Are You Normal?
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What's worng with me?
Before anyone comments I must tell everyone that I am the most horrible person in the world and I deserve going straight to hell. I can't just shake off.
I have been married for 10 years and have a perfect husband and son. I am in love with my husband and extremely happy with my life. We are the perfect family. But appearances are deceiving.
Four years ago I went thru a rough patch in my marriage. I purposely seeked out my ex, flew him over and had sex wit him. I just wanted to feel loved and also make my ex regret ever leaving me. (I guess I needed the ego boost)He was currently living with someone and was also having problems with her. A couple of months later they broke up so I flew him over again and spend a long weekend with him. I suggested for me to leave my husband and that we get together. But of course he said no way, he was "taking a break from having relationships" and that was that. That weekend, after telling my husband I needed a break, I went back to him and said I wanted to work things out. We worked everything out and things were great.
9 months later my ex calls back and I lie and tell him I am divorced. And then he stopped by my town for a weekend and we spent it together. Why? I had the hope he was still in love with me or I could make him fall again for me. Then when that happens I would leave him high and dry just like he did to me.
The problem it has been four years and I have not left him nor I believe he has fallen for me head over heels yet. He keeps using me and at the same time I know he sleeps around with around a dozen women at a time (I always use a condom when we have gotten together and I get tested too). He still believes I am divorced.
However, right now I feel he is falling hard for me and wants to leave his hometown to come and live with me. But now I'm to emotionally involved and don't know how to break it off. I have fallen in love with my lover just the way he is. However, I will never leave my family for him, I love my husband and son even more and I know they are the best for me, but I might end up losing everything I love.
I feel like the worst human being in the world. I don’t deserve I thing that I have. I want my perfect life and take all my mistakes back. Mostly I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I have been married for 10 years and have a perfect husband and son. I am in love with my husband and extremely happy with my life. We are the perfect family. But appearances are deceiving.
Four years ago I went thru a rough patch in my marriage. I purposely seeked out my ex, flew him over and had sex wit him. I just wanted to feel loved and also make my ex regret ever leaving me. (I guess I needed the ego boost)He was currently living with someone and was also having problems with her. A couple of months later they broke up so I flew him over again and spend a long weekend with him. I suggested for me to leave my husband and that we get together. But of course he said no way, he was "taking a break from having relationships" and that was that. That weekend, after telling my husband I needed a break, I went back to him and said I wanted to work things out. We worked everything out and things were great.
9 months later my ex calls back and I lie and tell him I am divorced. And then he stopped by my town for a weekend and we spent it together. Why? I had the hope he was still in love with me or I could make him fall again for me. Then when that happens I would leave him high and dry just like he did to me.
The problem it has been four years and I have not left him nor I believe he has fallen for me head over heels yet. He keeps using me and at the same time I know he sleeps around with around a dozen women at a time (I always use a condom when we have gotten together and I get tested too). He still believes I am divorced.
However, right now I feel he is falling hard for me and wants to leave his hometown to come and live with me. But now I'm to emotionally involved and don't know how to break it off. I have fallen in love with my lover just the way he is. However, I will never leave my family for him, I love my husband and son even more and I know they are the best for me, but I might end up losing everything I love.
I feel like the worst human being in the world. I don’t deserve I thing that I have. I want my perfect life and take all my mistakes back. Mostly I don’t want to hurt anyone.
Do you think it's normal?
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How you could live a lie like this for the past four years is a huge mystery to me. The biggest mystery of all is how your ex/lover could fall for the line that you're unattached. The two of you seem to positively thrive on deceit.
I don't think you're the worst human being ever. The world is full of stories very similar to yours -- the human condition being what it is, many of us want the best of both worlds: an exciting lover and a predictable, pleasant spouse to go home to.
From personal experience, I can assure you that this sort of thing seldom works out in the long term. At some point, somebody moves on, and the other somebody gets pissed and/or distraught. I think you already know your answer -- you must honor the love and commitment you've made to your family first -- the question is, how to make the break with the ex?
I'm afraid I have no magic potion for easing the pain and anger that is bound to occur when you tell him the truth. But you must, and soon. Please talk this over with a counselor before you proceed. Your ex may go quietly into the night, or not. You need to protect your fragile relationship with your husband and son above all else.
-dirt dobbler