I'm 25, a college graduate and have a fulltime job and make good money per year.My family is on the wealthy side because they went to college and studied hard, got good degrees and landed great jobs and we live in a somewhat large home.My fiance is the first of his family to go to college and graduate.He is trying to find a fulltime job right now and he's 26.We intend to get married in 2011 and we've dated for 6 yrs.
My sister-in-law to be is 19, never went to college, doesn't intend to,and hasn't had a job since age 16.In her family, her mother works at McDonalds and her father is a repairman at a store.They live in a tiny inground trailer in the woods (no lie),none of them went to college and they never tried.They make low income, but at one point, they had enough money for her(my sister-in-law to be) to go to college.She told them she didn't want to so instead, they used the money to buy new furniture for their home.
She moved into her guy friend's apartment on the opposite side of the US.He makes low income, but slightly above what her family makes.He works in the airforce 4 days a week for 14 hours a day so 4 days straight, she doesn't see him.She's lived there 4 1/2 months and got engaged.She claims she loves him but they rushed marriage to help her pay off her debt from the doctor and to go to the dentist to get her cavities fixed(half her mouth is falling apart).A day after she engaged,she was married in a court house and she wore a black skirt w/white shirt and he just wore his airforce uniform.The only ones who witnessed the wedding was his step mother and his step mothers mom.His step mother is 31,he is 23.His real father doesn't get along with him so he didn't attend and is 55.
No one in her family knew she was getting married.Her mom and dad found out 2 days after!They were very angry with her for not inviting family.I too am very annoyed that she rushed it and didn't invite her family.After she married,she wrote on facebook,"FINALLY MARRIED WOOHOO!"so I wrote"Woah that was a rush to get married."and she deleted my message and removed me from facebook.
My fiance knows his sister is odd,but thing is,my fiances sister-in-law(his brothers wife)who also got married at 19 and is now 30 wrote to me"You are dumb.She married because she loves him.Don't be stupid,I got married at 19 and I am very happy.You are a very cruel person to not congratulate her.I know you try to be nice but you are fake.Stop trying to ruin their marriage."So I wrote back,"Are you insane?She only dated him for 4 months."and she wrote back "I only dated my husband for 3 mnths and we got married and had kids.A smart person knows there isn't right time to marry.Stop acting like you know it all.19 is a smart age to get married. It is not too young or old."Then she deleted me.It's been 2 months now and I tried to contact them but no response.What do I do? I don't want them to hate me.I NEVER HAD ANYONE HATE ME.
Please help,thank you!sorryforthespacing.
My sister-in-law to be is 19, never went to college, doesn't intend to,and hasn't had a job since age 16.In her family, her mother works at McDonalds and her father is a repairman at a store.They live in a tiny inground trailer in the woods (no lie),none of them went to college and they never tried.They make low income, but at one point, they had enough money for her(my sister-in-law to be) to go to college.She told them she didn't want to so instead, they used the money to buy new furniture for their home.
She moved into her guy friend's apartment on the opposite side of the US.He makes low income, but slightly above what her family makes.He works in the airforce 4 days a week for 14 hours a day so 4 days straight, she doesn't see him.She's lived there 4 1/2 months and got engaged.She claims she loves him but they rushed marriage to help her pay off her debt from the doctor and to go to the dentist to get her cavities fixed(half her mouth is falling apart).A day after she engaged,she was married in a court house and she wore a black skirt w/white shirt and he just wore his airforce uniform.The only ones who witnessed the wedding was his step mother and his step mothers mom.His step mother is 31,he is 23.His real father doesn't get along with him so he didn't attend and is 55.
No one in her family knew she was getting married.Her mom and dad found out 2 days after!They were very angry with her for not inviting family.I too am very annoyed that she rushed it and didn't invite her family.After she married,she wrote on facebook,"FINALLY MARRIED WOOHOO!"so I wrote"Woah that was a rush to get married."and she deleted my message and removed me from facebook.
My fiance knows his sister is odd,but thing is,my fiances sister-in-law(his brothers wife)who also got married at 19 and is now 30 wrote to me"You are dumb.She married because she loves him.Don't be stupid,I got married at 19 and I am very happy.You are a very cruel person to not congratulate her.I know you try to be nice but you are fake.Stop trying to ruin their marriage."So I wrote back,"Are you insane?She only dated him for 4 months."and she wrote back "I only dated my husband for 3 mnths and we got married and had kids.A smart person knows there isn't right time to marry.Stop acting like you know it all.19 is a smart age to get married. It is not too young or old."Then she deleted me.It's been 2 months now and I tried to contact them but no response.What do I do? I don't want them to hate me.I NEVER HAD ANYONE HATE ME.
Please help,thank you!sorryforthespacing.
I happen to agree with you. But that is not the point. It is not about being right. It is not about your values or mine. It is about what they value, and being respected for that.
Have some empathy. You may not have intended to insult her. But you did. You rained on her parade - as truly humble and modest as it is - about her marriage.
Get a nice card. Apologize. Tell her you misspoke and are mortified. Wish her and her husband all the best. Include a gift - say a dinner certificate for two for a romantic evening at a nice restaurant. Then leave it alone. Don't expect to be forgiven - just leave it. She will likely come around if she senses genuine interest and support for her from you over time.
Next - don't contribute to family rifts. If you can't be supportive and help bring peace to this family, then mind your own business. Your husband-to-be will appreciate that.
Finally, and I do mean this nicely, get over yourself.
You have some typically middle class advantages (education, income, career). But you can show some real class by respecting other people from different backgrounds & walks of life. There is so much to respect and people appreciate and know when thats there, and not.
I think you need to do this for your future marriage too. However "right" you may feel, and however far your future husband moves up the ladder, he is going to know whether you respect his family - his roots and a part of who he is and will always be - or not.
Despite how others have accused you of arrogance and debased your character, I believe that your intentions are well placed. They are good, but misinformed. You need to understand that people are themselves, whether it be because of their background or interests.
Though it may be true that 19 is a young age to get married depending on their situation, you had no right to bluntly condescend on their decision. It was disrespectful and probably embarrassing for her to be degraded like that on a public medium like facebook.
You have to respect people if you want their respect. Start by being considerate- try to understand different points of view with an open mind. Don't be quick to judge what you don't fully understand. Good luck.
My partners sister got married at 19 to a guy who she only knew for four months. I commented on how quick it was because I know better than her because she comes from a poor un-educated family which means they are all dumb. My partners sister in law then said that they agree that I am fake, and now they don't want to be in contact with me.
If I was them I wouldn't want to know you either. If she cared for you opinion she would have asked. Not everyone has to share the same point of view as you. You should aslo respect the fact that it is her life and it is up to her what decisions she makes, good or bad.
It is rushed and she doesn't know the guy.
Who are you to decide when the appropriate time to get married is. It's up to the people who are getting married. NOT YOU.
I can't believe you think your opinion is worth concern. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean it's wrong. Also, you sound very ignorant, I don't know why you are going round bothering other people about their life choices.
If the marriage was a mistake I'm sure she will learn from it, and even then it's still none of your business. Why don't you grow up your self.
Remember people have the right to make their own decisions and should, no matter how old or mature, be given respect and support with their life decisions.
What is with that. I am only being honest with you.
It's funny how you don't like people doubting your opinions yet you are quick to judge others.
You seen imature and a little ignorant. Seems you can't realy be to opposed to the other side if the family after all