I died for 30 seconds when I was two years old, my mother was blamed unfairly for my own stupidity, and I was raised by my father and grandparents.
My father was in Vietnam, and suffers heavily from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He felt I was all he had left in life. As such, I was kept in a bubble, not allowed to go outside, not allowed to make friends. If anyone came over to play, they were sent away.
I became quite the scholar and geek, even at a young age. I developed a 187 IQ, and was reading on a college level by the age of 8. Despite this, I developed quite the inferiority complex, that I wasn't good enough for anyone else.
My grandfather was the emotional rock of the family. When he died, at the age of 14, it came to me to be the emotional rock for my father and grandmother, who I also then had to take care of alone, since my father is disabled.
High school was incredibly tough, with me relating more to the books than to the other students. I was shunned, beaten up, and despite it all, abused due to my trusting nature.
I went to college when I was 16. I eventually gained my Computer Technology degree and became A+ Certified as a technician, and even got a vocational degree for Computer Service and Repair.
It is also important to note that I am a huge tabletop fan. Dungeons and Dragons, I play numerous video games, know tons of trivia for movies, television, and music.
I live in a state placed firmly in the Bible Belt, in a town which is basically a retirement community full of churches and the elderly. The people my age drink and do drugs, neither of which I would ever do. I do not smoke either, though it doesn't bother me as much. The rest of the town shuns me.(I'm more of a Univeralist Buddhist Christian Scientist.)
I cannot move out of this house, because if I do leave, my grandmother and father will rot and die, as the rest of my family will not take care of them in the slightest.
I refuse to send them to a nursing home. As badly as I was treated, they deserve better.
I have no friends at all. Online, I sound like a pompous jerk, which I do not mean to. I just have a sarcastic sense of humor. The only place that has people of my hobbies, interests and personality, are 70 miles away.
I have often felt suicidal, yet my logical brain will not allow me to do anything about it.
I feel selfish. In order for me to live my own life, I have to practically end two others. And I have too much of a loving heart to do that to them.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My father was in Vietnam, and suffers heavily from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He felt I was all he had left in life. As such, I was kept in a bubble, not allowed to go outside, not allowed to make friends. If anyone came over to play, they were sent away.
I became quite the scholar and geek, even at a young age. I developed a 187 IQ, and was reading on a college level by the age of 8. Despite this, I developed quite the inferiority complex, that I wasn't good enough for anyone else.
My grandfather was the emotional rock of the family. When he died, at the age of 14, it came to me to be the emotional rock for my father and grandmother, who I also then had to take care of alone, since my father is disabled.
High school was incredibly tough, with me relating more to the books than to the other students. I was shunned, beaten up, and despite it all, abused due to my trusting nature.
I went to college when I was 16. I eventually gained my Computer Technology degree and became A+ Certified as a technician, and even got a vocational degree for Computer Service and Repair.
It is also important to note that I am a huge tabletop fan. Dungeons and Dragons, I play numerous video games, know tons of trivia for movies, television, and music.
I live in a state placed firmly in the Bible Belt, in a town which is basically a retirement community full of churches and the elderly. The people my age drink and do drugs, neither of which I would ever do. I do not smoke either, though it doesn't bother me as much. The rest of the town shuns me.(I'm more of a Univeralist Buddhist Christian Scientist.)
I cannot move out of this house, because if I do leave, my grandmother and father will rot and die, as the rest of my family will not take care of them in the slightest.
I refuse to send them to a nursing home. As badly as I was treated, they deserve better.
I have no friends at all. Online, I sound like a pompous jerk, which I do not mean to. I just have a sarcastic sense of humor. The only place that has people of my hobbies, interests and personality, are 70 miles away.
I have often felt suicidal, yet my logical brain will not allow me to do anything about it.
I feel selfish. In order for me to live my own life, I have to practically end two others. And I have too much of a loving heart to do that to them.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
HotChickie81, you found an excellent job. I hope things continue to improve for you. May you find what you seek from life itself. And may we all help one another in the duality of social interaction through our common bond, personal strife. To quote the American Congress in 1776, "E Pluribus Unum", or "Out Of Many, One".
Unintentionally Ignorant, you make many valid points. I see where you are coming from on many of them. I must say, if there is anything I can do to lend assistance, to either of you, please let me know. I hope only the best for you, and that your struggle comes easily, as though slicing through a kobold with a broadsword.
Thank you. It means so much to hear from all of you.
They are GROWN people.They have to let you live life.They will destroy you from the inside out because they don't realize they are doing it.
Once the "bubble" is bursted there is going to be ALOT of CRAP that happens.But man,it's inevitable.You are smart enough to know what you are supposed to,and supposed to not do.The issue is "trust".You must protect yourself in new ways,learning not to let people take advantage of you and stick up for yourself.
My honest advice is to get out there,and not let this stop you.Because life waits for no one.
Don't depend on anyone.Do your own thing.Be strong,and you will make it.I swear.
-I wish you well!
Can you talk to them about this issue? You needn't abandon them, but I do find that people are often more self-sufficient when they must be, as you are, and given too much help can become accustomed to being lazy or weak. They may be capable of supporting themselves more than you give them credit for. By all means, do not abandon them, but you should be able to find a way to continue to love and support them without being a martyr.
And seek couseling. You've been living in a very warped situation and it has skewed your perspective perhaps even more than you can realize. A therapist can also help you improve your social skills, though ultimately you must do the legwork.
I hope things get better for you. The good thing about this site is a lot of us can relate to one another, and we can chat back an forth, so it seems like a nice little community.
Again, good luck. And remember, people on here do care about you! :)
May your blade be sharp ;D