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Why Am I So Jealous of everyody about everything?
I am ALWAYS jealous - of everyone and everything at all times. I am always comparing myself and if there is someone out there, amongst my friends, who does have it better or appears to have it better, I get sooo jealous of them. I cant be happy for anyone...really, it's impossible. Deep inside i whish for them to fail.
Everytime someone has something (a new job, a little more money, a boyfiend or even if they buy a new blouse...) I AM JEALOUS. And i dont know why. I have no reason to be like this. I am going to an Ivy League school, I got a great job (that could pay a bit more but still), I am pretty...I am not fat or ugly or anything...I got the best clothes, best connections....but still....I am always comparing and cant stand it when someone is or might be slightly better. - be it for serious things or just everyday mundane things...like a pair of shoes or something. There is no rule.
What i hate is that i cant be happy for anyone...i cant be happy for my class mate having had a baby, cause i dont have one, and i cant be happy for my friend getting a great job...cause i am still looking for mine...i cant even stand it when someone moves to my town of LA while i am here at the east coast enduring the cold weather. I always feel like they are better or happier or more accomplished but i know that they arent always. It is almost like i am standing beside myself wondering why I am jealous, knowing deep inside that i got exactly the same, if not something better actually!!! But i cant help it. It is like ll consuming. All day, every day...I compare myself...from how i look, how my hair looks to what job and friends and income and salary and appliances and life i have, with that of others.
The worst part is not being able to be happy for anyone and deep down wishing them bad things when they get what they want :( I feel horrible but it overcomes me and i cant help it.
I already know this is not normal, or is it? Is it competition? I mean i cant even imagine feeling happy for anyone...i cant imagine how that must feel like cause i NEVER feel happy for anyone. Never have. I am not even acquainted with that feeling...all that happens is that i just feel miserable i dont have what they have - even if objectively what they have is not that much better or better at all...
Everytime someone has something (a new job, a little more money, a boyfiend or even if they buy a new blouse...) I AM JEALOUS. And i dont know why. I have no reason to be like this. I am going to an Ivy League school, I got a great job (that could pay a bit more but still), I am pretty...I am not fat or ugly or anything...I got the best clothes, best connections....but still....I am always comparing and cant stand it when someone is or might be slightly better. - be it for serious things or just everyday mundane things...like a pair of shoes or something. There is no rule.
What i hate is that i cant be happy for anyone...i cant be happy for my class mate having had a baby, cause i dont have one, and i cant be happy for my friend getting a great job...cause i am still looking for mine...i cant even stand it when someone moves to my town of LA while i am here at the east coast enduring the cold weather. I always feel like they are better or happier or more accomplished but i know that they arent always. It is almost like i am standing beside myself wondering why I am jealous, knowing deep inside that i got exactly the same, if not something better actually!!! But i cant help it. It is like ll consuming. All day, every day...I compare myself...from how i look, how my hair looks to what job and friends and income and salary and appliances and life i have, with that of others.
The worst part is not being able to be happy for anyone and deep down wishing them bad things when they get what they want :( I feel horrible but it overcomes me and i cant help it.
I already know this is not normal, or is it? Is it competition? I mean i cant even imagine feeling happy for anyone...i cant imagine how that must feel like cause i NEVER feel happy for anyone. Never have. I am not even acquainted with that feeling...all that happens is that i just feel miserable i dont have what they have - even if objectively what they have is not that much better or better at all...
Do you think it's normal?
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I live in a trailor ok a trailor in North Carolina, and I'm originally from Norfolk, Virginia so this is a huge step back for me. I just lost my job where I was only making $8.25 an hour as an assistant manager. So I have a son, and no job. I go to college, but I still need money to live. I have crappy clothes and a busted up car, and I can't even afford to buy a pair of Adidas shoes or a winter coat for myself that I have wanted for weeks. To top it all off, guess what? I still have people especially girls who are jealous of me. Do you know why? Because they are idiots.
I look at at life like I look at a glass being half full and not half empty. My life is so much better than so many other's lives out there. Just think of all the people in Africa and China, even places in Europe who will never own name brand clothing, never eat at a fancy restaurant, hell may be not even eat at Mcdonalds. Yet you waste your life away on judging others and wishing you could have what they have or be like they are. That is really sad. I think you just need to grow up and stop being so selfish. Think of others for once, Christmas is coming.
maybe try volunteering? do something where you can help people less fortunate than you and maybe you can realize that people struggle to try and get what you have, and that people don't necessarily deserve what they get- so they try hard and when they get lucky, they are happy and expect their friends to be happy for them as well.
everyone gets jealous, sometimes for stupid stuff, that's normal. but to constantly compare yourself to others will get you nowhere.
like i said, maybe if you give your time to help make people happy, like visit the elderly or mentor a child, you will be positively rewarded and come to really appreciate what you have.
Its really sad but you have to work with it, im really happy im not like this. If you were my friend i would be beating you up every day!
but you saw others did, and as a kid you missed out on the fun they had with those things. So now that you're older, you can't help comparing yourself to others no matter how old you are. I suggest you reflect on your life, and see what you have that others don't. That might make you feel better, people suffer everyday in every part of the world. From people in Africa to the bums on the everyday street in the U.S
Imagine how jealous they are of the people that walk by in their warm clothes, go home to a roof over their heads, eat food they enjoy rather than whatever scraps they can get.
I don't know if I helped but if you need further assistance, ven067@ymail.com
But I would also encourage you to attempt to redirect your jealous energy into being grateful for things. It could be little things like writing down 5 things that you were thankful for each day. A lot of others have suggested it on this board and I think that focusing on what you are grateful for/thankful for/etc. might slowly redirect your obsession with jealous thoughts. It's a steep and slippery slope, but it might make a difference!
I also realized that one of the reasons I was feeling jealous all the time was because I was surrounding myself with intensely competitive people ("friends") who were constantly throwing their good fortunes in my face...and it wasn't so much in a "sharing" way, but a bragging way. I think it would help for you to evaluate your friendships as well. Who shares mutual encouragement with you (they are just as happy for you as you are for them)? Who do you feel at peace around and don't feel the need to compete with? I think that weeding through your social circle might alleviate some anxiety and make you feel less prone to competition that often leads to jealousy. Of course, I'm speaking from what I'm trying to do personally and this may not work for you. But I wish you the best.