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Why do straight men like to have sex with other men?
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I am an older woman in a relationship with a man 10 years younger then me. I thought I had found the love of my life almost 5 years ago. He is charming, loving , caring and a gentleman. Of course he has a down side at times with a pot habit that I DO NOT have....but I don't complain.
The last 2 years I have been very ill. I have some health issues that have not enabled me to be very sexual. I have tried to keep him happy in some way or another. He does not complain and says he will wait for me to get better.....
One night , he fell asleep with his computer still on . Not looking to snoop at all , I went to do some research about my illness and wanted to email some info. to myself when this strange email automatically popped up from the computer. It was filled with emails from gay men talking about having oral and anal sex with this person. I clicked on one of the emails that showed a pic to download. I was devastated! This person was my boyfriend! He goes by a different name and places sexual ads on Craigs list for encounters with other men!.......
This is a guy who claims he hates gay men and always talks about womens breasts and how he loves sexy women.
At first I thought maybe this was some kind of sick game he likes to know, just talk the talk.
But then I decided not to say anything and follow the emails to see if he actually followed through with the "MEETINGS"
I was SOOOOO hurt to find out that he is having sex with these men. He is also having sex with men and other woman....3ways.....he is online daily looking to hook up with complete strangers for what he call NSA sex.
In the meantime, I read all this stuff about how he doesn't want to cheat on me so he is having these sexual encounters with men because he feels that this is not cheating. Also, he goes to "GLORY HOLES" to give and recieve oral sex. I never knew what a Glory HOle was until this started happening......A GLORY hOLE is a place either set up in a house by a private owner or in some adult bookstores. It is a hole on the wall where you go to stick your penis through and someone on the other side sucks it or sits on it.
I am beside myself.......I am still very sick.....I am sooooo scared and upset over this....I asked him one day what his plans were for the day and he blew up in my face. He grabbed me and threw me on my bed with his hand around my throat and said I was accusing him of something.....and I wasn't! His own guilt has got him crazy. I am afraid of him right now. I am not strong enough to argue or fight with him. I can't understand why he is doing this. I went online to discover that there are thousands of men.....the same as he, who are doing this also. Why are these men having sex with each other and pretending to be straight? I KNOW THAT HE HAS TO GO!
I am not well enough to deal with it yet and that is not good for me!
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Comments (22)
That sucks, you should get a divorce...
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To answer the title question...
Straight men don't like sex with men!
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wow if he got so agro just from you asking what his plans were, then i dont think you asking him about this while you are sick is a good idea. i wouldnt even confront him about it. use this to motivate you to get better and just leave. there are some things i could suggest to get him back for hurting you....
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What are your suggestions?
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Look I have all types of friends who in general enjoy their sex lives.

There was a time that I don't understand why same sex like to be intimate. But over the years talking with people, watching TV, reading etc, I realize it is part of human sexuality. This is only talking about the act of having sex with the same sex. ITS ABOUT PLEASURE

All you have to do is study porn videos and you'll see the main reason is for intense pleasure.

The big problem is in today's society its taboo for the same sex to engage in sex. So a lot of time is spent hiding ones real desires, and doing the wrong things like forcing their self on innocent children causing them to have psychological problems with who they are, their sexuality and other unfair social dilemmas to deal with.

I have children and one day it would be nice to see grand-kids, so you know I don't want my offspring to be a victim of these type crimes on children.

Just read the papers, listen to the news, and do a chart over the past 30 years, you will see this pattern.


But we just keep looking the other way like it is going away. BUT IT IS NOT GOING AWAY!!!!!!
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Should he be doing that while in a relationship? No. You still had no right to go in to his private emails.
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well hes probly bi u should confront him about it
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I am afraid to ask him anything. He gets angry and acts crazy over simple questions. How could I ever ask him about his sex encounters?
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Don't ask him. Tell him that you know what he's doing, and that you're not mad. Maybe then you can have a conversation about it. Just be understanding with him
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Umm, the title says "Why do straight men like to have sex with other men," I'm not gay and would never do that but wouldn't that make them gay instead of straight?
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I said that he says he is straight...not gay..I asked myself that same question...however, I see several guys online making that same statement.
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I would leave him before he seriously hurts you.
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no good comes from looking in his private e mails if you cant have sex he needs something its better than running off with another woman
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the good thing that comes from finding out is finding out! If you were being deceived, wouldn't you be pleased to know it? She didn't go looking for that, it showed up. I believe her, since it happened to me. They get so f'ed up by all the lies and hiding that it is impossible to cover everything up.
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Sorry to tell you, but your man was never straight. There are A LOT, of gay men who feel pressured into getting married, to appear "normal". There's also A LOT of gay men who feel getting married and having kids will make them heterosexual.

Then we have some straight men who are into freaky fetishes like domination, but are often too embarrassed about letting their wives know (depending on what kind of relationship they ave). These men you'll often find in dominatrix clubs getting whipped and or having hot wax put on them, and called dirty things... This gets them off, and its exciting tot hem.

However there are some who take this fetish to the next level, they want to feel the ultimate form of being dominated, or being the dominator- and so they well get that with another man.

This is not a new thing, and there isn't a strange phenomenon of straight men having gay sex. Its very normal for any normal straight male to have a curiosity. Some act on it, some do not. When some act on it one of 3 things may happen.

1. It feels too weird, not for them, and so they'll never do nor think of it again.

2. They like it, but they enjoy sex with women more, and so will identify themselves as bisexual.

3. They like it, and so will then identify themselves as gay...Though they really are not gay.
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Hey Lady,

Many times men will get on websites and while telling everyone their married and are looking for women in reality they are looking to hookup with other men! But do they??? Many times this is a good release for men that are curious about other men and they can go online and get these bisexual feelings out of their mind while 9 times out of ten thats all it will ever be! So even though you have been sick he is still loyal to you or he wouldn't stay with you! This is just an outlet where they can buddy up with another dude, talk about it, jack off and go on with their life and trying not to hurt anyone! So think about that and see if that makes any sense to you. I know this because I am doing it! Stick with your guy until he talks to you and wants out or you want out and are unhappy!
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she said, he followed thru with the meeting though. so I guess he is that 1 out 10 guys who does follow thru. and she cant trust what he says and just stick with him when he is a lying hypocrite. he says he HATES gay men but really doesn't. I think when the guy gets really aggressively defensive and is so anti gays, it shows the strength in his guilt and how much he really is into it.
I personally just cant sit around and allow the one I love to have this hidden side to them. I have personally experienced this same situation and my guy was amazing and now I feel like I don't know him at all. He has lied over the simplest things and when caught has a excuse for it but its never about what is really happened its usually a manipulative way to guilt me for finding out stuff like this. I have broken down and confessed some of my deepest darkest secrets and this is how I am respected in return, with lies.
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I hear you! Same deal for me. Is there a support group for weird stuff like this??
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OMG! I have just experienced something very similar. Except I am being told the most thought thru excuses, such as, I knew you were going thru my accts or my cell so I purposely left them on my email acct so u would see it. Then I would confront him and he would know I looked.

Can you believe that?

1- He has been caught cheating in the last year so I have every right to check up on him. (Should've known NOT to stay with him then!)

and secondly, why would he go as far to reply to craigslist ads just to catch me in his phone? There are apps that can take a pic of someone snooping! Even I know that!


I felt like it was my fault. But he is clearly confused and the aggression comes out on u because of it. he is embarrassed too. the last thing I want to tell you is that you have to think about how common it is. and know that you are not alone in being put in this situation. I am right there with you. IT SUCKS!!! We may never understand why some men do this and the hardest part is not knowing why they do what they. But we are in control of one thing, and that is who we surround ourselves with. and we can only hope that the next guy we date actually tells us the truth.
Good luck sweetheart. I hope your health increases and you survive the heartbreak which is just as painful and debilitating as an illness.
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Not sure when this was written, but I went through the very same thing. Only some details are different like our age difference, etc. I knew when I met him that he had issues, he was a 'recovering' alcoholic, though he drank O'Douls like it was water - and he'd done time twice for multiple OUI's. However, he made me laugh, cry and we got along quite well. I didn't need to depend on him and had a pretty separate life, so his past wasn't an issue for us. However, as time went on, he talked like we were a couple and even mentioned marriage. I had trust issues to begin with, so I wasn't quick to accept all that. It became a monthly thing for me to take a few days off from him, but he'd text/call and I'd go see him and all was fine. Then he got caught driving, was sentenced to a few months, which he did on weekends strangely enough. In that time I let him move in with me and give up his apartment for a family member. He left for the weekend and had not closed his email, which I didn't notice till the next morning. I went in to the page and noticed a ton of spam, so I went to delete it and somehow hit the sent file tab. First thing I saw was something about needing to find poppers. I opened it thinking it was spam and still wasn't sure - but the email address was local. I looked up the email address and it came up with a guys name he said he was doing work for (carpentry). Long story short, turned out the guy was picking him up for sex, either in the car or at his office. Then the whole story started to come out. He didn't get mad fortunately, since he needed me, not the other way around. I found out he had a few secret emails, was getting women to dominate him and wear strapons, or having "daddies" who he'd service in submissive ways, shave his privates for and let them have their way with him, including peeing in his mouth...a big plus was if they had poppers and would verbally abuse him, call him "pig","cum slut","bitch"...
After the shock wore off, I told him we could be friends, since I cared about him and knew he'd had the issues. I thought maybe it was the alcohol... he swore he'd stop it all and was ashamed of it. But it started up again, along with heavy drinking - that made him almost die, so I helped him recover and 7 months later it all came back again. I don't know what to do either. I just have to walk away. I stopped having sex with him when I found out about the other stuff. Our sex life was not all that active anyway. I remember asking him if I couldn't have sex with him what he'd do, he said he'd wait too!! Truth is, I was always willing, but he wasn't always available. I'm not hurt, but bewildered still. He used the same excuse that it was men so it wasn't cheating?! What??? What about the women though? I always said I must have been a "front" for him, to make him look heterosexual, which he'd deny. But there are liars and he's one of them. There are healthier men out there who won't do this...I think. :) Good luck to you!
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There is that saying " screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me," but I feel that the drinking is a pretty lame effort to either hide whatever is tormenting them from the inside out. Dont get me wrong, if a woman asked if she could do me with a strapon, I would give it some thought before I said yes. But bottom line - if its not working and hasnt worked for both of you, dont walk away - RUN. And I understand the part where you care for someone, but dont let them make a fool of you. And dont forget your neighborhood adult store, that can get you thru the "drought,".
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He's a sex addict. See if he will go to Every Man's Battle, nationwide 3 day seminar to help men with pornography and sex addictions. Pray!
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