I'm a 40 year old stepfather with a 16 year old stepdaughter. I'm finding, lateley, that I am getting attracted to her and having what I think are inappropriate (and illegal) thoughts about her.
I don't want to hurt her in any way, but I'm in need of her presence and strongly desire her attention. She's a very happy, content and well adjusted teen who seems to be pretty normal in most every way. She seems to not have any boys willing to step up to the plate and ask her out. I think she intimidates them with her strong personality. She's still a virgin to the best of my knowledge and there's the problem.
I can't stop thinking that if she's still a virgin when she turns 18, I'd like to be there for her. She'd likely never even remotely consider it and I don't like the incest idea, but she's beautiful, attractive and a great person, so what do I do?
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Your fantasies are okay, but best to leave them that way.
There is nothing wrong with her being an 18 year old virgin, and it is not your "duty" to "help" her out with it either.
She needs to date boys her age, who are not married to her relatives, or married at all.
Please understand I'm not judging you or trying to make you feel guilty, but pursuing her would be detrimental to everyone involved.
Without wishing to bring down the wrath of all the perverts out there, has anyone ever successfully dealt with this problem? I'm asking this question seriously. Please respond seriously. BTW, where in the world are all of you? USA? UK? Other?
I am in a similar situation only, I'm at the opposite end. My partner is sexually attracted to his ex-wife's daughter and he has openly admitted to me that he fantasises about her.
I don't judge him for having fantasies however, because he would actually love to "do" who he considers his daughter, it's hard for me to come to terms with.
As far as I know, he's never had sex with her however, there's times when my instincts beg to differ.
Alot of pain will be caused if you ever share this secret of yours with anyone. Best to keep it a fantasy and to keep it to yourself.
Another thing, do you really think your step-daughter would ask you to take her virginity, or it that wishful thinking on your part?
Hearing the bed squeek, their bodies slapping, and the moans from her drove me nuts. I laid there listening intently wanking myself off. I wanted so bad to get up and tell him to ram her for me. Then was the great time I could her her coming, then him saying he was, then I felt my own balls stirring. The 3 of us came at the same time.
A couple months later her and I takled abit about it. (She had split up with him and was seeing a new guy.) She did French kiss me but that is as far as we went, she told me she considered me a sher dad and that's as far as it could go!
I am sorry if I wasn't helpful.
My stepdaughter did aproach me first about this thing. I had wanted her for soo long. She would do things like walk around the house nude when she knew it was just us in the house. I thought about it alot and I tried like hell to fight my feelings. But in the end the animalistic side won out. Mostly because my steddaughter was begging me to do her in the shower. She busted in on me in the middle of my shower.
Afterward, I felt really bad like I was some kind of sick pervert who took advantage of her,or something. Then, I realized that she came on to me.
when her mom found out I thought she would be furious. She walked in on me and her daughter in the middle of doing something.
At first she looked hurt then after about 20 minutes she asked us how it began and what had transpired, in the end I wound up doing them both that night and have enjoyed them both ever since.
My wife and my stepdaughter both love me very much and I love them very much. Sure, there are some rough times just like any other relationship but that's how it goes.
In conclusion, I would tell you that unless your daughter approches you with this thing then you should just let it be. If she ain't into you and doin it with you then you will wind up all alone.
But you really should wait till she is of age to do anything. Then it is not illegal and you arent haveing sex with a minor
I can't believe I came across this.
My stepdaughter has turned 18. She has been my step for 10 years. The last 3 years our relationship has been really strained untill 6 months ago when I realized what was wrong. I was in love with her. Sexually attracted, totally want to be with her, when I wake up in the morning she is the first thing I think of....When we are in the same room I cannot take my eyes off her. My heart aches. I am depressed, afraid, embarresed, and totally cannot talk to anyone about this. I did come across a book "The Measure of a Man" by Shapiro. There is only one page but the auther mentions that it is not uncommon for dads to find their stepdaughters more atractive than the mother. But it does not elaberate.
I fantacize about her. I do not want to have a 'relation with her' I just fantacize about holding her and caressing her. I do fantacize about her body. Yes I have picked throught her bedroom door and saw her naked. My heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I have never felt about a woman what I am feeling with her. Not even when I was 18 and had hot 18 year old girls.
Thanks for listening and let me say this to someone. Some comments above where very helpful. The vulager comments from people about how sick we are, are not helpful.
I hope more people comment. I will come back. very nerous about posting this.
Since i travel for business all the time I'am only home on weekends and her Mother is usually studying and falls asleep in another room is it that she is just trying to spend time with me as her Father? Sometimes i feel like i need to LAY DOWN THE LAW and tell her to sleep in her room and not mine! but, i truly enjoy our conversations and time together.
I'am with you confussed Dad....Just really confussed.
I married my wife when I was 25 and she was 32 then...she's single mom to a 4-yr old girl. I was there when my stepdaughter grew up and now she's in her 20's. Yes, I started fantasizing her when she was 14. I knew that was wrong so I corrected my thoughts and focused on supporting her and her mom. I was able to give my wife any baby and my attention was focused on her daughter which I considered as my own. My daughter and I has this love-hate relationship because she's more at home with her mom. My wife died just last year and I took her to a dorm to continue her studies. Lately, I finds myself attracted to her and wanting to be with her always. I fell bad everytime we had an argument and wanting to leave her but I can't do it. I hate myself as well.
I let her ride with me on a motorbike and it really feels good when she holds me. I don't want to end every moment when I am with her. She sometimes go to my room to do her school research and I always take my camera phone and capture her on film. Lately, she's disgusted of me taking her pictures and videos and I am upset. I let her know that sometimes I feel upset when she doesn't weant to inform me her whereabouts.
She's a very sophisticated young woman, no interests in boys as of this moment and wanting to finish her studies. I want to be with her always... I want to give her everything she wants... I decided that she doesn't stay with me in one house because I don't know what will I do if we're staying in the same house. I tried to avoid thoughts of doing it with her but I am just a weak person.
Sometimes, I find myself fantasizing her in my bed... I saw her naked one time when I walked into our room and she's in front of the dresser all naked. She was shocked and hid herself with a blanket and I went out of the room feeling bad. I peeked on her before but felt bad again afterwards. I am with you, confuseddad... I just don't know what to do. Now, we're planning to move together someplace near her school because the company where she works part-time closed and she doesn't have any resources on her own. I am planning to get her live with me in the same house. I feel excited about it but the other half of me is scared. My question is "Is it okay to fall in love with her? and if it's okay, will she actually love me back with the same love I have for her?
Confuseddad, we're in the same boat...by the way, I am located here in the Philippines. Hope you can cope up with what ever struggles you're in right now. I am trying to with mine. More power to you!
What makes this worse is my wife constantly remarking how big my step daughters tits are ( 36-D). I really want to see them.
I keep fantasizing she will come to visit next fall and that the two of us are alone in the house. She then goes to take a shower, and I go in on the premise that I have to go pee.
I then mention how her mom keeps saying how big her tits are, and could I see them to verify. Well she agrees and then one thing leads to another and before I know it we are having sex.
Maybe if she visits sooner, I can "steal " one of her bras, and a pair of her panties and masterbate with them since I know having sex with her is morally wrong. However, if she is 18 and is consenting I don't see a problem with it.
What should I do about these feelings?
I am completely terrified of losing my wife,whom I love beyond my ability to express in words. I know that my marriage would be over if my wife found out how I feel. But, that doesnt change my feelings for her daughter. I catch myself watching her eat,sleep,listening to music even watching T.V.
Its good to know Im not alone out here.
I love her as my daughter but want her so bad.
i am sorry for ranting but i just found this sight and need to this off my chest .
whats so funny is five years ago she was just another kid for me to joke and make laugh i taught her to drive . but i realy think ihate her more than anything else in the world if any one can help me please do.
ps all you smart asses that are going to offer to take her off my hands leave a phone number i might consider it
Unless she makes the first move dont (trust me i threw out signs) and dont you ever tell anyone. you tell her mom its not just you she'll hate. because she could have prevented he feelings etc.
good luck...
Now I need YOUR advice!! Out of all these responses yours sounds the best and the most relevant to me. I%%u2019m in a dilemma and wanted to ask you what exactly you did to get your step dads attention?
It would help me because, although, I don%%u2019t have a step daughter, I am close friends with a neighbor who is a single mom and has a 14 year old daughter. I%%u2019ve known them for a few years, and have developed a crush on her daughter. I%%u2019m pretty certain that she does NOT look at me romantically because she%%u2019s into her own friends, and especially boys. I do know, though, that she hangs out with older boys who are a bad influence on her and I think she may have dated a guy who is 23 and developed a crush on a different guy who is 23. So, if you tried to get your step dads attention romantically, what are some of the things that you did, or what are some of the signs that I should be looking for with her? Also, what are some of the things I could be doing, and signs that I could give her that I like her without being too obvious?
I doubt that she has any feelings for me at all because she%%u2019s mostly not responsive to me, but I%%u2019m still just curious for information. Thanks for any advice or feedback that you could give me. If you%%u2019re comfortable, please email me back at sentosa_tiger@yahoo.com with specifics. Thx.
I liked your comment as well. Feel free to send advice as well.
You too. I liked your note as well. Thx.
Fortunately for me she rarely falls asleep in my bed any more, and when she does she awakes to me whispering (not touching!) and goes to her room right away.
I stare at her sweet little figure and fantasize about her all the time. For several years my wife has been unable to participate in a real sex life due to chronic illness--last year we had sex 4 times--but I still find her extremely attractive. The problem is, I find my stepdaughter even more attractive. All I can do about any of it, is hide my feelings to them and masturbate a lot.
I hope the OP and everyone else finds a resolution to this issue; I hope I do, too.
It all happened to me too, i did terrible things, to myself, and to my stepdaughter.
The look in her eyes, the tears, doing what i told her to do, and hating myself for pushing her in a way she was not meant to be pushed. I wanted to hang myself, planned everything to make the feelings finally go away, but she told me not to do that, because i leave her alone, my wife, my daughter, friends and family. For what? Sex with a child? Risking everything? How tempting it can be?
It is still very f***ing hard to me, even at knife's point she stops me. She has threatened me that she'd leave and live with her own dad but she does not want to leave, me, her mom and little sister.
So, the choice i had was:
1) Do everything i wanted and dream about doing to her, tied up, sucking and every thing else and kill myself after... or
2) Bite my tongue, hit myself with a hammer in the head, cut myself just to lose those feelings of love for her.
Love which is naturally but not possible.
So i promised her that she would not have anything to deal with my feelings, anymore, unless she wants something from me. But that is still so far away, fortunately.