Are You Normal?

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Why do my friends hate me?
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Is it normal to be screwed over and/or ignored by nearly every close friend you've ever had? I'm 21 years old, and thinking back over my life, my present friends aside I can count at least eight people who I would consider at the time were my best friends with whom my relationships with them ended with animosity. And I don't really think I did anything that bad to any of them to deserve this, in fact most of them did things to piss me off or betray me. This just makes me wonder how long I've got with my current friends before they decide they've had enough of me. I've never cheated on them with their girlfriends, been violent towards them or anything really bad like that, and while I'm not perfect I don't consider myself to be a complete bastard. Oh, how it sucks being me.
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Comments (30)
i'm the same, i dunno what to do, my friends have just all started to avoid and not talk to me, and not inviting me anywhere, i feel like shit, i didn't even do anything to deserve it, they do stuff and then tell me how fun it was to mu face
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Same, What I found effective to do was make them feel bad, like asking them if they want to do something on that day ( I know they already are) and if they lie and say the cant do anything due to parents not being in, no way of getting there then they are lying and that means they are not true friends so what you have got to do then is just confront them about it and just ask if they still want you to be there friend if they cant give you a straight answer then just tell them you can find some better friends then them and start hanging round people they know more the them. hope this helps i know it sounds selfish or arrogant but you need to know they truth, so there Good luck!
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I've been screwed around too many times to remember and use to think wtf? I don't have to hang my head low because I owe anyone money or have wronged anyone. You are a 100%% normal in my book for how you feel.
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cabinet69
If you can only count 8 bad friendships in 21 years I wouldnt worry about it. Ive about the same amount in 45 years so dont worry about it. Enjoy the ones that are friends and fuck the rest
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I have exactly the same experience. I was never happy until I realized I didn%%u2019t need those bitches. What works for me is to just say fuck everybody. Friends, family, all those assholes can go to hell. If they want to be with you and you want them around as well that%%u2019s great, but if they want to treat you like shit then your better off with out them. Just don%%u2019t let them fool you into thinking you owe them something. If you%%u2019re too much of a nice guy they will fuck with you till kingdom come.
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Sometimes people are not what they seem. A narcissist is someone who loves themselves most. These are the people who are going to take advantage of you. Maybe you have a tolerance for narcissistic friends and don't know it. For example, being shy means you are a good listener. They are going to be the ones that *always* talk about themselves and don't care too much about hearing about you. You might want to notice this more in your friendships and keep the friends who *are* interested" in you - and not having a sounding board so they can talk about themselves!
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ur right those sons of bitches should go to hell thx for advice
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Good friends aren't hard to find. You need to use good judgement of character. If they are willing to talk about others, then they won't hesitate to talk about you.

I normally say that by the time high school is done, your friends reflect who you are. If you don't agree with that, start changing the way you make friends. Remember, there is ALWAYS someone out there that wants a friend.
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i mean just look at what happened as if you were viewing a movie, like at a distance or like it happened to someone else. and see if there was anything that could have been done different.

but you don't want to have a victim mentality, and you don't want to turn into an asshole., it's like being assertive, it takes time to learn, start by being your own best friend.
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Friends come and go. You move to another area, you change school or job etc. And friends change along the way. If you lose contact with them, that's just the way it goes. If they have actually fucked you over or ended up hating you, there's probably a good reason. Either they are cunts, or you are.
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Do what i did, leave it upto them to contact you. Then you will find outta them 8 only 2 are true mates. Anyways as cab said fuck em' and dont worry to much as who needs the ones that only use ya.
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PS. Sorry for the spelling. I wrote this super fast. Is not a school paper, so give me a break :) nigh night M1ry St.
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I would swear that this was me writing this. Albeit two years in the future, I am disappointed to hear that I am in the same situation.

I seem to have no problem contacting them when they want something from me, but otherwise, they usually say that they're busy or whatever. I actually called one of them at one point as was five or so minutes from passing their house. I was going to say "hey dude, I'm really close by, you wanna hang out?" He replied "ah, I can't dude. My parents want me to stay in for dinner."
No problem, it happens, so I said so and that we would need to catch up another time.

As I passed his driveway, I saw him and four other non-responsive-to-my-text-message "friends" piling into a car in front of his house.
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Most friends suck just count yourself lucky that yoo dont have to go to school with them everyday for the next 3 years of my little blip of an existance so yoor lucky yoo can move on make new friends but me im stuck with this one girl who is the bigest bitch kowen to humanity so lucky yoo muwah
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Trust me you dont need the cunts who shit on you...life is a biatch and you have to look ater number one, ive been fucked over by many friends, sometimes i deserved it but 99 percent was unprovoked...dont tell your friends any of your weak points or deep secrets or fears cos they will use that shit to drop you with if and whenever doing so will get them what they want. I have one friend only who has fucked me over and still remains my friend, and thats because i visited on the cunt the same shit he did to me, i warned him i would and he didnt believe me till i did it, now he respects me for not being the pussy he thought i was and i respect him for taking on the chin when he got his just deserts.we now have a brilliant friendship based on mutual respect and he is one of the few people i trust. so sometimes good shit comes from bad
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Mandy...He does have friends eg:His PRESENT friends.
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No different here but I took revenge I use to be the nice guy who would get used. Because that's what most asshole friends are users and people who push it way to far with you and then bullshit you. Ya I would always think "Why the fuck do I even bother with (insert douche-bags name in here). And then I just said fuck um and when they wanted to push me I'd do it rate back at them 5x as worth. To were they did not want to talk to me anymore how interesting that went. Its hard to find good friend's were I live the only thing you can find in a 100 mile radius here is bullshit yep bullshit.
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I am in the same condition man i dont know what to do my friend told me that he dosnt call me cuz one of my other friends and we talked long about that on skype and when he said "i have to go to bed" i logged in in his skype to see who did he write to...and he was asking the friend who hates me what to write the whole time...everything he told me was a frigin lie...btw i am 18 and is it ok if i break someones legs ? Cuz i realy will...
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What is this? 65% of people here voted that is normal, while the other 35% says it's not. I bet those 35% are the rest of the assholes who are self absorbed to even consider other people's feelings.

Dude, it is NORMAL, specially if you live in a big city.

I have that same shit going on with me in New York, where I've live most of my life.

I have spent soooo much time and effort on people who dont know how to appreciate friendship.

Yes you heard that. This is what i have learned and i would pass this on to you:

NOT EVERYONE CARES FOR FRIENDSHIPS! There are friends and friends, and some so call friends can be classify under these categories below:

1) THE SELF CENTERED FRIEND: many people seek what it brings pleasure or satisfaction to them. For your surprised not everyone finds having a solid friendship as something important to them. In fact, many people seek for TOOLS not friends (an expression i learn from one of those assholes). This asshole called friends TOOLS. He collected people he could use for X number of reasons and classified them in categories (im not making this up--he told me about his list). His list was more or less like this: a)friends for going to for casual drinks b) friends he go out with when he went to dinner and a movie, c) friends who you can use when you need something, and his list went on all to 7 categories. Yes, he is an asshole.

YOUR FAULT: not all at.
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2) THE UNORIGINAL FRIEND: These are the type people who are constantly obsess on how they look or perceived to other people, and are constantly projecting all their insecurities onto you. If you are a nice, too easy going guy or god forbid "ORIGINAL," you will be perceived as weak or weird (even if you are not). They strive on finding people who bring some type of asset to their style and/or image. These type of "friends" wont find any use of you if you only have to offer "friendship" and/or an interesting conversation. If you are nice and average (meaning not a model, snob, a millionaire, or COOL in all the sense of their world like---she/has an iphone, an ipad, and an ipod touch, and at least 3 pairs of converse. You get the pic. If you dont fit into their shallow world, then you are expendable to them because you dont add up nothing to his or hers coolness. In the outside, this friend seem to be all cool and having it all together. In fact this friends follow all trends, has the coolest toys, and doesnt break out of anything outside not been COOL! They spend their entire energy on this, so much that they dont even know who they really are because they are too busy trying to conform and too scare to be original.
YOUR FAULT: no man, not at all. You are too smart studying or discovering the world to be focus on following all the trends. Who wants an air head from a frien anyways. Let him keep his cool friends, and you find someone to really share life with.
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3) BITCH SLAP FRIEND: Opposite to #2 friend, who strives on finding artificial friends just like him/her. The bitch slap friend, only collects bitches not friends. This type of individual is not interested in meeting people with who meet their match, who are intellectually stimulating and dont even care of they are cool or not. All he/she cares about is if you will become his/her bitch. Usually, this type of friends, are very manipulative people. They will do anything to win your trust, and win you over. This type of friend will help you, listen to you, be there for you at the beginning of the friendship. The too good to be friend is exactly that (fake). Once they feel you are eating out of their hands, and you care for them and need them. He/she will switch the plug, and will take it away. They will start expecting you do things for them in return of their friendship. Example, will send you to pick up stuff at the store, go get some food for the two of you (if he was nice to you a day before, oh boy, you better pay for that lunch or else he will withdraw his nice treatment for you. This friend will continue escalating this till you turn into his slave. He will become an addition to you (which you dont get it because by the time it gets to be so much) you are soooo became real close to this friend, that lossing it will feel like a big lost. And he or she will always make sure to keep you in check. SOme times he may upset up, and make you do things you dont want to do, but he will give you a guilty trip on how nice he/she has been to you, how much he/she has done for you. So this circle will continue till you wake up, or he drops you (which is what usually happends) when he finds no more use for you.--or found someone more interesting to play with. THE GOAL OF HIS/HER BEHAIVIOR? to feel important, to feel needed, to feel like they are god. Yes, this over lining narcissistic. I advice to stay away from anyone that makes you feel you need them. Cause it will hurt your self steam. But i warn you, the bitch slap friend is hard to spot. Like i said, they are super nice at first, you wouldn't consider he is there to screw you.

YOUR FAULT: NO, do not dare to feel guilty. Yes, he gave you a lot, but it had a price--A PRICE. Remember that, walk away and move on.


ONE TIP: If the relationship starts feeling like he is making you do things you dont like, and/or you feel hurt constantly by his/her emotional withdraws.. RUN. Is not a healthy relationship and he/she is not your friend.
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4) THE INTERNET FRIEND:
oh boy i dont mean to be anti technology, but if this friend is in another country or city, dont even waste your time. MOst of this frienships can last for weeks even months, but they eventually fade. WHy? after you sign off this other person has a life outside the internet. Go out, clubs, drinking, movies. You are not part of it. Eventually they get bore of you, or they get too busy to continue the frienship. Dont get me wrong, some people have even find true love online, but i wont put all my bets online.

5)THE HYPER FRIEND:
This type of friend is on for the adventure of meeting new people. He is a sosilite adit. He wants to meet new people all the time. He finds excitement on getting to know new friends. But rarely keeps them. He usually has close family or a few friends he keeps around, but not interested in adding to his list 100 of them. Usually these people you can find online, on clubs, parties, and even for a summer class. Then they move on, leaving you wondering.. WHAT DID I DO WRONG? He/she already, like i said before, has stable friends he/she probably keeps since childhood, and that circle rarely accepts new friends. These are hangout buddies, and they are cool and fun to be around, but dont waste your feelings or time on this individual. He will close the door on you once he sense you want to be part of his elite group. Dont forget, you cool with him as a party or social friend, but after party is over, or summer classes are done. YOUR ARE ALSO DONE AND OVER MY FRIEND. dont swear it.. move on, too.

YOUR FAULT? no, it is not your fault that you didnt know he was so shelter about his personal live that wont let you in because he/she is scare you break the balance. Who knew someone so out going will be so close minded about meeting new people.
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6) THE BROKEN HATRED FRIEND:
They said, "misery loves company." These type of friend can be classified as A and B. a) is the friend that just broke up with his/her friend and needs someone to spill his/her guts out to someone they dont care much about (YOU), since they dong want tell his/her real friends how lame and miserable they feel. They will confine on you. They will call you late at night, or ask you last min. to go out with him/her for drinks, walk, movies, etc. They will spend most of the time complaining (usually is girls--sorry im one of them), or if is a male, he only wants company (not talk), which is just uncomfortable for you.
Once they make up with friend/boyfriend or the problem that was hunting them gets resolved, they will dump you with the classic, "I'M TO BUSY TO HANG OUT WITH YOU." excuse. You get all confused because you confused the fact he was using you with, "He/she is now so close friends to you that he/she has trusted you with very personal information and that makes you best friend." MEMO TO YOU: He was not interested in losing face with his/her friends, so now that you know to much, you have to go. If you still dont get it. Is more like the joke in the movies. When they say, "YOU KNOW TOO MUCH. NOW I NEED TO KILL YOU." Ge it?

YOUR FAULT? Well, if this is the first time this happends to you, it is not yoru fault at all. I can see how this is confusing the first time. If this is the second and third time. Sorry but yes, it is your fault. You should be weary of these friends, and the first thing you need to do is test them (i know is not nice to do that) but for your own good. DO test them. Dont give yourself to this friend when he/she is down.Be supported, but dont put your expectations too high. If after the storm has pass this person still close friends to you> Then is a keeper. A person who values you were there for him/her and has not have you in his/her good graces. This type of friend will do anything for you after words. He is decent human been not an asshole.
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@: comeon
Sorry, i meant broken-hearted friend. LOL.
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7)THE BORED FRIEND:
Oh boy this one is very easy to spot in just a few weeks. He or she only calls you or hands with you when NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO HANG WITH Him/her. And worse, when this friend is actually having a good time hanging out with friends, you are not invited. CUT HIM LOSE< DONT WASTE YOUR TIME< DONT LET HIM USE YOU LIKE THIS> Sometimes, and this is a warning. This person turns out to be really really cool person and when you go out treats you really nice (even pays for dinner or movies) Still, dont let this confuse his GUILTY CONSCIENCE(reason why he/she is paying for your shit) with "HE?SHE LIKES ME SO MUCH HE IS PAYING FOR MY SHIT." News to you: he/she wont be your friend because this friend has already assets you and decided long time ago, that is not interested in bee a real close friend to you; hence, he only calls you when there is nothing BETTER to do. Another hint to spot an asshole friend like this is that She/he will cancelled plans on you constantly, or when YOU ARE BORE AND WANT TO HANG he/she is not available and/or has already made other plans.. Dude wake up drop this idiot. NO one should treat you like you second class friend. screw that. I rather be bore than hang with an asshole who things im beneath him/her.

YOUR FAULT: YES and NOT. If you get hurt by a friend like this is your fault cause you can spot this asshole friend in less than 2 weeks. Yes, see what he does if she/he is not bore. Or better, see what this friends does if you need him to go out because YOU ARE BORE. TIP: sometimes, is hard to spot this because some people keep it a secret they have more friends, or that they've in fact just ditched you to hang another friend. They usually say they are busy at work, home, family etc. One thing once a friend told me(very smart girl--very manipulative too). She said to me once, "remember that no matter how busy you are, you always have time to respond a phone call." SHe is right.
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I cant think of more categories because im getting tire and its late, and i need to go sleep. But listen, this is an advice for you who seem to be interested and/or seeking for real friendship.

THE QUESTION IS: WHY THEN WE BLAME OURSELVES FOR BAD FRIENDS? Because im like you. AT first i though everyone is interested in a real honest friendship, it was a shocker to learn that no everyone needed a friend. Some people need friend other need cars, clothes, ipad, etc to be happy. I Know this woman that is completely alone (few acquiescence to go out sometimes and nothing more), but she is rich. WOrked hard to got herself a nice house, nice car, and look at her. SHE IS HAPPY (and she is an asshole) but happy.

But not all hope is lost. A lot of people out there care for real frienships. Inside they always hope and dream for that perfect close or nice friend, but that is something tat happens maybe once in a life time, or some people never get to meet that type of person. Dont get me wrong, they are a lot of people who do have found real frienship. It does exist, but not that often.

In the other hand, YOU MAY ASK, "why we fall for these type of B.S situations with people who suck as a friend. Because we havent learned one thing (and this took me a while to get it). IT IS BETTER TO BE BORE AND ALONE(not lonley) THAN IN BAD COMPANY> Believe me, in the city of New York, it is wild out there. And by going through all these experiences one can learn one thing, and that is, to enjoy having weekend to youself. Shopping, papering, enjoy good movie, hear salon. IF you become scare of been alone, then you turn into a needed person, and these asshole friends will eat you alive. If you are more relax, you will be able to spot real friendship from fake one. Trust me, if these friends of yours have treated you like this, now you know why. MOve on and keep on seeking, and while at it, Dont sear it. Fuck them. You offered them respect and real friendship, if they dont want it. Their lost. You have won. You discover how nice is to share, care, and enjoy been a friend (you are normal and a human. They dont know how cool is that. They are trolls.

Listen, People come and go, only good friends worth your love and time stay. Mind while learn to also have fun with yourself, too :)
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I'm SO GLAD I found this post. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I am a young teen and have had 5 friends leave. I am not shy, but I can be very quiet and am easily emotionally hurt. I almost never say anything mean, unless I'm defending somebody else. Even then, I try to be calm and reasonable. I wonder the same thing;if and when my current friends will turn on me. The people I choose to be friends with seem so kind and normal. We hang out all the time, and become like siblings. Then suddenly they say something VERY mean or spread an awful rumor, at least that is how it has always gone for me. I am now very cautious around my "friends" and I feel very detached from them. I feel lonely now, and have a difficult time trusting people. Please no one be mean, I just feel like I need to share my experiences and ask for advice...Thank you!
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I know this feeling. somone that i used to be freinds with scence (pardon the spelling, i just got up) we were born has started sneering at me and being rude. i appologised for whatever in hell i may have done about 3 times. more sneering. recently she was rude to my mom! greatist person ****ing ever. funny thing was my mom was essentialy like a second mom to this rude person. so yay. anyhoo i will stop ranting now.
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If this keeps happening to you, and not your friends, it's probably you and not them.
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You don't need friends if you've got a wife/husband.
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