwards. I am with you, confuseddad... I just don't know what to do. Now, we're planning to move together someplace near her school because the company where she works part-time closed and she doesn't have any resources on her own. I am planning to get her live with me in the same house. I feel excited about it but the other half of me is scared. My question is "Is it okay to fall in love with her? and if it's okay, will she actually love me back with the same love I have for her?
Confuseddad, we're in the same boat...by the way, I am located here in the Philippines. Hope you can cope up with what ever struggles you're in right now. I am trying to with mine. More power to you!
i am glad to have found this post. i have been trying to find others who may be experiencing my situation. if someone chooses to reply to my posting, please do not make matters worse by throwing judgemental darts at me and others like me. it is counter-productive and unhelpful. i am simply trying to understand and deal with this aspect of being human.
i have a step-daughter that i inherited when i met her mother about 14 years ago. she was about 4. she is now 18 and we (my wife and i) just sent her off to college for the first time. the process brought many feelings to the surface which i did not know were there. hence, my seeking information about others.
for the last several months, our relationship has been strained at times and i could not understand why. as her departure date got closer, i became aware of this tremendous sense of loss. at first, i thought the problem was just that i was sexually attracted to her and this was causing friction. however, within a few weeks of her departure, i realised at least part of the cause: i had fallen in love with her and saw her departure as a rejection - which it may well be.
one of the recurring problems i face (and others, apparently) is that i really, really, really want to be the one to introduce her to the pleasures of the body (i am 99.9% certain she is virgin). at first, i thought it was just that she was young and hot looking (an 8 physically and a 9 with everything added together) and i was just your typical horny guy. but i am beginning to conclude that there is more to it because when i think about some other guy getting that honor (undeservedly, imho), i get very depressed. i imagine that i will be not-so-nice to any guys she may bring home (so far, she has not dated at all) because one of them might get there before me. i have no problem with other guys coming along after, but not before. they do not deserve it nor can they appreciate it. i am the one who has raised her and sheltered her and taught her some of life's lessons - not him. they (the other guys) can f*ck her all they want, but only after i get the opportunity to introduce her to the fun and pleasurable expreiences of sex first.
i know that some who read this will think, "that guy is really sick and perverted" or "he should be castrated" or "recondition him" as some have suggested above. but i think that a happy and healthy sex life is too important to stumble your way into with some rookie who is more interested in getting his rocks off than pleasing his partner. how many people out there have had rotten and unfulfilling sex for decades only to find out that there could have been so much more? do they not regret the wasted years? i do not want her to suffer that fate. life is too short. we should enjoy as much as we can for as long as we can.
i also have a profoundly strong love for her. when i think about having sex with her, it is with tenderness.
i have done the naked thing and the panty thing and the fantasy-during-sex-with-my-wife thing, but none of that has erased the overwhelming desire to be her first lover (really her second, since she is her first lover). it will probably never happen (the thought depresses me), but if it does, it will be because she and i both decide it will happen. she knows how i feel (my wife does not as far as i know) and currently is content to put the decision off to the future, but we still flirt with each other.
i am not so much confused by these feelings as unsure what to do about them. as stated, i have a very strong desire to be her first lover and i am not sure how i will respond if that does not happen. will i get severely depressed? will i become angry? redirection has not solved the dilemma and i cannot expect that it will go away on it's own.
What makes this worse is my wife constantly remarking how big my step daughters tits are ( 36-D). I really want to see them.
I keep fantasizing she will come to visit next fall and that the two of us are alone in the house. She then goes to take a shower, and I go in on the premise that I have to go pee.
I then mention how her mom keeps saying how big her tits are, and could I see them to verify. Well she agrees and then one thing leads to another and before I know it we are having sex.
Maybe if she visits sooner, I can "steal " one of her bras, and a pair of her panties and masterbate with them since I know having sex with her is morally wrong. However, if she is 18 and is consenting I don't see a problem with it.
What should I do about these feelings?
I am completely terrified of losing my wife,whom I love beyond my ability to express in words. I know that my marriage would be over if my wife found out how I feel. But, that doesnt change my feelings for her daughter. I catch myself watching her eat,sleep,listening to music even watching T.V.
Its good to know Im not alone out here.
I love her as my daughter but want her so bad.
i am sorry for ranting but i just found this sight and need to this off my chest .
whats so funny is five years ago she was just another kid for me to joke and make laugh i taught her to drive . but i realy think ihate her more than anything else in the world if any one can help me please do.
ps all you smart asses that are going to offer to take her off my hands leave a phone number i might consider it
To give a little background, I have been with my wife for 8 years, but we have only been married for 3. She has 4 daughters from a previous marriage and my wife is 8 years older than myself.I am 40. Three out of the four daughters are in their early to mid twenties and all are attractive in their own way. But one in particular I have felt a special bond with.
When this stepdaughter was about 17, I started noticing that she would parade around the house with only a towel after taking a shower and would sometimes make it a point to come sit next to me. I didn't try to think of perverted thoughts and brushed them aside if they did come as just being some typical guy. I noticed she only did this when no one else was around and I would usually find a reason to leave her presence so it wouldn't feel so awkward to me. As time went on, this decreased, so I think maybe it may have been a phase on her part that she had a crush on me even though I doubt that she would ever admit to it.
She moved out at 19 and since I travel frequently, I did not get to see her that much. Or the rest of my family for that matter. I have never been super close with her sisters, but I have loved them as my own trying to guide them as much as a stepfather can. But they all have nice figures and so the thought has crossed my mind once or twice. I freaked myself out just thinking about it. It felt awkward to me. Especially because of the bond I share personality wise with the one.
What brought on this bond was actually an argument that she and I had some years before but it made our relationship stronger. But lately, I have caught myself looking at my stepdaughter in a whole different light. She has since moved back in with us and I just want to stare at that incredible body that she has. One day, I came in to see her at her place of employment after being out of town for a long period of time. She ran over to me, kissed me on the mouth and asked "How are you, handsome?". She referred me as this a couple of times. Now I do not want to be reading into this, but I do not know of any daughters or stepdaughters that do that necessarily. She has also called me "Baby". Again, I do not want to assume anything, however....
One night I met her for a drink at a bar. She and I were talking about life and stuff and at one point she grabbed my hands and held them...but ever so briefly, I could tell it was more like an affectionate hold like handholding between a GF/BF or wife and husband but not as a stepdaughter to a stepfather. We both pulled away, I think thinking the same thing...that that should not have happened. She looked so good that I just wanted to tell her how I really felt about her but I could not. My heart just ached. I feel so weird about all of it. I want to be her father but at the same time I want to be with her. I think it would devastate her that I would even think these thoughts of her. And it would devastate my wife and our marriage. I am sure it would make my other step daughters feel uncomfortable too and cause so many problems internally among them as sisters because they are all very close.
I have come to terms with the fact that I may be in love with her from afar and that is all I can ever do. I will hate it when I hear of guys dating her. I will be extremely jealous and protective. In the meantime, I have been more affectionate with her sisters and making sure that I tell them that I love them when I see them so it does not look so one sided or that I play favorites. I do not think it looked very obvious to begin with, but just in case, I want to cover myself.
My wife can be very jealous and has commented in the past about my relationship with my stepdaughter even when it was completely innocent, so I have to make sure I appease her. Please to all, I love my wife...But lately I have been wanting to go in a different direction, down a path that she doesnt want to go. So part of this makes me think that maybe I am just going through a phase where I think I want a younger woman and that younger woman just happens to be my stepdaughter. I am not sick, perverted, or anything like that. I just struggle with this and am glad that I am not the only male who has encountered this issue.
Unless she makes the first move dont (trust me i threw out signs) and dont you ever tell anyone. you tell her mom its not just you she'll hate. because she could have prevented he feelings etc.
good luck...
As a father of a young girl it is your responsibility to give your daughter (even if she is not blood related) a healthy self image of herself and teach her what healthy realationships are. She is already going to have men/trust issues based on the fact that her biological father abandoned her, now her step father is teaching her that she is only a sexual object or that she will only be loved and accepted by a man if she is sleeping with him etc... AND you are supposed to be an example to her of what a husband is. You will be teaching her that a husband who sleeps with other women much less his wifes daughter is an acceptable partner and thats what love is. She will be dating/married to someone who will cheat on her and to her that will be normal and ok.
You will ruin her realationship with her mother. If the mom finds out she will likely resent her daughter and even if the mother never finds out the daughter will be guilt stricken by the fact that A: Her stepdad preffers her over her mother and B: She must be a horrible human if she let him act upon it and betrayed her own mother.
You are the main male figure in life, of course she is going to seek acceptance from you and she is finding that you love her more and are nicer to her (maybe not even conciously) when she goes around the house in little outfits shor skirts and no bra. You are conditioning her to act this way and it is her looking for love! Not her looking to get laid by her dad! She doesnt know better. You are teaching her that the only way she will be loved and accepted by men will be through her sexuallity... Honestly you are putting her on the right path if you want her to be a stripper or porn star who goes from one guy to the next, who stays in unhealthy and abusive realtionships with men.
Doing this will have such a negative impact on her self worth, self esteem and self image. If you LOVE her you will stay far away! And if your desire is getting out of control you need to seek professional help to teach you how to manage it properly. You need to be sure that you do not ruin a young girl for the rest of her life.
Now I need YOUR advice!! Out of all these responses yours sounds the best and the most relevant to me. I'm in a dilemma and wanted to ask you what exactly you did to get your step dads attention?
It would help me because, although, I don't have a step daughter, I am close friends with a neighbor who is a single mom and has a 14 year old daughter. I've known them for a few years, and have developed a crush on her daughter. I'm pretty certain that she does NOT look at me romantically because she's into her own friends, and especially boys. I do know, though, that she hangs out with older boys who are a bad influence on her and I think she may have dated a guy who is 23 and developed a crush on a different guy who is 23. So, if you tried to get your step dads attention romantically, what are some of the things that you did, or what are some of the signs that I should be looking for with her? Also, what are some of the things I could be doing, and signs that I could give her that I like her without being too obvious?
I doubt that she has any feelings for me at all because she's mostly not responsive to me, but I'm still just curious for information. Thanks for any advice or feedback that you could give me. If you're comfortable, please email me back at sentosa_tiger@yahoo.com with specifics. Thx.
I liked your comment as well. Feel free to send advice as well.
You too. I liked your note as well. Thx.