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Still Grieving after all These Years
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Seven years ago, my brother's wife and their three daughters were driving to visit another friend out of state. They'd hardly gone more than a few miles out of town before his wife inexplicably veered off the road and into an embankment, crashing about 150 feet from the top of the highway. No one was properly belted, and everyone in the car received injuries. The middle child was the most severely injured, however, and was taken to the hospital with serious head injuries. She never regained consciousness and died approximately one week later.

My sister-in-law was never able to explain to my brother or to the police why she left the road, and she was cited for reckless driving. While no one feels that she caused the accident intentionally, her behavior is difficult to understand. And since she passed away herself several years ago, we obviously will never know precisely what happened that afternoon.

My brother has never fully recovered from the loss of his daughter, who was only 11. I feel that he uses her death as an excuse to remain stagnant in life. He remains under-employed and lonely, and has difficulty forming new friendships and keeping active. I know that grieving is different for each person, but seven years is quite a long time to be paralyzed by such sorrow. Is there anything I can tell him or suggest to him that might help him to move on? Thanks.
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Comments (23)
maybe he is suffering from clinical depression, or just an intense feeling of the futility of life exacerbated by his grief. These are both normal, and able to be overcome. It could help him to maybe see a grief counselor or join in a group of others who've also lost children.
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I don't think you can really SAY anything. your actions will speak louder than words.. no strip clubs or weed.. why don't you take him to someone profesional he can talk to.

you cant expect a miracle or anything to happen over night but the wait will be worth it.

I think he got so used to bein sad, its taken over his life and he's been like it for so long its hard to get out.

as for greif, some people grieve their whole lives... some probably worse than your brother.
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it's called "Survivors Guilt" or PTSD have him see a counselor. PTSD can result from rape, domestic violence, death in the family, car accidents etc. just love him and help him
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my uncle passed away when he was 17, nearly 40 years ago and my grandmother still visits his grave every week with new flowers and still blames moving to this country on him passing away. i dont think parents ever really get over losing a child. i hope he still shows love and affection to his other children because my grandmother doesnt. she is so screwed up over it that she says to my dad that she wishes it was him that passed and not his brother. its probably a good idea that he talks to a doctor about ways to cope with the loss so he doesnt eventually lose his mind over it.
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sad truth, he will never fully get over it, it will eventually get better tho.
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Hi there,

I don't know you or your brother except for what you have told me, so I will try to help you as best as I can.

The loss of a child is arguably the most devastating thing that can happen to anyone. The pain that he feels must be excruciatingly agonizing even after all these years. Your brother will move on at his own pace. He may never move on and you will have to accept that. As his sibling, just remember to be there for him and help him whenever you can.
To you , seven years might not seem like a long time, but for those who have lost a child, it is merely the beginning of an eternity of suffering.
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Hey everybody, What about the person who posted this.
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He's been grieving long enough. I understand that he misses his child but she would want him to be happy. Tell him that and tell him thatgoing on with your life doesn't meen you forget the people that are gone.
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sorry you and your brother have to go through this, everyone deals with grief differently. but at least you still have your each other. Thank God for that and remind him that your there for him dont let him isolate himself from the rest of the world. you two should get together and spend an afternoon together or something like that, let him know that your there for him if he'l be there for you. thats what familys for, and besides it sounds like both of you need someone more than ever right now. so try to stick together, and maybe things will begin to clear up. i hope so, nobody deserves depression. i wish the best of luck to both you and your brother.
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You are not the right person to help him since you obviously haven't a clue what grieving is. Suggest he see a counselor.
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Be with him, dnt replace his daughters/wife any time soon.. When he is ready he will go back to normal
Hope that helped..
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Umm as you can see,
a site like this: full of immature heartless kids,
isn't the place to ask for advice.

See a councelor, stay strong, God Bless.
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Im so sorry for your loss it sounds like you are losing your brother as well im very sorry but i agree with aberzombie ask him if hed go to counseling with u
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It will take for ever to get over it you can't put a time line on grief it took me fifteen years to become functional again after I lost a loved one in a traffic accident but it will take the help of a professional and faith
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dont push him, it will take years maybe even forever. my mum lost a baby, 13 years later she still remembers and cries sometimes- just leave him be and try to comfort him whenever possible.
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yes... grief can last through your whole life at some level in these cases. loss of a child or someone dearly loved is the most difficult. maybe counseling is best, but it takes time... if he feels responsible in any way this will make it much harder.
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if he has a big family, hes safe. i have just a mum and dad , who are ill- and have lost my family myself through my aunty dying and fighting about the will. he needs support somehow, maybe concelling ? he'll take along time probably, but it'l happen one day. chin up to you and your family :) xxxxxxxx
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I can understand you concerns. I lost my mum 7 years ago (within 6 weeks of hearing she had cancer) and I took it very badly, I was no good to any of my kids or husband for at least a year, even down to cooking dinner. I once served dog food up for dinner, just simply cos I wasnt aware of what I was doing.
Since then I have lost my marriage and my home and its only now 7 years later I can honestly say 'yes I'm getting over it'.
So what your brother is going through, god only knows!!
compared to losing a mum (you sort of expect your mum to die in your lifetime mind not at the age of 59yrs) but too lose a child. All I can say is that it does take a lot of time and it is different for everyone.
My heart goes out to you and your family and I really hope things work out soon for you all xx
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buy a big bag of weed and smoke 2 joints at a time in 3 hour intervals. Always cheers me right up :)
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take him to a strip club, buy him a prostitue. He'll be as happy as a clam :)
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All he needs to do is make friends and consume lots of alcohol. Should work.
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