What can i shove up my ass

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not light bulbs

dildo or anal beads safest bet. Or if you go to the store you can find rounded bottles. Just make sure you wash them really well before and after use, and that they have no sharp edges cause that can fuck your intestine up.

get a vibrator

cucumber! =P

i enjoy double penetration.... i just use my fingers ;)

The best thing to do is to buy a sex toy designed for that along with lots of lube. If you are too embarrassed to buy a sex toy then make sure whatever you use doesn't have any sharp edges and use a condom on it if at all possible.

Use lots of lube, get used to your fingers first then try smaller objects before moving on to a banana or something like that.

http://advancedmasturbation.com/

I use a Sharpie.

lube ur fingers up and masterbate the ogasm is wild
or have a shit will wanking still works

long skinny vegies; i.e.:cucumber, carrot, sqash, ect.
i got these soap containers which i later found could be used in that fashion

watermellun.

the end of a secure driver

o, so if u don't wanna fuck a guy, u plan on fucking a man, right, it probably ur friends dad, id just run away after forcing myself to watch LESBIAN porn for hours, it'll work, trust me

a cup, candle, a duck, a branch, a remote, spoon, eggs, butter, hampster, a barbie, a candy cane, keys, seriously get a butt plug

just slip some pipe cleaners in

a jack hammer head!

just start small