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Ugly-Duckling Syndrome
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For those of you who don't know, Ugly Duckling Syndrome is where a really beautiful girl doesn't know she is beautiful because she was an unattrative as a child but blossomed into a beautiful young woman. This is a serious problem. These "ugly ducklings" are often very nice girls because they were ugly as kids, not the attractive kids who made fun of the ugly ones. I know this girl who is an ugly duckling. She's 18 and definitely a ten with a very nice body that's filled out quite nicely in all the right places. But she keeps dating these ass ugly weird looking guys. I'm an attractive guy btw, or so I've been told, and want to get her to go out with me but my friend told me since she was an ugly duckling there is a good chance she is intimidated by me because she doesn't think she is pretty. What is a good tactful way to tell a girl she has Ugly Duckling Syndrome and to tell her to stop dating these ugly guys because she could pretty much get any guy she wanted. I don't know why but this is driving me crazy.
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Comments (78)
cabinet70
She has probably been teased so much that she looks for other qualities in people besides looks you should try the same thing I think
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I could not agree more.
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Ollieo
You shouldn't date this girl because you do not respect her - rather - you see her as a pathetic; and yourself as someone she SHOULD be flattered to have anywhere near her. What arrogant BS.

Take you pseudo psychology and blow it out your ear.
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@: Ollieo
I concur.
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Gee, maybe personality does count for something! I bet the guys she dates now are really nice and the important thing to consider here is that she obviously finds them attractive... Maybe she knows from her schooldays that guys like you are generally jerks - you wouldn't have bothered with her when she was an 'Ugly-Duckling' now would you boi?! Go find some moronic bimbo who has always been a moronic bimbo and loves herself to pieces; I'm sure you two will be very happy together.
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Maybe she feels like she has more in common with people who are not as pigheadedly shallow as you.
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i'd consider myself one of these "ugly duckling" girls, and coming from someone who would know, i think most girls like this grow up caring more about a person's character and personality rather than their looks. even if she cares a lot about her own looks when she becomes "attractive" (as i do), she still might not give a shit when about other's looks when it comes to finding a boyfriend or friends..etc.
she probably can see through people's bullshit better and doesn't care that they're hot, if they're assholes.
not saying you're an asshole 'cos i don't know you, but you should be aware that these types of girls tend to be more into a guy's personality than anything else, and looks is just a plus.
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i had a guy tell me this once

fuck.you
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lmao u sound like u r very up urself... did it not occur to u that u dnt have to be ugly to be a nice person. she probably gets to know the guys and likes them for ther personality not just ther looks. and maybe u have the opposit of ugly duckling syndrome... maybe u think ur hot but in reality ur not... and it sounds like u dnt have a nice personality either... so of course shes gna go for the slightly unnattractive guy with a gr8 personality over the slightly unnattractive guy with a bad personality. (thats u btw)
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Maybe she knows she is attractive, and chooses to be with the ugly guys, because she likes them for who they are, NOT what they look like. And maybe those 'ugly' guys are attractive to her!
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Hmmm ... maybe you are gorgeous but a complete f*&*wit. You are obviously arrogant, cocky, and think you know how she should live her life better than she does. Take a dose of humility, try to see what she sees in the guys she dates and see if you can match any of their qualities. Then you can begin to prove yourself to her.
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Maybe you're just not as attractive as you seem to think you are....

I think she knows she should stay away from shallow guys like you because you guys have nothing to offer but your big egos.
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I think a lot of you are wrong about the girl having low self-esteem. People misjudge ugly ducklings as having low confidence but that is totally wrong. We know(after a while) what we look like, it just doesn't matter very much to us. As for me, I was really heavy through my teen years and between the ages of 18-22 I lost over 100 pounds. I'm not only more physically attractive but both men and women would describe me as beautiful. I don't have low self-esteem but to be honest sometimes I forget why in the hell people are looking at me when I walk into a room. I do know what I look like but I've come to realize that it just doesn't mean as much to me as it does to other people because I have lived on both sides of the fence. I understand that what I look like does not define who I am in the same sense that it "defines" others. I often don't go for the most attractive guys either because as some have said before, I can tell a shallow jerk pretty easily. Not that all attractive people are jerks, but there is definitely a higher incidence of jerks in the upper levels of attractiveness. I've noticed that I do get along better with less attractive/average looking men AND women because they aren't so caught up in their looks and tend to have better personalities.
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Kind of a roundabout way of saying "why won't she pick me?" innit? The way you've presented yourself in this post, I think it's pretty safe to assume she won't go out with you because she thinks you're shallow... or possibly even because you never asked.
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Omg, where to begin... I'll try to keep this as sweet and to the point as possible. I am now 29 years old, a female (with a boy's name to boot), and a pretty down to earth person. I didn't blossom until I was nearly done with college, so I feel as though I not only personally developed but also learned to appreciate non-physical characteristics such as intelligence, sense of humor and, um, humilty. Thus, I speak from experience when I say that guys who have this "She'd be lucky to have me, what is she doing with him?" attitude toward those of us late bloomers are astoundingly arrogant. You've missed the entire ever-loving point. Contrary to what it seems a lot of people believe, ugly ducklings like myself typically have a more confident and more well-rounded outlook on life and relationships. The shallow demeanor that we are so often approached with is actually quite insulting.

Let me give an example. I was out with friends once, and talking to a good-looking male friend of mine when a douchey self-consumed arrogant over-grown frat boy (whose image surfaced when I read your post) approached us and blatantly said "you are much too beautiful to stand here talking to this loser when you could be having drinks with me, I mean look at me." <record screeching> Really?!?! If I weren't a lady, that would have warranted a punch in the mouth.

Not only would you be insulting her, but you are insulting people she apparently cares about. Not smooth, not effective. The answer lies not in what you can get her to see/understand. The answer lies in your perceptions. Take a look inside yourself. If you describe yourself using only one word, would it be a physical trait - you chose "attractive" - or a personality trait. Open up to yourself a bit before you put your foot in your mouth, or even worse, get someone else's foot in your ass. I truly wish you luck, dude.
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littlepistol88
i was pick on in school by ugly pricks like you along wiht there ugly girlfriends you probally one of those assholes who think there hot but your not
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Start talking to her and become her friend first. That's usually how ugly people end up together anyway that I've noticed. Don't be like, damn you're hot, wann fuc*? Forget your penis for the time and become her friend, it will blossom into a beautiful relationship from there, if that's what you want. If all you wanna do is bang her, then leave her alone.
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maybe she doesnt like you cos youre a prick?
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Maybe the other guy deserves her because he isn't as shallow as you.
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summerrose15
funny how your only interested now shes deemed beautiful, EY?
ASSSSSS HOLE
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smithee
i wouldn't tell her she has ugly duckling syndrome, she might take it the wrong way!!
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do u even kno this girl or are u just attracted to the way she looks? if u know her then it should give u some pointers if u dont get to know her and when ur going to compliment a girl dont tell her she's hot, tell her she's beautiful or breathtaking but thats my opinion im not a girl so i dont know if they prefer being called beautiful over being called hot
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so you knew she was ugly as a kid but pretty as a teen, can you spell SHALLOW? you only like her cause of her looks, if you really liked her like you think you do, you wouldn't care what she looked like when you knew her as a kid
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you are arrogent, maybe she likes these guys, they are ugly to you but not to her. shes better off without prople like you in her life. just stick to ugly girls, they let you do anything in bed
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littlepistol88
you sound like one of those snot-nosed popualr guys from the movies who will ask out the unpopular girl after losing some bet with your airhead shallow friends and then laughs at behind her back.the point is guys like you probally ridiculed her in high school and she knows guys like you are jerks and to aviod you like the plauge i hate guys like you and people like you are the reason i never cared for men so go find some ugly snot-nosed bitch like yourself ok
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The tactful way would be to not tell her. If you want her to go on a date with you, pick something nonthreatening and ask her. No guarantees beyond that, but you should be able to get at least one date out of her.
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@: roger49
Did you ever think that maybe you are a shallow person? She HAS A BOYFRIEND, who according to you is ugly.. And you can't get her, because "you are too hot for her, because she was an ugly duckling" SOMEONE NEEDS TO WAKE YOU UP SO I WILL DO THE HONORS. YOU ARE MAKING UP EXCUSES FOR YOUR OWN INADEQUACIES AS A MALE BACHELOR. The reason she doesn't want you must be "because she doesn't realize she can get such a hot guy, or because she feels insecure around them". Well, it's an interesting theory, but I would place my money on the bet that as an ugly kid she learned to appreciate the more important qualities in people, rather than superficial appearances. Maybe you should work on some non-superficial qualities of your own and see how it works for you.
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that was at OP not roger.
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@: roger49
the most cleverest thing to do indeed!
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i was always made fun of for my looks when i was younger, and every time an attractive guy says something to me i always perceive it as a joke because it's not something i'm used to. most of the time, the attractive guys i know are jerks because they know how good looking they are, and they use it to their advantage. she's probably going for the ugly guys because she doesn't have anything to worry about. no one is gonna be jealous, and she'll have no one competing against her. with an attractive guy like you seem to think you are, however, she's probably afraid of other girls going for you, and you might find a better girl than her. i'm not really sure. it's hard to get inside someone's head, but this is how i feel so...if that helps.
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personally i was picked on in school and believe me it's pretty damageing so i would be pretty offened if someone told me i have the ugly duckling syndrome. from reading this you sound like a real dick. god all guys such arrogant jerks (regradless of what they look like).
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pretty girls tend to date guys who are less good looking than them, because those ones try harder to keep them happy.
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I'm an ugly duckling female as well and I totally agree with this. We tend to not place looks at such a level of importance as others I think.
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well, if she likes to be with those "ugly guys", then you have nothing to do with. the best way to tell her she's beautiful is to compliment her and make her smile.
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Youre a shallow cunt, do her a favor and get the fuck out.
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ok, well here this goes. If she has a boyfriend leave her alone. maybe SHE thinks he is good looking. maybe she isnt a fucking bitch and likes guys for how they are. but if you really think this is how she is then wait till she's single and write her a note and ask her on a date sounds cheesy? well im 18 and i love when guys write me letters. because its something that later on if someone happens she can look back to and remember the day you guys got together
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Try and find out from her friends if she is interested in you. People find different things attractive, perhaps she sees something in them that you do not.
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u shud tell her what you think
have you ever thought that she is dating these guys because she reely likes their personalities? if u try to get to know her then she myte like u too and wont be intimidated.
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convince her that you're not only in it because she's hott
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just go ask her out! forget looks...they rate zero in todays world... i mean youl alwaz find a gorgeous guy with a ugly gal or a pretty gal with damn ugly guy.... talk to her youl be suprised maybe looks is the last thing she thinks about when it comes to guys.
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convince her shes pretty and that u really like her. b modest, cuz girls HATE arrogance.
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I dont dislike you, but i think your a jerk, you wait for her to turn out pretty as opposed to years before when she would have killed to date you. it looks like you have a one minded goal, instead of meating someone with a like minded personality, doesnt matter what some one looks like - if you enjoy theyre company and for that reason love to be around them, then it doesnt matter who it is - probs why a gays come out of the closset??? (guessing)
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Ok, so as a 19 year old girl, who also has had ugly duck syndrome, you need to repetetively tell her over time. The more you repeat the message the more likely it becomes, it took me a few years but I guess I think I'm pretty now thanks to some great friends and a one or two boyfriends! Also, do not tell her she has "blossomed" thats just awkward and insinuates that she was ugly at a period of time. Stay in the present, tell her shes beautiful!
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i wouldnt tell her that lol. youll get slapped in the face.just ask her out if you like her :] maybe she prefers the type of men shes dating.
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meh I've been told I was an ugly duckling before. I don't care; it only made me perceive them as shallow. Find a personality and maybe she'll notice you.
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Have you ever thought maybe you have the opposite of the ugly duckling effect? maybe you feel handsome and really are unattractive.
Also you sound fairly superficial and shallow, if you want to get her, grow a personality
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im talking to the author btw
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Wow...just, wow. First of all, how do you know she doesn't see her own physical beauty? And you think the only reason she's dating the guy is because she has low-self esteem? Maybe he has something you don't (eg. modesty).
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Ugly ducklings fucking rock.
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Just tell her you think shes beautiful. Not that she used to be ugly and now shes beautiful. Wheres your game man?
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I'm not exactly a relationship expert. I've only had maybe 10 girlfriends in my 15 years of life, but I've been with an incredibly hot one for over a year, so I must be doing something right.

Just ask her out dammit. Don't tell her about the ugly duckling thing, and certainly don't tell her that she has confidence issues.

Once your with her (and also maybe when you're trying to get with her) try complementing her. Don't tell her "you have a really nice ass" or "wow you have big boobs" because that will just piss her off and she'll think you're a jerk (although it might help her confidence a bit).

Try telling her that shes cute/pretty/beautiful at first, stuff like sexy or hot will be good a bit later on into the relationship. Also, you should try complementing her on her eyes or other features that arents necessarily sexual (like, nothing about boobs, ass, waist, legs, ect.). Don't make all the complements about her physical appearance either though, tell her that you like talking to her, or that she has nice taste in something. Don't lie to her though, because sometimes you forget about those.
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xoxoxo
Clone her!!
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Best way to tell her? DON'T! How else are weird looking dudes like me gonna get hot girls?
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I think you should just tell her she's hot, I'm a girl and when guys tell me I'm beautiful it's clearly what they think I'll like cos I'm a girl but it's really fake. Just be flirty and confident and tell her she's hot, simple.
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i agree with cabinet70
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FREAK
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just ask her out come one she'll be shy at first but your to old to be playing beat around the bush. ask her out if she says no dont take it for an answer keep sweeping her off her feet. find out what she likes and invit her to go out somewere she cant resist.
G.L
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Well, she may have that and needs to gain self worth. Other thing may be these guys you see as ugly, may be good looking to her.
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while i do agree with roger49 (top of the list) i will say that instead of getting her to stop dating these "hideous men" i think you should really get her to realize that she is pretty, and you need to remember that happiness is extremely important, so even if she still dates men less attractive than you, let her, as long as she is in a happy loving relationship, but definitely factor in, or completely use, roger49's advice
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and also, you shouldn't tell her she has "ugly duckling syndrome", she'll think you're such a dick. and you definitely sound like it cuz you only seem to care about how she looks now and not her personality...why are all guys so stupid?
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I know one, and I really like her!
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She's not intimidated by you dude... but she could be turned on if you were up front about how attracted you were to her.
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don't tell her that! you'll be going in reverse very quickly if you do. Just compliment her. :)
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well i think i have the same the ugly duckling syndrom because when i was growing up i was very thin and no boys liked me.
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Tell her how you feel. If she is as beautiful as you say it sholdn't be hard to tell her. make her feel special. GAIN HER TRUST.

Most importantly, don't ever tell that she was an "ugly duckilng"
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omg ik I have somewhat of a rep as someone who might tear your face off and i intimidate all of the ladies and it bugs the crap out of me. (BTW i look pretty good to so that just adds to it). I won't ask anyone out myself because i have issues, and no one will ask me out because there to scared to. GRR
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oops the above was supposed to be a reply to be your pet
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As for the girl in question, she seems to have a positive love life so she probably doesn't have low self-esteem. She just seems as though she understands that her looks(and her current boyfriend's looks) don't make her better or worse as a person. She probably doesn't like you because you never gave her the time of day before. THAT is a personality thing; she's not intimidated.
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All these people claiming to be ugly duckling girls, are going to get SOOO many friggin emails...
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I never seen this but I have seen very attractive girls who think they are hideous. Usually its because everyone tells them they were ugly and stupid. Like family a lot of times.
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Read "The Present." It'll explain how life works, so you can relax with no worry and live a fulfilling life.


http://www.truthcontest.com/entries/the-present-universal-truth/
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I was a cute child but I grew up to be not so cute. Does this means I have a reverse of this syndrome?
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Stand aside shlowmo! A fit girl who has confidence issues? SHE'S MINE!
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Awww, that's sweet.
I wouldn't diss on those guys because then you'd be like one of the mean pretty girls that used to pick on her (I know, because I have classic Ugly Duckling Syndrome, or so people tell me). If you come across that way, she sure as hell won't want to date you. Don't mention how you feel about those guys because they could be really wonderful people, and it would make you look conceited ("Gosh, why are you dating those losers when you could have ME?"). I don't think you are conceited, but that's how it would come off to her.
I think with girls like her, being upfront about that is very scary. Maybe if you wrote her a sweet letter and told her how beautiful you think she is, or serenaded her or something like that, that would be less intimidating and more gentle. She sounds like a sweet girl, so do something sweet. She just needs someone to make her feel beautiful so go ahead and do that!
Good luck! Hope it works out! :)
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You're all stupid. There ARE attractive guys with good personalities. Therefore, she has the Ugly-Duck syndrome. Stop pretending that there's only attractive guys and ugly guys with other good qualities. Anyone who says that is just an ugly ass themselves. If she chooses an ugly guy over an attractive guy, that's fine with me. But she'll regret it later after she has fugly kids.
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Hey man I know what your going through, there's a similar situation happening to me now. Except in my case I dated this girl a couple of times but then she started dating a really good friend of hers and now he's her boyfriend...he is extremely ugly. It'll piss you off won't it? Don't tell this girl she has ugly duckling syndrome though, nothing good can come of it.
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ridicule
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maybe ugly guys make her horny, or they just got big dicks
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