Stepfathers beware nobody is immune

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23 Comments

Thanks for sharing your story.
And i'm glad you realise what you did was wrong.

If you want some REAL good advice, I suggest you seek some psychological help. Find a psychiatrist as soon as you can. Maybe you can get to the bottom of this problem, why it happened, and what steps to take from there to begin some kind of true healing.

In your defense, you may have seen her is a blossoming young woman. Quite appealing to you and over 18 years of age. So you're not as sick as you think. But you are obviously suffering a breakdown of some kind, and you need some professional help to get you over this. The valium is only offering you a false sense of relief. Find a psychiatrist to help you out.

Hmmm. Interesting. Well, I'm glad you realize the error of your ways, btw, you mentioned wanting to teach her about the birds and the bees, AFTER the age of 18? (Most girls have sex by then, but okay) unless you weren't going with the original list of things you did and backtracked a bit.

I think this is SO NOT normal, and I'd be surprised if your wife doesn't divorce you, true, it'd be worse if you were her biological father, but she trusted you, trusted you enough to not do exactly what you did.

Normal. Of course you want to fuck her, she is the daughter of and very similar to a woman that you have obviously had a big attraction to in the past. Now that she is not a too little girl anymore you see that ass and you just wanna dive in. What you did was wrong, it seemed very creepy to her, she woke up with her step dad trying to touch her!
My suggestion to anyone else in this situation is not to be stupid like the poster,but to put out some signs to your step daughter, see if she follows them, make her want you and make her start the touching and then enjoy slamming her all over the place for years. If she dosent follow just give up on it, go and find a young hooker to drop your load on.

i went through something similar... me being the daughter figure... theres no way you're going to reverse what you've done... you violated her in one of her most vulnerable states.. when she's sleeping... to this day i can't sleep or use the restroom until im 100% sure the doors are locked..

I have a stepdaughter (sd) now 20yrs old but have known her since 4. I made advances on her while my wife was away 2 yrs ago ..she slept with me that night and while i was holding her i started touching her sexually which caused her to runoff to another room
..ever since i have lost all trust, father figure, and loyalty as her dad. To complicate matters she made tell her mom what i did or else she would tell it herself. Which i did and it almost cost me my marriage ..luckily we pulled back up out of it ..how?
Some of the Problems :
1. I really misunderstood her trust as sexual attentions
2. I thought that she felt the same way i felt about her (sexually)
3. I took advantage of the relationship which was secretly family and made sexual advances
4. She saw me as her dad, role model, security, trust, etc & i saw her as an sex object
5. I also forfeit my marriage for my lust
6. I discarded my relationship with my loving wife for my fantasy
7. And everything i lived for (my family) was threaten because i was selfish
Long story short ..my wife wanted to have a limited relationship with me. Meaning i could live at home as a figure for the rest of the kids sake until we really decide what would happen. But since than i have made changes to my life that convinced her i was changing for the best
Changes made:
1. Talked to prof counselling
2. Open about my feelings (talk to my wife about my fantasy) it hard but it harder when you have to pick up the pieces after you ruin it
3. Be honest, don't lie
4. A loving and supportive wife (and family)
5. Forgiveness
6. Priorities what's important to you (family) and work on strengthening it

If your here its either you want support to continue doing it and feeding your fantasy or you really wanna find help ..im writing in support of the second choice ..it might feel good but the consequences is devastating both for you and your loved ones

hope you'll do the right thing

Yes I do understand that what i did was very wrong. and should not have happened at all.

Well after seeing a counceller Things were not getting better. I went to the Gp and got a referal to see a Psychiatrist who has put me on medication. I feel much betterand can get on with life. Not everything is back to normal but I am sure time will fix everything.

As I did mention in my mail we had the best father daughter relationship, which is not there anymore and i regret it because I am the cause. As i said the family has gone through it problems, real big problems. And yes she is 18 and still a virgin

I feel very sorry for you and know that my stepdaughter must feel exactly the same. I feel like a real animal. But it was not always the same with me and her we had the perfect father and daughter relationship too. I am relly looking for some help on trying to fix the problem. the psychiatrist told me that time will heal everything. But I think not this. Can you shed anymore light on the isue

I have been through the whole issue cause thing were just getting worse. and things were just getting hard to handle. the family almost broke up. just because of one foolish incident. I do hope things will get better soon. 2009 has been the worst year for me so far in my entire life.

well, i'm not sure. there might be a chance for things to get better with you. only if you feel true remorse. my issue was an almost daily thing that started when i was around 10. it doesn't happen anymore since i'm very careful. he always told me it was my fault too, which i believed for a very long time. but other than that, i don't know what else to say.

I have never once blamed her for what happened, I always blamed myself for letting things go so far. Anyway after the medication and a number of sessions. I have got better. The thing that really hurt me was that she left the house to live with her father, I felt that i have hurt 4 people with a stupid mistake,my son , my wife, my stepdaughter and my self, It has been a real tuff 5 months. But finaly we have resolved our issues and are living together as a family. I hope that one day you will find the same peacein your heart too

This is a great example about how common support systems like Medical and Psychological practitioners do more harm than good.

You don't require cognitive behavioral therapy, and you don't require drugs or even counseling.

Being attracted to members of the opposite sex in their prime is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NORMAL. In fact, I would go as far to say that it is ABNORMAL to NOT be attracted to a person under these circumstances.

The only issue here is that you acted on the temptation. This is an innocent enough mistake which has, unfortunately, spiraled out of control into something much larger and more psychologically complex. Not so much because it IS complex or psychologically damaging, but because everyone involved thinks it should be.

As for everyone's advice, I have to respectfully dismiss it and say that, in my personal opinion, it will be much healthier and productive for you to go on living life without expensive drugs and time consuming therapy sessions which only serve to remind you of your mistake, and to simply exercise more discipline in the future.

life is too short to beat yourself up over something that nobody would have noticed 200 years ago (not saying its permissible, merely pointing out the highly contextual nature of the incident).

SDO

It is not an innocent mistake - as the writer above suggests - it is a mistake that hurt an innocent. There is a victim here who's most basic and fundamental trust in a father figure was violated.

Yes he feels remorse - but do not let that overshadow, or supplant, who the actual victim is here. And I hope this poster appreciates that however bad he may feel, she feels worse, and is the main person injured.

I greatly sympathise with your situation. I don't really know what to say. She will probably find it hard to forgive you. She may not talk to you now, but my only advice is give her the space that she needs BUT be there when she needs you the most.

She's only 18, there are lots of potential problems coming her way. Rotten boyfriends, deciding which graduate school to go to, finding a job, buying a new home with husband, taking care of her children, sending them to school and possibly other things. She's feeling this way at the moment primarily because she's living in the same house with you and she feels scared that you might do the same thing again. When she starts living out of home and becoming independent, she may find the heart to forgive you then. In the meantime, be there for her when she needs you and we'll see what happens next. Remember, this is the ONLY way you can redeem yourself. There is no other way.

I am not quite so sympathetic. Look - this guy sexually assaulted his step-daughter. Notice there is no mention of criminal charges, even though if this had been done to anyone else - awake or asleep - that is what he would be facing. His family, I gather, has let him off the hook that far - and that is quite far.

Boo hoo all you want about immunity, birds and bees, and animal instincts - what you did was criminal. There is a victim.

I believe you would know better of what you are saying, and it might be right. All i know is that I was losing control over the situation and have been seeing a psychiatrist and have been on the medications since. Things are better at home my step daughter has moved back and things are normal, this is all I want and all I pray for.

You are exactly right as to what you say, I deserve everything you have suggested. At the time of the incident I comprehended on all your suggestions, that is how I felt. But there are other things that had to be considered, I have a young son who is Autisticand other family memberwho rely on my income. I am 46 and as earlier mentioned these have been the worst 6 months in my entire life. I have never been the kind of person. The only reason I put this on the website is to warn other stepfathers before thing went wrong. If I could just save one from the trouble I would be happy. As you will read in my other post we are a happy family once again.

Yes she has and we are living as a happy family again. Thanks

Wow, honestly that is sick and illegal and you need to get mental help. You could end up raping someone next time your urges take you over. Get some self control man!!!!

I really don't get this one? Okay, let me start by saying I'm kind of apathetic to your emotional woes, but I feel a little bit of sympathy. I feel very sympathetic towards your stepdaughter.

I have a stepdad and I couldn't even imagine what I would do if he ever acted that way, though my relationship with him is not very father-daughterly. By that I mean I don't have much familial affection or daughterly affection towards him.

I read the other comments and what really piques my interest is that this is not an isolated case. What compelled you to do that? I mean, I understand about sexual urges and so on. Maybe you're unfulfilled in your relationship with your wife? Either way, this is... I don't know. It's sick, to be honest.

Even if you had had the impression that your stepdaughter was remotely interested in you (which would not happen if you were her father-figure), you can NEVER ACT OUT ON IT. This IS incest! I mean... what. Are men really so weak-willed? What? I'm not gonna lie, in my many years of masturbation I've fantasized about a lot of 'sick' things, but that's... those are never, ever, ever something that I would consider acting out in real life.

Lack of self-control, man. You don't need meds, you need self-control. Your stepdaughter will never really forgive you, I hope you understand that.