Since I was a child, I have always thought about killing myself. Some thoughts came from sadness, which is a normal thought if you are really sad (and we all get over that eventually) but the concerning part is, even when I am really happy, I still think about killing myself.
For some reason, I have never liked the idea of living. I've always welcomed death, and enjoyed the thought of it, no matter what my mood was.
Maybe I wasn't meant to live and this is some subconscious point of me telling myself that I am supposed to die.
Or maybe I'm just not normal?
For some reason, I have never liked the idea of living. I've always welcomed death, and enjoyed the thought of it, no matter what my mood was.
Maybe I wasn't meant to live and this is some subconscious point of me telling myself that I am supposed to die.
Or maybe I'm just not normal?
.I have no friends
.I hate my school
.my familuy fights
FML
Well, we're all going to die. No need to rush it. Your turn will come soon :)
I don't know if many people feel the same way as you though, sorry.
To the poster,
Please get help. I tried to kill myself once, have suffered with this all my life too, even when having happy days, I tend to make jokes about jumping off bridges and blowing my brains out which nobody really understands at all. Deep inside, although joking about it, I really feel that way. It scares the crap out of me as I totally fear death. Having tried to kill myself via overdose of anti depressents no less, I can tell you right now that after being forced back by my mother who made me drink loads of salty water and forced me to vomit it all up before the paramedics arrived - I felt worse than ever, the guilt was incredibly painful as I felt I'd let everyone down, including myself. I even vowed never to say that again, let alone attempt it or allow myself to think it. How wrong was I to make such outlandish promises. Then, last year October, I had a routine op, and almost lost my life due to asthma and anaesthetic, I fought so long and hard just to breathe and remember the event with moments of stunning clarity. Hearing them remark on how blue I was and how they were losing me, etc, counting up my saturation, being grateful just to breathe again eventually and for a period of 2 days, being stunningly happy to be alive; then suddenly I crashed down again and often think of just ending it all. Trust me, this is not healthy, not normal and you must seek help for your condition. Btw, this can be hereditary.
God knows you though, every thought, every feeling, every fear. You may not believe that but then I think that's why you feel the way you do. When you haven't found the meaning of life, feeling nothing can seem like an attractive option. Hope you find it :)