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what does it take to get thru to someone in a cult
A friend of mine is in this weird church that doesnt allow him to date outsiders (i.e. those who arent in his church) and he is really fired up about it and all. Dont get me wrong, this is not just a church...they have come under scrutiny many times for making use of cult tactics etc. , so it is not just me having fallen for a religious guy. He is sort of very dogmatic about everything and thinks everything, including talking to me since i am not in his church, is a sin.
I have tried to reason with him on every level: offered to stay his friend no matter what, i tried to reason with him on biblical grounds (citing scriptures to him, cause even the bible doesnt advocate such behavior), philosophical grounds, based on friendship, logic, empathy...nothing works. He doesnt evne wanna talk to me. Out of the 30 emails/msgs i sent him, he responded to only 2 or 3 and in all of them he gives me some generically drafted response abt how he has to follow through with his "promise".
?
I evne offered to go to church with him, and he didnt respond. At the same time, that one time I did get him on the phone, he said he does care about me a lot and is attracted to me etc, but has to stay away.
Away from what? I am totally willing to learn about his faith if he likes. I just dont think the way it is done, dogmatically and controlling, is the right way. but just the same, I have made it clear he can trust me.
Remember, I am not the one who made the friendship conditional upon whether he believes in what I believe in or not. He did. I am not the judgmental one here.
So I am at a loss here. I do care about him a lot, have known him for a very long time, he is a good guy, really, i really enjoy spending time with him and he is sweet and talented and good hearted...just a little mislead i guess.
But i cannot do ANYTHING if he wont even communicate with me. And i told him that, but he just doesnt respond.
This has been going on for a year now. I have been trying to be patient and talk to him about it. Nothing. He is ignoring me.
So is this abnormal? Wouldnt any of you try to get someone you love and care about out of a cult? Or try to understand them? havent i done enough? Is there something i missed? Remember, he said he is attracted and cares...so it's not like he cant stand me (maybe now he cant, I dunno) ...but what else can i do?
And most importantly, is this normal?
I have tried to reason with him on every level: offered to stay his friend no matter what, i tried to reason with him on biblical grounds (citing scriptures to him, cause even the bible doesnt advocate such behavior), philosophical grounds, based on friendship, logic, empathy...nothing works. He doesnt evne wanna talk to me. Out of the 30 emails/msgs i sent him, he responded to only 2 or 3 and in all of them he gives me some generically drafted response abt how he has to follow through with his "promise".
?
I evne offered to go to church with him, and he didnt respond. At the same time, that one time I did get him on the phone, he said he does care about me a lot and is attracted to me etc, but has to stay away.
Away from what? I am totally willing to learn about his faith if he likes. I just dont think the way it is done, dogmatically and controlling, is the right way. but just the same, I have made it clear he can trust me.
Remember, I am not the one who made the friendship conditional upon whether he believes in what I believe in or not. He did. I am not the judgmental one here.
So I am at a loss here. I do care about him a lot, have known him for a very long time, he is a good guy, really, i really enjoy spending time with him and he is sweet and talented and good hearted...just a little mislead i guess.
But i cannot do ANYTHING if he wont even communicate with me. And i told him that, but he just doesnt respond.
This has been going on for a year now. I have been trying to be patient and talk to him about it. Nothing. He is ignoring me.
So is this abnormal? Wouldnt any of you try to get someone you love and care about out of a cult? Or try to understand them? havent i done enough? Is there something i missed? Remember, he said he is attracted and cares...so it's not like he cant stand me (maybe now he cant, I dunno) ...but what else can i do?
And most importantly, is this normal?
Do you think it's normal?
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He is in one of those evangelist new age chruches that spring up everywhere and claim to be the only _real_ christians. That's why they arent to date anyone outside of their church. They also have couples counselors that tell people whta kind of sex positions they should do cause they are sinful.
Well and yes i have known him for years and there was always an attraction and he is not a bad person; i really think he genuinely believes this to be true and doesnt see it as a bad thing.
I just dont understand why he wont communicate with me. I have shown him every sign of being open for a debate and dont chrisians always say one should attend to everyone and love everyone and not abandon friendship etc? How is what he is doing going with that? I am not christian and i know you are not supposed to treat people like that, especially if Jesus is your role model.
I mean "whta kind of sex positions they SHOULDNT do cause they are sinful."
if you want to be with him, you have to accept his faith and not try to get him out of it. He is ignoring you because he does not want to be talked out of his faith.
If he ever does want out, then thats the time to be there for him.
are you talking about insurance sales-reps?
best of luck
I think that they have such a great fear of hell that soing anything which could lead them to that place scares them so they dont't do it and restrickt themselves from being human since humans are born with natral si according to them.
And you are right, I find it ironic that even though it is always these religious people that spew this "love one another" and "accept god's creatures" blah blah blah, are ALWAYS the most intolerant and un-accepting and judgmental people and oddly enough it is those non-believers (such as myself) who are the ones who do the embracing, and loving, and accepting someone for who they are, and not because they adhere to a certain kind of faith. Yet I am a bad person and according to them will go to hell, but he, who tosses out a good friend like used diapers thinks he will go to heaven....
However, your freind is already a 1 on the Dawkins scale. I doubt reason is possible.
Seriously; there are only two likely outcomes: 1) he will either outgrow his enthusiasm for this cult of his and renounce it on his own, or 2) it will engulf him for the rest of his life, to the detriment of himself and everybody who is close to him.
The cult mentality is practically impossible to break if the person truly identifies with the ideology of the cult. If he's just going through a 'phase' then this doesn't apply; he will grow tired of the cult and voluntarily resign.
It's up to you to decide which of the above he is. Don't let him drag you down into his stilted little world if he seems genuinely dedicated to it. Bail on him and find another dude...there are plenty of dudes to choose from.