Us humans are spoiled...life is not suppost to be like this. Or is it?

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This could be really confusing so here we go. I am posting this because I swear NOBODY thinks like me and I wanted to try this out. K so I'm on some death thinking spree where I can't for the freaking life of me stop thinking about death. Now I am NOT suicidal. It is more so what happens after death. I do not wanna die, I will miss people, certain things...colors, tastes, touches...think of your favorite thing to do, well guess what you won't be doing it anymore. I used to be more calmer in the thought of death because I always said to myself well it can't just be black!! Can't just be nothing! It just can't be....but then I reminded myself of those who are blind and who do truly see black. I tried to imagine as if I was blind today I tried walking around to see if I would enjoy life and I wanted to die. It was horrible. People are actually blind to the earth. So that messed me up the ability to not see is real. So is there a possibility of nothing? They say we have a soul or energy and I was going with that but then I started thinking oaah great so I'm a light? Or some force? No more pizza? no more boyfriend:( no more family:( No more sun? beach? beers? NO MORE HUMAN NOTHING! I just float around? What if an atstroid hits the earth where do I go? In space? To float? Am I star? LIKE WHAT THE EFF GOES ON! Do I reincarnate into another human? Loose the love of my life and family and move on? And I'm just suppose to accept that? When you say I love you forever it's not really forever now is it.:( Is there really a god up in the sky with some kind of system and magic powers?Does my body detirate into the ground and I become dirt or does my body do that and have a soul and takes off somewhere? Somebody give me some feed back PLEASE. Is this freaking normal? People always say they can be with their loved ones but are you really with them? How can you talk? You have no vocal cords...how can you touch feel...hug:( The earth blows up...WHAT HAPPENS