Uncertainty

51% Normal

4 Comments

Im in my early 20s and when i was younger i use to think i was open to all new experiences and was non-judgmental. i use to resent my parents for being so naive and judgmental about everything. As ive been out of my parents house for a few years ive always really noticed how im slowly becoming set in my ways and what i do and dont believe. at some point i remember thinking how ambiguity makes me feel insecure and i just cant deal with trying to agree with everyside of an issue. I take this as a good trait. However its also hard for me to feel for human beings in many situations. Ive had a few people i know commit suicide, and a few die in iraq the past couple years and i feel calloused to anyone i dont know. At times i try to be polite and show manners to people i dont really know, but more times then not in my head i say "this is fucking retarded, they wont approach me, ill probably never see them again, if i do not very often, why should i expend any cognitive effort to be polite to them?" Im not necessarily rude to people, just very distant and reserved. to sum up, i use to be interested in the humanities, and there is this one guy that i cant stand who is a philosophy major and i hate the guy so much it really dampens my outlook on the study of philosophy. In the long run, i take on the physical features of a grown man, i feel as if im being cornered into this concentration tank where society is blackmailing me, telling me "you will be logical, distant from your emotions, even tempered, will enter the field of business (or any stereotypical male field) or else we will osctracize(sp) you and you will have nowhere to go." I may be being a little too extreme in my attitude right now, however in a slow setting way it seems to be like this..and the factors are just as much external as internal. Is it normal for me to be a little anxious about this situation? I never wanted to really become like my father and all of his corporate suckups...however it almost seems like it was my destiny all along.

Do you think it's normal?

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