We walked in on our daughter

91% Normal

52 Comments

If the question is, if it's normal for a fourteen year old girl to masturbate, of course it is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Unfortunately she is embarrassed and it will take some time for this to pass. It might be the perfect time for the "talk". Just reassure her how normal it is and that everyone does it. Even her mom when she was her age, right? But if she doesn't want to talk, I don't think you should press the issue. That might make it worse.

I would put this out of your mind and try to forget about this. This girl must be totally embarrassed and upset, if you say anything it may cause her to become more distance from you. Give her time to come around and dont ever mention it to her..

totally normal... i started exploring my body when i was her age!! now im 19 and i still do it! totally healthy... you could take this oppertuninty to have the "talk" with her!

Masturbation is obviously a substitute for sex.

If she feels too embarrassed about this, she might be inclined to go for the real thing.

i started when i was 12.. im 19 now :P its totally normal.. and even younger children do it, even if they don't know they are. little boys playing with themselves, stuff like that. my aunt once knew of a little girl rubbing up against the edge of a coffe table. but yeah, nothing wrong in trying to pleasure yourself.

pretty normal. actually, most people lose their virginity in their teen years

A girl that age "going at it", as you put it, is normal and healthy. However, refusal to talk for three days is a bit out of the ordinary. Perhaps there is some familial tension not related to the incident that is still clinging to her, whether it is about another unrelated incident or about some deep-seated emotion built up over many years.

Its definatly normal! shes probli been doing it for longer than you think to be honest lol
shes embaressed about it cos shes a teenager and i think the best think to do would be to pretend it never happened unless she brings it up.

i'm 17 so i know what i'm talking about lol

This is a very common occurrence, often and at a very young age (though it varies) young ladies will discover these pleasures through merely curious exploration of their bodies.. it is important to talk with her about it, it may be hard but you need to have a sit down with her.

This is bit Awkward for me. Any way I am 18 years old male. I found about masturbation naturally when I was watching Girls Gone Wild lol I literally came, but i was 13 at that time but as you move on u will get over it.

NORMAL. My dad walked in on me when I was 13. We both ignored it and now at 24, we have a normal relationship :)

Normal...and normal for her to feel ashamed about being caught..

Not so normal for her to be doing it on the couch as oppose to in private?

No real solution either, its just something that needs time to be forgotten. Perhaps the mother should let her know there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and then never speak about it again lol

yes, its normal starting around 12-ish

Nice way to put it? "goin @ it" lol

oh christ here we go again the exact same happned to me when my mum once jumped in on me well you know doing it and i wouldnt talk to her for a week because i thought she was going to try a give me a lecture and tell me to get a girlfreind but instead she just told me it was perfectly normal and my dad was always like that which in a way comforted me because i look up to my dad so maybe say(and this isnt in a dirty way)you or her supposudley roll model probably or did do the same and put it in a upbeat context so laugh when you say it maybe to be honest im not a female and i dont know what goes through your heads

It is perfectly normal for a 14 yr old girl to masturbate herself, I was giving myself love from age of 11 or thereabouts, so was my sister.

The thing is, at the age of 14 most girls are getting sensitive about others seeing their bodies or things to do with their sexuality (Luckily my folks were hippies and masturbation was more open and free)

If she was nude she might be deeply embarrassed if you saw her naked, even if she was not, if she was really Into the act, she might be deeply humiliated - particularly if her father was there.

What I would suggest is that you find a time when its just you girls, then sit down and explain to her that pleasuring oneself is nothing to be ashamed of, that everyone does it at times, even you and her dad, but it really should (in most cases) be done in private.

October Marie

its obvious she totally embarrassed#1i dont think you should say anything about it she wont like you to believe me!i owuld be so embarrassed and never want anything said again.

It's embarassing. She probably feels ashamed that you saw her like that; most girls dont like their parents to even know they have sexual thoughts, from what I've seen. I'm a female and I'm 19 and so I think thats normal.

Do not mention it to her! I started when I was about eleven. Just let her be, it's her body.

Yesh-
Can I say embarrasing. Its perfectly normal but god lord it must have been humilating- your parents finding you doing it. I think Id just want to be swallowed by the ground. Just reassure and make sure she knows theres NOTHING wrong with it.

You obviously know its normal. What you don't know is how to talk to her about it, I think, and as her mother (not "us").

Just clear the air & reassure her that everything is OK between you. If you are too embarrassed to be the parent, how is she supposed to feel?

Yes, I think too, it's normal. Later she will find a boyfried or a relative who makes it to her.A wet thing is a good foreplay!

lol exploring your body..

the phrases todays morons come up with are hilarious

that really really sucks, you probbly just scarred her for life

You definitely have done the right thing by giving her space, but not pretending that it didn't happen. Its going to be best for you- without her dad- to take time when you know its right (you can't schedule the talk like you could have before) to talk to her, and let her know that there's nothing wrong with her, and you guys don't view her any differently than before.

if you start acting weird around her your gonna make things worse. What she did is totally normal she's a teenager! She can't help it. Talk to her as you would before the incident. The worst thing you can do is be In different towards her. Teenagers have committed suicide over less

Holy crap this is difficult
right, speaking from a girl of a similar age's point of view she will never want to speak of this episode ever again, unless she is a particularly earthy person (from what you have said, she doesn't sound too sexually outward.)
Its totally normal for teenagers to do this, so don't make a huge deal about it - epecially to her.
Just pretend everything is normal - lets face it, at least she is um...satisfying herself with this that finding some silly, brain-in-penis, teenage guy.
Hope this helps and good luck x

god! she's just embarrased beyond belief, she'll get over it just act like it never happend and she'll forget eventually

I suggest you write a short note telling her that you are sorry you both walked in on her, it is perfectly normal, everybody does it, you will try to forget it ever happened and never bring it up again unless she does because she would like to talk about it. You may even like to put a little gift with the note. Let her read it in private. I don't know what her sense of humor is like - if it were my son I would do the note nicely in a word doc and add this joke - Qu - What is the most sensitive part of a person's body when they masturbate? answer - their ears!

Tell her she should've locked herself in her room and did the deed rather than in the lounge room!

That's going to take either a lot of talking or a lot of not talking to fix. I would ask her how she wants to handle it and let her know you don't hate her/dislike her for it. I spent most of my youth in fear of being labeled dirty for it. Even though my mother said it was normal she still acted like it was disgusting. I nearly grew up with a complex over it. I mean I was really, really, really embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Your daughter, depending on her personality, could be seriously beating herself up over this.

Or she could just be humiliated.

Either way ask her if she wants to talk about it. If not accept it for what it was and just consider it another step in your daughter becoming an adult.

Ok now all these comments are making me feel like a weirdo
i watched my dad's porn with my 1 year older female cousin at the age of 7-8? i don't know wtf i was doing, it just felt good. My parents walked in on me and freaked out. I cried, my cousin cried. After a 1 hr lecture, everything was normal.

It is hard for her to talk about this embarassing subject but you must reassure her that it is normal, almost everyone does it, You still love her and you do not see anything wrong, except maybe she should be doing it in her room alone.

Totally normal.

Here's an idea, I didn't read all the comments so someone else may have suggested already....write a little card, and just let her know it's "normal" and healthy...and not to be ashamed or embarrassed...tell her if she doesn't want to talk about it, that's ok...but let her know she didn't do anything wrong. Good luck!

Seriously, the only problem with this situation is that she decided to go at it at the couch rather than in the privacy of her own room. She should have understood the risk that her parents might come home early. WTH? It's her own damn fault for going at it at the wrong location!

No! She's going to hell for her sins! She's obviously possessed by a demon! You need to put a chastity belt on that girl immediately! Ok,ok I'm done. I was being facetious. Of course it's normal! Lol. You're obviously a grown woman right? I don't know why you have to inquire about it to be honest. Didn't you ever masturbate before? If you were to answer no, I would presume that you were either not being completely forthright, or you were raised in an extremely religious household and you bought in to all the anti-sex teachings. Just in case you were I'd like to tell you that with all of the things that go on in this world, I seriously doubt that god is all that worried about what a teenager is doing with their genitals. With all of that out of the way I would like to say that your teen doesn't seem to have very good hearing. When I was a kid, I could hear my mom's car pulling into the driveway well before she entered the house so I had plenty of time to hide the weed and/or stop jerking off if that's what I happened to be doing at the time...;)

I like how we're only told she was 'going at it'

That could mean anything..

Maybe she just had a very bad itch, that she was scratching thoroughly?

Or she was exercising vigorously and quite embarassed about it?

But then again, maybe she was attacking the cat with a cheesegrater.

Assuming that we're talking about good old-fashioned self-exploration, then i believe your answer lies in lying.

As soon as your daughter hits a certain point in her life she's gonna be able to joke about this, and we've all already agreed that its perfectly normal, so our main problem is the inevitable embarassment. So in resolution to it, you may need to talk to her, especially if it was obvious what she was doing. Your main priority is letting your daughter feel comfortable in her own home again. So dont be afraid to bend the truth and tell her that your mother found you doing the same when you were young, or something along that line. The funnier the better. It might sound dubious, and it is, but if it helps her feel comfortable with her parents until she's old enough to truly know how normal it is, its worth it.

You can tell her then, and she'll be fine with it.

Either way, good luck with her.

yes extremely normal dont worry btw the walking in part just fn hilarious

Its soo normal! Just tell her that its normal and lie to her saying that u did it too

Alright I have to add my two cents here because this has unfortunately happened to me, actually more than once because my mom does not knock and when I was younger she like would not let me shut my door anyway and that bitch always lurks me even to this day -- look, my mom never addressed it and at the time, I didn't wanna talk about it anyway so that was fine but now looking back I think that talking to her is the better idea, do the note idea the other person had if you can't/don't wanna do it face to face. But the sooner this girl gets some relief from the stress and worrying about it, the better you're all gonna feel.

Oh god...that's just...terrible :( I really feel for your daughter. I would want to die if it were me.
Anyhow, the above poster knows what s/he is talking about.

I feel so bad for your daughter. If you haven't talked about sex with her, then don't say anything. if she's willing to talk about it, just ask her if she'd like to. Tell her it's normal and every one does it. Apologize to her, tell her that you guys can talk about anything together and you're there for her. These are things she needs to hear at her age anyway. If she doesn't want to talk about it then DROP THE AWKWARDNESS. If it's awkward in that house she will feel so much worse. Go on about daily life like nothing happened and she'll come around. ugh...i feel so bad for her, and you! (ecspecially the dad...oh gosh.)

Fourteen eh? She's too young to be having sex. Obviously she is embarrassed. Just let her get over it and in time, she will talk to you eventually. Try not to bring it up when she's around

OH my bad, I thought she was having sex...
Masturbation is normal man

Its completely normal. im a 15 year old girl and i know that bieng a teenager is the times where you get to explore your body.

Don't press her on the issue. the last thing you wanna do, is talk to your mom about watching you masturbate.

I think you should just forget it ever happened and bring it up when your drunk at a christmas party lol.

Completely normal. Have a VERY short conversation with her, as follows: Everyone does it. No biggie. Sorry we surprised you. Love you. You're a normal, great teenager.

she's weird. she'll probably need glasses

Odd as it is its normal, but why do it on the couch when you have a much more comfortable bed in your room where u can lock the door..

I agree with Robin-- def just say something short and sweet. Its important to make sure that as she grows up she knows sex and masturbating are normal things, and its best if she talks to you, I'm an 18 year old girl and I talk to my mom about masturbating all the time, some of my friends think its weird but we think its great that we are so open about it. Good luck

i was having sex when i was fifteen so yea just tell her its natural and who cares is it a crime to touch yourself.

It's normal for this to happen. I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old that i cought at age 12 both was very up set when i cought them i did not try to but it happend and i let them cool off for a day or two then i talked to them about it . both girls lost there mom and me as there dad had to talk to them so give her time to cool off and then you talk to her but you as her mom need to do this it will be better coming from you than her dad.